RatLiker
Liker of rats
- Mar 2, 2023
- 10
I'm a 23 y.o. male, living in Hungary. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety at the age of 8, later diagnosed with BPD at around 21. I have expressed my want to die multiple times, both to my family and healthcare professionals, all I've got in return was them locking me up in some ward for months and force feeding me pills, like that's supposed to make you feel better. I am abused at home, my mom's husband is very abusive towards me, and has been for years. Recently I was forced to take on a job that I hate, and it takes up 66 hours of every week, still making minimum wage. I feel like nothing bring me joy anymore, the little time I can spend playing games, talking with friends of being with my family, I do not get any happiness from it anymore. It feels like my soul is already dead, and all that's left is a husk. I recently became an uncle, and so the thought of killing myself feels way harder than it should be. When I brought up my real feelings to my mom, she has said that if I do commit, she will too. It puts me in a weird position and I don't know what to feel/do. I am religious, and I pray to God almost every night, but things don't seem to be getting any better. I am just lost, I feel like I don't even belong in this world.
I have asked for help from an organization that's supposed to help LGBT+ people move and supposedly have a better life, so far I have not gotten an answer. A couple of my friends are already aware of my situation and while not agreeing, they understand why I feel the way I do. I just do not think I can go on like this for much longer.
I have asked for help from an organization that's supposed to help LGBT+ people move and supposedly have a better life, so far I have not gotten an answer. A couple of my friends are already aware of my situation and while not agreeing, they understand why I feel the way I do. I just do not think I can go on like this for much longer.
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