Ive finally decided on a method

[SparkleWater]

My mom is dying of cancer. She is choosing to lie to herself than accept it and keeping false hope that whatever bullshit treatment shes gonna try next is going to help.
When she dies, when she does, after we have buried her I'll end my life. most likely by that blood choke method with cornhole bags. Maybe take some of my edible to try and relax my nerves if that helps.
If my dad's routine stays unchanged I will most likely have the house to myself. I don't really care if he finds my body. In some way I want him to. He brought me into this world against my mom's consent so its only fitting to see what the result ends up being.
Its strange i guess how I'm feeling nothing as I type this.
My boyfriend told me he would have trouble moving on from me but he would need to. In fairness he should have seen this comming. Saying i should go into debt if i have to.
fuck that. honestly. its over if you have no money. and knowing my mental health issues and my ineptitudes i would spend the rest of my life trying to dig myself out and i quote frankly dont wanna do that.

 

[shiba]

I'm wishing you the best

 

[TBONTB]

My mom is dying of cancer. She is choosing to lie to herself than accept it and keeping false hope that whatever bullshit treatment shes gonna try next is going to help.
When she dies, when she does, after we have buried her I'll end my life. most likely by that blood choke method with cornhole bags. Maybe take some of my edible to try and relax my nerves if that helps.
If my dad's routine stays unchanged I will most likely have the house to myself. I don't really care if he finds my body. In some way I want him to. He brought me into this world against my mom's consent so its only fitting to see what the result ends up being.
Its strange i guess how I'm feeling nothing as I type this.
My boyfriend told me he would have trouble moving on from me but he would need to. In fairness he should have seen this comming. Saying i should go into debt if i have to.
fuck that. honestly. its over if you have no money. and knowing my mental health issues and my ineptitudes i would spend the rest of my life trying to dig myself out and i quote frankly dont wanna do that.

I'm sorry about your Mom and your home situation. It sounds like a lot of sadness and a lot of stress. Are you doing a lot of caretaking for your Mom?

 

[auto138491]

I am very sorry to hear about your mom and your own situation. Hugs.

 

[PotentiallyWasted]

I hope you find the peace you are looking for; good luck to you and your mom

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this.
I wish you all the best and good luck, whatever you're gonna decide to do.

 

[SparkleWater]

I'm sorry about your Mom and your home situation. It sounds like a lot of sadness and a lot of stress. Are you doing a lot of caretaking for your Mom?

sorry i fell asleep. right now yes its me and my dad. she had trouble doing alot of things since her cancer affects her ability to walk and use one arm (its in her spine).
She wants to call and have some people come in to help her here and there to take the pressure off us both in the morning but for right now its the two of us and occasional family friends. And i dont know when they'll actually beable to send someone over. (knowing our luck they probably wont beable to send someone over day of )
I've barely been able to shower and wash my hair properly because I'm afraid something might happen. Though tomorrow shes going to the doctor after calling some the people so I'll beable to before work.