Venting Just a rant

[ixkitty]

I have acknowledged that I look like a person that has a little bit of life together. I smile a lot, I encourage people to be their best selves, you know..the good stuff.. I also acknowledge that I am not fully able to embrace life because I have no clue who I am.

Majority of my entire existence thus far is based off of others. I was suppose to be a lawyer because mom said it was a great idea.. then nursing school, then the military, now the post office... I'm suppose to be a good wife to a good man (or woman/them because I like them all).. I can barely cook a meal without following directions.

I work like 60+ hours a week and I'm not physically desirable because I don't spend $200+ on hair and nails and make up . My kindness is not by choice, I'm nice and kind because I fear rejection or disappointment.

I've given up my comforts for the sake of someone else. My secondary car? My sister has it. My apt I wanted to turn a room into an office? A friend needed a place so I gave that up. All I do is compromise for everyone else's sanity.

My checks from work are nice, and I can say confidently I give about 15-20% away to various family members that ask without question.. I'm their bank, however they don't return it so its more like free money to them.

I am literally being ran over in life. Why? Because I'm afraid to do different.

But that's my morning rant ! Everyone (try to) have a good/decent day

 

[ClownMe]

I can somewhat relate to some of what you're experiencing. I wish i could offer some advice, but i don't really know what would help you, because i don't know what is gonna help me in my current situation. I hope you have a good day and that things get better.

 

[ixkitty]

I can somewhat relate to some of what you're experiencing. I wish i could offer some advice, but i don't really know what would help you, because i don't know what is gonna help me in my current situation. I hope you have a good day and that things get better.

I understand.. I find a bit of understanding knowing I'm not the only one with this suffering

 

[Neowise]

All I do is compromise for everyone else's sanity.

I do the same. I always cut back my needs and wishes in order to prioritize the needs of others to please them and make them happy. It even starts with small things like music in the car: I always let others pick what we listen to.

Do I ever get something back in return? Of course not. Do people even notice what I give up for them? Of course not, because someone like me must not have demands.

 

[ixkitty]

I do the same. I always cut back my needs and wishes in order to prioritize the needs of others to please them and make them happy. It even starts with small things like music in the car: I always let others pick what we listen to.

Do I ever get something back in return? Of course not. Do people even notice what I give up for them? Of course not, because someone like me must not have demands.

Exactly ! And if I do, I'm selfish or not considerate or etc ...

 

[Neowise]

Exactly ! And if I do, I'm selfish or not considerate or etc ...

Right?! If I ever ask for something and others have to cut back for once they always make this disappointed face because they won't get what they want, and then they start giving arguments why their suggestion is more important.

I've come to a point where I just respond with "I don't mind" to every question I am being asked, it's more peaceful.

 

[ixkitty]

Right?! If I ever ask for something and others have to cut back for once they always make this disappointed face because they won't get what they want, and then they start giving arguments why their suggestion is more important.

I've come to a point where I just respond with "I don't mind" to every question I am being asked, it's more peaceful.

Yes! Are you me from another dimension? Because... yes

 

[Neowise]

Yes! Are you me from another dimension? Because... yes

Perhaps We are sitting on the two ends of the same wormhole (if that even makes sense lol).
What's funny though, people keep complaining that I always say "I don't mind". It has become a meme among my family and friends by now haha. They should be happy for the freedom of choice they get.

 

[ixkitty]

Perhaps We are sitting on the two ends of the same wormhole (if that even makes sense lol).
What's funny though, people keep complaining that I always say "I don't mind". It has become a meme among my family and friends by now haha. They should be happy for the freedom of choice they get.

I completely understand. It makes sense. And right ! The freedom of choice they get and we don't!

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

I would luv to be out there working...I don't think 60 hrs a week though. If I were you I would stop giving money to family. Just say you need to save more for retirement. That's a valid reason. Shit will be so expensive.

 

[ixkitty]

I would luv to be out there working...I don't think 60 hrs a week though. If I were you I would stop giving money to family. Just say you need to save more for retirement. That's a valid reason. Shit will be so expensive.

I wish it was that easy honestly !