akira.kewl
joy is a scam made by dentists to sell more smiles
- Dec 4, 2025
- 19
Before anyone corrects me, I know tomorrow is the 31st, but I'm doing it at night (very early AM) so it will still be Jan 1st.
God, time flew by fast. It feels weird to know that tonight will be my last night where I sleep and wake up after, that tomorrow will be my last time seeing the sun. Sure, I've had my moments of doubt, but that doesn't mean living is what's best for me. If someone is gushing blood, would you tell them that they don't need a bandage, and to appreciate those moments between spurts instead? No, because that doesn't change the fact that they're bleeding out.
Though, I do have a few obstacles... of course my mom conveniently had to get sick, so now she's sleeping on the couch (yes, I live with my parents, I'm still young yk). She's immunocompromised, so it's not going away any time soon, meaning she'll definitely be there on that night. I'm doing it in my room after everyone is asleep anyway, but I do have a few supplies I need to get (such as a towel because dead bodies piss themselves) and now I'll have to figure out how to sneak those out now.
Not to mention that if I make any noise, she's much more likely to hear and come see what's going on, so I'll have to be very quiet. But lots of things like locking my door, clearing out room in my closet, etc. might attract sound. Overall, it's just very inconvenient for her to be directly outside of where I'm supposed to be doing it, it increases the likelihood of her interfering with my plans. But then again, why would someone who is so ill bother to get up every time they hear a tiny noise? She'll probably be sleeping pretty deeply anyway. But idk, regardless, I'm still nervous. She's gonna be having a BADDD day, sorry mom...
I'm still making a few preparations. I've kind of been ghosting my friend, it was originally not on purpose (depression + inattentive ADHD) but it grew into me wanting to detach from them so my passing won't hurt them too much. Plus, it's easier to go if you have nothing left. But I don't want their last memory of me to be me being a dick, so I drew some gift art for them. It's not much, and kind of corny, but I like to think of it as an apology in advance.
I still have some things to do, like write the physical adaptation of the note (the main one is a google doc because that's easier to edit, but I should still have something next to me, it just feels right) and log out of the accounts that I don't want anyone to see. I'll write down the logins somewhere so if I fail, I can log back in. Of course, it'd probably be found eventually, but nobody will be searching my room that deeply unless I'm confirmed dead, in which case it wouldn't affect me what happens. My main concern is my phone being checked after I'm found, regardless of if I'm alive or not.
Not sure if this makes any sense, just wanted to provide my final update on how plans are going
God, time flew by fast. It feels weird to know that tonight will be my last night where I sleep and wake up after, that tomorrow will be my last time seeing the sun. Sure, I've had my moments of doubt, but that doesn't mean living is what's best for me. If someone is gushing blood, would you tell them that they don't need a bandage, and to appreciate those moments between spurts instead? No, because that doesn't change the fact that they're bleeding out.
Though, I do have a few obstacles... of course my mom conveniently had to get sick, so now she's sleeping on the couch (yes, I live with my parents, I'm still young yk). She's immunocompromised, so it's not going away any time soon, meaning she'll definitely be there on that night. I'm doing it in my room after everyone is asleep anyway, but I do have a few supplies I need to get (such as a towel because dead bodies piss themselves) and now I'll have to figure out how to sneak those out now.
Not to mention that if I make any noise, she's much more likely to hear and come see what's going on, so I'll have to be very quiet. But lots of things like locking my door, clearing out room in my closet, etc. might attract sound. Overall, it's just very inconvenient for her to be directly outside of where I'm supposed to be doing it, it increases the likelihood of her interfering with my plans. But then again, why would someone who is so ill bother to get up every time they hear a tiny noise? She'll probably be sleeping pretty deeply anyway. But idk, regardless, I'm still nervous. She's gonna be having a BADDD day, sorry mom...
I'm still making a few preparations. I've kind of been ghosting my friend, it was originally not on purpose (depression + inattentive ADHD) but it grew into me wanting to detach from them so my passing won't hurt them too much. Plus, it's easier to go if you have nothing left. But I don't want their last memory of me to be me being a dick, so I drew some gift art for them. It's not much, and kind of corny, but I like to think of it as an apology in advance.
I still have some things to do, like write the physical adaptation of the note (the main one is a google doc because that's easier to edit, but I should still have something next to me, it just feels right) and log out of the accounts that I don't want anyone to see. I'll write down the logins somewhere so if I fail, I can log back in. Of course, it'd probably be found eventually, but nobody will be searching my room that deeply unless I'm confirmed dead, in which case it wouldn't affect me what happens. My main concern is my phone being checked after I'm found, regardless of if I'm alive or not.
Not sure if this makes any sense, just wanted to provide my final update on how plans are going
