Venting Jealousy & Anger

[catastrophix]

I woke up feeling kinda sick with an awful headache that won't go away. For the past few days, I've been trying to do things to make myself feel better.

But, I won't lie— I have a habit of getting jealous extremely easily. Most of the time, I keep it inside and bottle it up. I'm so self conscious of becoming a controlling/possessive person, so that's why I rarely say anything. But I can feel the envy in my brain just ready to explode.

I'm really starting to feel like a rabid animal in too small of a cage. I can't keep living so inferior to everyone else. Why am I even here?

There isn't a reliable CTB method in this world that I can actually access. As I type this, I can feel a panic attack coming on. I feel like I have to throw up. I need out. Bad. I really don't understand why I have to be forced to live when I don't want to. It's so frustrating. The people around me see how much agony I'm in all the time and they just expect me to continue to be compliant with taking my meds and eating and other trivial bullshit that I don't care about. I'm fucking done. If they really cared, why are they letting me live like this?

Sorry if some of this doesn't make sense, I'm not thinking the most clearly

 

[CentreMid]

Damn. I'm sorry you're going through this. I can relate to a degree, I also feel like I'm inferior to everyone else. I mean sure, I will recognize there are people who have it worse than I do, but I'm still nowhere near the point where the others around me are. It's infuriating honestly.

And I agree, I also don't understand why we're forced to live against our wills when nothing is being done to improve our quality of life or accessibility to reliable methods. I hope you find some peace

 

[FuneralCry]

I view it as being inhumane how people are expected to just suffer against their wishes, it's extreme cruelty to wish to make people prisoners to this existence as the fact is that for so many people the only relief lies in the thought of being gone. Having access to a reliable method should be a basic human right as without that then existence is just slavery, I do get that it's really so awful feeling trapped here. It's like other people forget that we are all just destined to die anyway, existing really is just meaningless and unnecessary suffering.