Venting It's stupid that this site has to exist

[Mastershakeme]

I came today to find a simple magic solution to my problems. I want to go, but I want it to be peaceful, you know? I feel like I've been through so much physical and mental pain, I'm just absolutely terrified to do anything that hurts.

It's funny that I'm sitting here right now, looking for ideas. I just got out of the psych ward two days ago. I've been 8 times now and I'm so freakin sick of it! I want to die. Why are there places to house suicidal people and why do they make our stay so damned long/boring/upsetting/uncomfortable. Absolutely nothing was fixed, they changed my meds, made me sit around watching CSI for 4 days, then finally sent me home. All I could think about why I was there was killing myself, but I kept my mouth shut because I didn't want to be kept longer. And the only way I could think to kill myself in that "suicide-proof" institution was to bash my head repeatedly into the bathroom sink. Ouch! No way.

My life sucks and now it's even worse. I just lost custody of my kids. I'm about to be kicked out on the street, I can't stay in Grandma's house anymore because she died. She died and now I'm stuck with my mother who hates me. My car was impounded and I have no money because I don't work or get SSI. I keep telling them something is wrong, but they won't listen. They just don't care.

Why am I living again? So I can experience all this sadness and misery? Oh boy! Can't wait!

I just need a magic potion so I can lay down and go to sleep. Forever. Then I'll no longer be a disappointment, I'll be dead. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm going to find anything. I don't have access to anything. I'm just going to have to suffer I guess.

 

[pharmacoepia]

I'm sorry that your psych's are the incompetent type. I'm sorry about it all.

Remember that we are here for you. If you decide to go or seek more treatment, both are good options.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I'm so sorry to hear everything that's happened to you. You're right that this site shouldn't have to exist, there should be reforms and urgent expediting of research so that suicidal people have real help (or the option to check out when everything else fails) and not, "let's lock you in an institution for a few days so you'll calm down" as if you're a child being sent to time out for throwing toys out of the pram.

A fatal flaw of current medical science and psychiatry is that they fail to properly support long-term suicidal people, as all current avenues of support are geared towards those going through temporary crises, not individuals who need long-term support and have been frequent fliers in mental health services.

I understand how horribly frustrating it is to be stuck in a state of limbo where you know something is wrong, and these ghoulish doctors simply don't believe you or blow you off. Especially when you're trying to get disability benefits, and medical documentation is required to support your claim. Would anyone from the hospital be willing to provide the red tape needed for the claim, or not really?

No matter what happens, you are welcome here, and I hope that you can find some semblance of relief. I agree with you that it's so deeply unfair that suicidal people have to congregate in these niche corners of the internet, or feel criminalised for researching ways out, simply because the current healthcare system fails massively at allowing us to have honest conversations about this issue, or acknowledging that they are failing at taking any action beyond locking people up until they learn to lie their way out of the ward to avoid further punishment.

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly hate the fact that we exist in this anti suicide society where we cannot just pass away in peace without risks and complications, as humans we certainly deserve acceptance towards our right to die.

It's true that sites like this shouldn't need to exist, suicidal people shouldn't have to research suicide methods with all the complications, secrecy and risks involved in doing so, they should just be able to exit peacefully at a time of their own choosing. I'm also trapped here because of the fact that suicide is so unnecessarily difficult and I get that it really can be so tiring and awful feeling stuck here. This world undeniably is such a hellish place and I see it as being a punishment how there is no straightforward way to leave, but anyway I wish you the best.