i've self-injury myself again

[Lestat_201]

Yesterday i've self-injury myself again. the Last time i did it, it was in August or September i don't remember, but in this last months it seems i was feeling better, i wasn't cut my skin, i wasn't thinking to kill myself or to die anymore, i was better. but after Liam Payne's death everything is changed again, since 2 weeks ago i was just in pain, i thought i could have handle it, but now i'm figure out that i can't handle it, every picture, every video i see it makes me feel worse, now are coming out other videos, other pictures, there was the funeral i've seen all those pics of the funeral and now i understand he is gone forever, he will never come back and i feel to much pain, i can't handle all this pain and the only way i have to handle it is by self-injury myself, by hurting myself phisically, this is the only way to escape from the pain i feel inside of me. Also i wish i was dead instead of him. because he didn't want to die, i do, so i should and would have died instead of him, he didn't deserve it, i do.
And also in this last month i began to eat in a disproportionated and voracious way. for example: i bought just Tuesday some cookies and 2 Jars of Nutella and in 3 days i've altready finished the 2 Jars of nutella and I've already almost finished 2 bags of Cookies (i've other bags of cookies closed) and i would stop myself but i can't. i feel the necessity, i feel the need of eating it. this is the only thing i can do for not think or to don't feel things (some times i eat so much that i think i will vomite, but then nothing happens, some times i think i will have stomach ache but then nothing happens...
Anyway today it was a really tough day, so i think i'm going to Self-Injury myself again tonight because i feel the need.
I think my veins are ready ahah my body knows what's the situation so i think my body see it coming...

 

[cloudyskye]

Yesterday i've self-injury myself again. the Last time i did it, it was in August or September i don't remember, but in this last months it seems i was feeling better, i wasn't cut my skin, i wasn't thinking to kill myself or to die anymore, i was better. but after Liam Payne's death everything is changed again, since 2 weeks ago i was just in pain, i thought i could have handle it, but now i'm figure out that i can't handle it, every picture, every video i see it makes me feel worse, now are coming out other videos, other pictures, there was the funeral i've seen all those pics of the funeral and now i understand he is gone forever, he will never come back and i feel to much pain, i can't handle all this pain and the only way i have to handle it is by self-injury myself, by hurting myself phisically, this is the only way to escape from the pain i feel inside of me. Also i wish i was dead instead of him. because he didn't want to die, i do, so i should and would have died instead of him, he didn't deserve it, i do.
And also in this last month i began to eat in a disproportionated and voracious way. for example: i bought just Tuesday some cookies and 2 Jars of Nutella and in 3 days i've altready finished the 2 Jars of nutella and I've already almost finished 2 bags of Cookies (i've other bags of cookies closed) and i would stop myself but i can't. i feel the necessity, i feel the need of eating it. this is the only thing i can do for not think or to don't feel things (some times i eat so much that i think i will vomite, but then nothing happens, some times i think i will have stomach ache but then nothing happens...
Anyway today it was a really tough day, so i think i'm going to Self-Injury myself again tonight because i feel the need.
I think my veins are ready ahah my body knows what's the situation so i think my body see it coming...

I am so sorry you're in so much pain