I've decided to live past 2025.

[HereUntilApril]

About two months ago, I made a post stating that I would CTB sometime around late July/early August. Ever since then, a lot has changed for me. I left my after school program job and I am in the process of getting a job at LA Fitness as a janitor, I started going out a lot more and I have made some new friends, and I cleaned out most of my room and I now have air conditioning in my room. Anyway, I'm making the decision to push my CTB date past 2025. The reason as to why is because I've started getting cold feet again and since various birthdays and holidays are coming up throughout the next couple of months, I would feel very guilty to do it later in the year, so I guess 2025 won't be the year I do it in. I won't consider this a recovery because I still want to do it but I guess now is not the time. I wish life wasn't so conflicting. Also, life just goes way too fast at times, it's crazy how I've been on this forum for over 6 months now, especially since the original plan was to CTB in April. I'm not sure how this road is going to be for me but I guess I would have to wait and see. Maybe April 2026 can be the time to do it so that I can still live up to my username. Anyway, I would like to thank all of you for helping me have the ability to vent out my frustrations without any judgement, I don't know where I would be without this forum. Thank you!

 

[bankai]

That's a good idea. There's just a few months left this year. It will go by quick. Hopefully the new year treats you much better.

Also you can change your username every few months.
So if you feel weird about the April thing, then go ahead.

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

Hey good for you. Due to various circumstances I am not ready to ctb despite depression. SaSu helps me get through the tougher days. I've been able to make some tangible progress in life in the mean time. New friends, learning a few things, there for family, more healthy etc. But it is a strange liminal type of mindset because those "gains" are just as useful to me for what I consider a proper exit as for what other's would use to build a life.

I got bad triggered today hearing of a friend of a family friend still living at 100. Like you said in one of your other posts, I once highly valued the prospect of living to old age however now I feel that would be the ultimate nightmare. So for me postponement and life improvement aren't what I would consider recovery but for the mean time it suffices.

 

[Noct]

I would feel very guilty to do it later in the year, so I guess 2025 won't be the year I do it in. I won't consider this a recovery because I still want to do it but I guess now is not the time. I wish life wasn't so conflicting. Also, life just goes way too fast at times, it's crazy how I've been on this forum for over 6 months now, especially since the original plan was to CTB in April.

I fucked up the formatting but ignore that for now lol

Just wanted to say I see so much of myself in your post and honestly it's very reassuring to me to find I'm not the only one getting cold feet due to various life changes (for better and for worse). Seeing how many people here are happily on their way to CTBing or happily succeed always makes me feel so horribly guilty and cowardly for not being as proactive and on top of it as others are. Because for me too, it's not recovery, but I'm also not able to actively plan so it feels like an unknown inbetween where I don't fit in with any group.

When I joined this forum it was to get community while getting full access to find a way to get SN by January 2025. I failed to get SN by then but attempted anyways (ironically not long after you joined the forum) with a…less recommended option and obviously failed (hence dropping off the site for a long while) and since then a lot has also changed in my life and like you it's become the wrong season for it. For some odd reasons in my head I always need to wait till after Christmas to be in the clear to CTB

Anyways wanted to reply to say it's nice to see someone so similar to me! And that I hope things go you way—either way. Wether it be your life turning up for the better or finding the right time to CTB and getting peace.

 

[Pale_Rider]

I live day , by day. It's a struggle most days to do that. I can't overcome SI. Just the way it is.