January

[planktoplank]

I plan to ctb in January. Long time lurker here and in reddit old ss and the new ttg.

I am strongly leaning towards N but kind of like the partial suspension method (nice detailed thread with pics/vids on here).

I have tried 3x in the past when I was a lot younger and more desperate. OD that resulted in a headache and aches of all sorts, stabbing my wrists with old nails (very angry moment resulting in a hospital stay), and hanging myself in the garage... broke my shitty makeshift noose.

Decided after the hanging attempt I needed to be smarter. 16 years later... ripe ol age of 30 I know what to do now.

My reasoning is my depression and anxiety are never going away. They only got worse. I stopped medication and therapy about 5 months ago. I pushed away and ghosted everyone in the past 16 years except my fiance and some gaming buddies. Just enough to hold out until a proper time. I am sick of being tired, feeling alone in someones arms, feeling alone talking to someone. It seems if I find something that makes me super happy like my fiance my depression just wrecks the mood. It is always in my way and I think I did enough life and love to say I quit lol.

I want to go out of this world as quietly as possible. I feel it's almost at that point. It will never be what I want but I am so close. So I am waiting until after the holidays.

I have a long note prepared for questions of those I leave behind. I do not hate anyone or blame anyone.

In December I will be leaving my life behind. In January I will be taking a hike to a nice quiet lonely spot. I will ctb in January.

I am here because I do enjoy company of like minded people. I need company until December so I do not get irrational and try to do something that makes me unsuccesful. I want to idea bounce and discuss methods.

Again, strongly considering partial suspension right after taking N or some pills or anything in lethal dosage. If I could use a gun and double tap myself I would lol.

Before I found out about N and just properly ending my life I was considering digging a ditch slitting my wrists and setting myself on fire in the ditch but I figured survival instinct is an asshole and burns gonna suck if I live. Also risk of hurting others which I do not want. I actually want some pain before I go. Just not excruciating pain if that makes any sense?

 

[onewayroad]

Sounds like you're in a pretty similar situation to me. I am running out of treatment options so soon I will only have one treatment left... one that is sure to work.

Although I don't want pain or disfigurement when I die. My method will be nitrogen. If you want some pain before you die, why set yourself on fire when you could fly to Hawaii and jump into an active volcano? Set up a camera and film it, go out doing something totally badass. 100% success rate on that one too haha

 

[Schopenhauer]

Good luck on your attempt. This forum is actually pretty great. I didn't expect to find so many helpful people, who empathize in a nonjudgmental, non-inquisitive way.

And please, don't do anything using fire. It will hurt like hell, and may leave you far worse than you are now.

 

[planktoplank]

Yeah fire method was just me being irrational. I was very into trying to be gone without a trace. Now just being gone is my priority.

As for volcano method I really dig the idea but I really don't want to ruin a spot for someone somewhere? IDK that really kinda peaks my interest though. Come January if you see anything like that in the news... I tip my hat to you! lol

 

[s_girl]

why set yourself on fire when you could fly to Hawaii and jump into an active volcano? Set up a camera and film it, go out doing something totally badass. 100% success rate on that one too haha

I never even thought of that. Now that would be a great way to go. I've always wanted to go with a big epic jump. There's no volcanoes on this side of the world though...

 

[onewayroad]

I never even thought of that. Now that would be a great way to go. I've always wanted to go with a big epic jump. There's no volcanoes on this side of the world though...

Yeah for a while I was seriously considering it. The only issues are that lava is pretty thick, so you wouldn't plunge into it and die instantly you'd probably hit the surface and burn so it'd take a couple of pretty horrible minutes to die. Unless you dived head first from a great height, then it'd probably break your neck.

The other issue for me is the same as you, no volcanoes near Australia... I couldn't afford a ticket to somewhere with a suitable volcano. Ah well, no need to be so dramatic anyway :P

 

[s_girl]

Yeah for a while I was seriously considering it. The only issues are that lava is pretty thick, so you wouldn't plunge into it and die instantly you'd probably hit the surface and burn so it'd take a couple of pretty horrible minutes to die. Unless you dived head first from a great height, then it'd probably break your neck.

The other issue for me is the same as you, no volcanoes near Australia... I couldn't afford a ticket to somewhere with a suitable volcano. Ah well, no need to be so dramatic anyway :P

I'm in Australia too. The closest volcanoes are probably Indonesia I think, so pretty far away really... and you're right about the horrible slow death if conditions are not perfect.

Welcome to the forum. I hope you find what you're looking for here.

 

[onewayroad]

I'm in Australia too. The closest volcanoes are probably Indonesia I think, so pretty far away really... and you're right about the horrible slow death if conditions are not perfect.

Welcome to the forum. I hope you find what you're looking for here.

Thank you. I hope you do too.

 

[s_girl]

I plan to ctb in January. Long time lurker here and in reddit old ss and the new ttg.

I am strongly leaning towards N but kind of like the partial suspension method (nice detailed thread with pics/vids on here).

I have tried 3x in the past when I was a lot younger and more desperate. OD that resulted in a headache and aches of all sorts, stabbing my wrists with old nails (very angry moment resulting in a hospital stay), and hanging myself in the garage... broke my shitty makeshift noose.

Decided after the hanging attempt I needed to be smarter. 16 years later... ripe ol age of 30 I know what to do now.

My reasoning is my depression and anxiety are never going away. They only got worse. I stopped medication and therapy about 5 months ago. I pushed away and ghosted everyone in the past 16 years except my fiance and some gaming buddies. Just enough to hold out until a proper time. I am sick of being tired, feeling alone in someones arms, feeling alone talking to someone. It seems if I find something that makes me super happy like my fiance my depression just wrecks the mood. It is always in my way and I think I did enough life and love to say I quit lol.

I want to go out of this world as quietly as possible. I feel it's almost at that point. It will never be what I want but I am so close. So I am waiting until after the holidays.

I have a long note prepared for questions of those I leave behind. I do not hate anyone or blame anyone.

In December I will be leaving my life behind. In January I will be taking a hike to a nice quiet lonely spot. I will ctb in January.

I am here because I do enjoy company of like minded people. I need company until December so I do not get irrational and try to do something that makes me unsuccesful. I want to idea bounce and discuss methods.

Again, strongly considering partial suspension right after taking N or some pills or anything in lethal dosage. If I could use a gun and double tap myself I would lol.

Before I found out about N and just properly ending my life I was considering digging a ditch slitting my wrists and setting myself on fire in the ditch but I figured survival instinct is an asshole and burns gonna suck if I live. Also risk of hurting others which I do not want. I actually want some pain before I go. Just not excruciating pain if that makes any sense?

Welcome to the forum. I hope you find what you're looking for here. I really hope you don't slit your wrists or set yourself on fire. There's so many other reliable, fast, easy, peaceful methods and either N or hanging (or both I guess?) would work much better.

 

[Time2Go?]

If you jump into a volcano the inside of your lungs will burn and you might die of asphyxiation before you hit the lava. It depends on how far down the lava is I guess. I read that when they were burning people at the stake they actually asphyxiated before the fire killed them.

Best of luck, Mattie

 

[GoingSoonish]

January is my month too. I have been thinking about December because i really can't wait to get it over and done with (can't do it any sooner unfortunately).

 

[BjartNO]

The only issues are that lava is pretty thick, so you wouldn't plunge into it and die instantly you'd probably hit the surface and burn so it'd take a couple of pretty horrible minutes to die.

It's certainly not going to be minutes. The heat will probably have you dead before you even reach the lava

 

[planktoplank]

Im fine with pain before death. I am not ok with being able to walk away and avoid survivors instinct. My death MUST be definite.

I am secretly a bit of a masochist to be honest. Pain may be pleasurable for quite a bit before I kick into it being excruciating and by that time I hope I would be dead or just too out of it lol. It may even be the most I've let myself trully feel in a while. I am excited by this.

I miss cutting a lot but I made a loved one a promise and it's something I can live without for now. I used to do things to myself feel alive. I miss it and it's like a dying wish to hurt so good they will wonder how such a miserable soul would die with a smile lol.

 

[onewayroad]

Im fine with pain before death. I am not ok with being able to walk away and avoid survivors instinct. My death MUST be definite.

I am secretly a bit of a masochist to be honest. Pain may be pleasurable for quite a bit before I kick into it being excruciating and by that time I hope I would be dead or just too out of it lol. It may even be the most I've let myself trully feel in a while. I am excited by this.

I miss cutting a lot but I made a loved one a promise and it's something I can live without for now. I used to do things to myself feel alive. I miss it and it's like a dying wish to hurt so good they will wonder how such a miserable soul would die with a smile lol.

Into the volcano with you!