It's so difficult

[amnotreal]

I know if I can recover that is better for my family. I would rather feel better and not ctb but I feel so bad emotionally and physically. I keep not purchasing anything and not having what I would need as a way to not ctb. I just am so obsessed with it though.

I wish there was a way to go without hurting my kids. I am trying to recover for them and not me.

 

[Life+me=error]

I am in a similar situation.

Now, obviously some SS memebers advice isn't going to change your life for the better. But here it is anyways...

1.Focus on your kids more.. What ever goals they have supported them more than you did before. This has 2 positive outcomes. First, your kids will accomplish their goal faster and second, it will keep you too busy to think (too much) about suicide.
2. Allow yourself some off time. Do something for yourself. Wellness, traveling locally, discover and read good books, try new foods and coffee flavors to spice up your daily life etc..
3. Seek help from you partner. Be open about your pain and tell him what you need to feel better. Maybe you need a back massage regularly, long conversations, a bath to relax, etc
4. Now, my last advice is to realize the value of your life. This life, for all we know, is all we got. Sure you have emotional and physical pain, but with medication, dedication, and a bit of luck you should be able to hold on for your kids and especially for yourself.

These are things from the top of my head. I left setting goals and seek new hobbies out as its probably the number one advice you get from everyone and everywhere.

Good luck

 

[Sweet emotion]

I know if I can recover that is better for my family. I would rather feel better and not ctb but I feel so bad emotionally and physically. I keep not purchasing anything and not having what I would need as a way to not ctb. I just am so obsessed with it though.

I wish there was a way to go without hurting my kids. I am trying to recover for them and not me.

You need to recover for yourself. Everything starts with yoursef. Self worth, self love, self esteem, respect. It all has to start with you. When people try to get better for others it never works. You have to learn to love yourself first before you can love anyone else. Would you mind if I asked why you want to die?

 

[LittleJem]

I am trying to recover for my mum - and not for me - and I want to say, big respect for you for hanging in there for your kids. I wish you lots and lots of strength.

I have tried two medications that haven't worked so far, and I am dreading trying the next one, but I don't want to upset my mum just yet.

Please keep doing what you are doing, you can keep going, and keep trying medications for long enough. I hope you find something that helps you.

 

[Sensei]

I have to be honest. It's one thing thing to catch the bus if you are alone, but if you have children you have to go on fighting. You have decided to get children, so you have to be a good parent. You have have made a choice and you have to stand by it.

 

[amnotreal]

You need to recover for yourself. Everything starts with yoursef. Self worth, self love, self esteem, respect. It all has to start with you. When people try to get better for others it never works. You have to learn to love yourself first before you can love anyone else. Would you mind if I asked why you want to die?

partly related to physical pain which I have had so many tests for and not found cause. the remaining tests frighten me quiet a bit to a degree that the fear isnt all that rational and I know all the ways to argue witht he fear but still i have it.

for me ctb is the ultimate permanent escape from things that are overwhelming whether it be physical pain or fear or depression

besides that I have mental illness some of which is related to and or caused by childhood trauma and it isn't like something i can really get better form. some of it i can but a lot of it I probably need to learn to live with including severe treatment resistant depression. ketamine therapy helped the depression but it's expensive and hard to find providers who offer it and right now i am here more because of physical stuff.

 

[Sweet emotion]

partly related to physical pain which I have had so many tests for and not found cause. the remaining tests frighten me quiet a bit to a degree that the fear isnt all that rational and I know all the ways to argue witht he fear but still i have it.

for me ctb is the ultimate permanent escape from things that are overwhelming whether it be physical pain or fear or depression

besides that I have mental illness some of which is related to and or caused by childhood trauma and it isn't like something i can really get better form. some of it i can but a lot of it I probably need to learn to live with including severe treatment resistant depression. ketamine therapy helped the depression but it's expensive and hard to find providers who offer it and right now i am here more because of physical stuff.

I'm really sorry. I know all about physical pain.