Venting i've been suffering since i was 12, in my 30's now... all that "it'll get better" stuff is said by people who don't truly understand

[SufferingInDenmark]

i think it's partly political correctness that has people keep saying "it'll get better".
i would probably say the same if someone started telling me they're suicidal.
you don't wanna seem mean or whatever...
but in reality, it's all bullshit.
i've been suffering for more than HALF MY LIFE.

only difference is, that when i was 12, it wasn't full blown depression yet, but it was definetely brewing up lol.

it's fine... circumstances are circumstances. some things can't be fixed, except by suicide to stop the pain.

i'm just glad i can leave this world with a somewhat clean conscience.

idk if i believe in heaven and hell, but a piece of shit like Hitler for example...
if someone is burning in hell, it would def. be him.

----------------------------

and i already lost one friend to what seemed like suicide.
and lost family members... so i won't be alone in death.
and it happens to everyone, so we'll be united eventually anyway.

 

[KillingPain267]

I'm sorry to hear that. Yes, it doesn't always get better. I suffered from social anxiety since age 13, it ruined potential friendships, careers, relationships etc. Nobody identified it for me. I was just "shy" they said. Also, when I was 14 I got bullied which laid the ground of depression. Then life improved a little when I got married and felt loved and accepted. Then it all came crashing down HARD when they left suddenly. That has pushed me over the edge. I knew that moment, the very second, that I don't want to live anymore. If I had a gun I would have went to the basement in silence and just pulled the trigger without hesitation. I gave it a chance to see if the ex would come back though. While waiting I drank and took drugs while researching methods. Then had to get sober, and just cry while waiting and researching methods. Now I am emotionally hardened that I barely feel anything anymore. People say time will heal, but it turns into scars. Smooth functioning tissue turns to hard scars without nerve endings. That's all time can do. It doesn't turn things back to a healthy state when the wound was very deep. Things getting better is a lie.

 

[DivineSpark]

I have been strugglin for last 8 years. Anxiety, anhedonia, demons (schizophrenia) and it seems like things are only getting worse, more intense.

 

[Ashes of a Dreamer]

Oh, I make your words mine. The "it'll get better" thing isn't absolut - it's just a hope that things will eventually be greater, and for some it indeed happen. Until I reached the 30's, I still had a flame of belief; now, I see that for many things get worse or stay the same.

In other words, I wouldn't say that "it'll get better" is a complete lie, but certainly doesn't apply for everyone. Why? I really wish to understand, but sometimes I tend to conclude that a few people were condemned at the beginning, brought to a life of agony and misery just to comfort others.

 

[ringo99]

The "it'll get better" myth has been incredibly destructive to my psyche. If I'd killed myself 10 years ago I could've given my parents more time to move on while still leaving them the same amount of money. They were still relatively healthy at the time. I feel bad about leaving them when they're older and more frail but I've done the math and staying behind would cause more problems for them. They and the world are better off without me

 

[Jdieiejdjaow]

What would better look like for you? If it's to be cured completely, it might be a stretch. Ask yourself: what improvement *that is realistic* looks like? What is *one small step* I can take in that direction, daily? And when you look back, you'll see improvement.

Keep in mind the global context. We're going through very, very rough times that will only get worse. So buckle up. Resiliency of each one of us is going to be tested more and more.

 

[J&L383]

People say time will heal, but it turns into scars. Smooth functioning tissue turns to hard scars without nerve endings. That's all time can do. It doesn't turn things back to a healthy state when the wound was very deep. Things getting better is a lie.

Thank you for this analogy. Healing turns to scars, the scars remain, and some scars are very ugly.

 

[Michelstaedter]

It's like I'm talking about myself...
I started suffering when I was 11 or 12, and now, in my mid-30s, it's gotten worse. When I was young, I enjoyed it more. I think deep down, I was more afraid of dying than of continuing to live with suffering, but I did enjoy some things, spending time with classmates and a few "temporary friends" during my school years.
When they tell me to think positively or have hope, it's like when someone is about to die and they want to console them by saying they'll go to heaven, well, consolation always comes from the future... A future that will never come.
I personally knew two people who committed suicide. A boy and a girl, both under 30. However, I interacted very little with the boy, and with the girl, I only looked at her and didn't exchange a single word.
Like you, I have family members who died, several recently, but I also have many pets, and I'm dying to see them again...

 

[KillingPain267]

Thank you for this analogy. Healing turns to scars, the scars remain, and some scars are very ugly.

My emotional inner life is so scarred that there is no feeling, no nerve endings and no elasticity and mobility. I'm actually scared of what's becoming of me.

 

[J&L383]

My emotional inner life is so scarred that there is no feeling, no nerve endings and no elasticity and mobility. I'm actually scared of what's becoming of me.

Yeah, me too.