Help It's my birthday today

[Mr2004]

All I want is a gun. I didn't really want to see this birthday but no one was actually willing to help in the way I wanted. Who knows if I had one I might not use it. I'm 99% sure but not 100. I'll only know that when I 'm staring down the barrel of one. It would make me feel better just having it around then I know I don't have to be here if I don't want to and beleive me at the moment I really don't want to but I can't bring myself to use a knife or jump off a building or something but I 'm really being pushed to do something like that because I can't just go and buy a gun (in the UK) or get assisted suicide which would be the ideal solution. I just can't live with what I 've done but I don't want to suffer anymore than I have to to end it when I 'm suffering enough and that's precisely why I want to

 

[Sun Stealer]

All I want is a gun. I didn't really want to see this birthday but no one was actually willing to help in the way I wanted. Who knows if I had one I might not use it. I'm 99% sure but not 100. I'll only know that when I 'm staring down the barrel of one. It would make me feel better just having it around then I know I don't have to be here if I don't want to and beleive me at the moment I really don't want to but I can't bring myself to use a knife or jump off a building or something but I 'm really being pushed to do something like that because I can't just go and buy a gun (in the UK) or get assisted suicide which would be the ideal solution. I just can't live with what I 've done but I don't want to suffer anymore than I have to to end it when I 'm suffering enough and that's precisely why I want to

Sorry you are in such a rough place. I'm too much of a coward to do that.

 

[Mr2004]

Thankyou, and thanks for not saying happy birthday because it isn't. If it was 2004 and my 18th again but it isn't and I 've ruined my life ever since because I didn't do such a simple fucking thing. Makes me want to die. I might be too much of a coward too but if push comes to shove it's got to be preferable to the other options I mentioned

 

[Sun Stealer]

Thankyou, and thanks for not saying happy birthday because it isn't. If it was 2004 and my 18th again but it isn't and I 've ruined my life ever since because I didn't do such a simple fucking thing. Makes me want to die. I might be too much of a coward too but if push comes to shove it's got to be preferable to the other options I mentioned

Yes thought I best not mention the day. I took my first overdose days after my 18th. I wish you could go back and fix things but I guess we all want that

 

[Mr2004]

I wish for nothing more than a way to go back in time and change things but I know it's futile. I've already tried out of sheer desperation. Again had I just done what needed doing in the first place it never would have come to that. I'm such a fucking dickhead. We live and learn and want to kill ourselves

 

[Sun Stealer]

I wish for nothing more than a way to go back in time and change things but I know it's futile. I've already tried out of sheer desperation. Again had I just done what needed doing in the first place it never would have come to that. I'm such a fucking dickhead. We live and learn and want to kill ourselves

Do you want to talk about it?

 

[Definitelyworried]

I wish for nothing more than a way to go back in time and change things but I know it's futile. I've already tried out of sheer desperation. Again had I just done what needed doing in the first place it never would have come to that. I'm such a fucking dickhead. We live and learn and want to kill ourselves

What is it that you did, that is unresolveable?

 

[Mr2004]

What happened? I've gone over it so many times I'm tired of it but to cut a long story short what I didn't do was as simple as what I 'm doing now. Signing up to a website and talking and I never did it. There's reasons but nothing good enough frankly. Now we live in a world of smartphones and there's no way that would be possible however incompetent I was. It rubs it in. Everytime I see someone on a smartphone it triggers me. Imagine thinking you'd wasted your life because you didn't do a google search, that's what it boils down to and I don't even deserve sympathy. If that's how pathetic I am then I deserve everything I get. It's actually laughable if it wasn't so tragic. Unless some genius can erase all memory of it I don't know how much longer I can carry on. It's all I think about. I'm only still here because I can't end it. If death was instaneous I'd do anything to make it happen but it's not that simple

 

[Definitelyworried]

What happened? I've gone over it so many times I'm tired of it but to cut a long story short what I didn't do was as simple as what I 'm doing now. Signing up to a website and talking and I never did it. There's reasons but nothing good enough frankly. Now we live in a world of smartphones and there's no way that would be possible however incompetent I was. It rubs it in. Everytime I see someone on a smartphone it triggers me. Imagine thinking you'd wasted your life because you didn't do a google search, that's what it boils down to and I don't even deserve sympathy. If that's how pathetic I am then I deserve everything I get. It's actually laughable if it wasn't so tragic. Unless some genius can erase all memory of it I don't know how much longer I can carry on. It's all I think about. I'm only still here because I can't end it. If death was instaneous I'd do anything to make it happen but it's not that simple

Sorry to ask, but what was it you didn't Google search?

 

[Mr2004]

Wanted plastic surgery, put everything off until I got it and then did absolutely nothing to get it. It makes no sense on any level

 

[Definitelyworried]

So the plastic surgery didn't come out ok?
How long ago did you have plastic surgery done? And was it for your face?

 

[Sun Stealer]

What happened? I've gone over it so many times I'm tired of it but to cut a long story short what I didn't do was as simple as what I 'm doing now. Signing up to a website and talking and I never did it. There's reasons but nothing good enough frankly. Now we live in a world of smartphones and there's no way that would be possible however incompetent I was. It rubs it in. Everytime I see someone on a smartphone it triggers me. Imagine thinking you'd wasted your life because you didn't do a google search, that's what it boils down to and I don't even deserve sympathy. If that's how pathetic I am then I deserve everything I get. It's actually laughable if it wasn't so tragic. Unless some genius can erase all memory of it I don't know how much longer I can carry on. It's all I think about. I'm only still here because I can't end it. If death was instaneous I'd do anything to make it happen but it's not that simple

We all deserve sympathy and understanding .For our pain my friend

 

[Mr2004]

So the plastic surgery didn't come out ok?
How long ago did you have plastic surgery done? And was it for your face?

I never had it because I never put in the necessary effort to get it and that's the point. I thought it would be easy, parents will sort it out, celebrities get surgery all the time etc etc. How naive. The worst thing is I still don't know for sure if there's anyone that would do it now. It doesn't really matter anymore other than to know what would have happened. I really want to find out just to prove to myself I'm not that useless but if the answer is yes I'd have to kill myself because there's no way I could carry on knowing it could have been done all along had I just tried. One day to save fourteen years. I don't think many people could live with that. It might sound like I'm making excuses all over again but given what I 've said I think you'll understand why I need a gun beside me. I don't want to be pushed to doing something more unpleasant that's less reliable. Just when I think life couldn't get any worse it would. It's a unique problem for sure and not one most people will relate to and that's because most people wouldn't be stupid enough to do it

 

[Mr2004]

We all deserve sympathy and understanding .For our pain my friend

Thanks

 

[Definitelyworried]

I never had it because I never put in the necessary effort to get it and that's the point. I thought it would be easy, parents will sort it out, celebrities get surgery all the time etc etc. How naive. The worst thing is I still don't know for sure if there's anyone that would do it now. It doesn't really matter anymore other than to know what would have happened. I really want to find out just to prove to myself I'm not that useless but if the answer is yes I'd have to kill myself because there's no way I could carry on knowing it could have been done all along had I just tried. One day to save fourteen years. I don't think many people could live with that. It might sound like I'm making excuses all over again but given what I 've said I think you'll understand why I need a gun beside me. I don't want to be pushed to doing something more unpleasant that's less reliable. Just when I think life couldn't get any worse it would. It's a unique problem for sure and not one most people will relate to and that's because most people wouldn't be stupid enough to do it

Ok, I don't know anything about you, but it sounds to me that the plastic surgery is not something you need rather something you want.

Maybe if you really needed it you would had done more to get it.

And what if you would of gotten it and hated it and wanted to kill yourself because you regret getting it.
Sorry if I sound indifferent about it, but if the plastic surgery was just to "look better"
And you want to kill yourself, I would imagine that is not too much of a reason you should kill yourself over.


I'm not saying your pain isn't real, but I would think if this is leading you to be suicidal, I'm thinking almost anything will.

There are people who are homeless, lost loved ones, and have incurable diseases, all at once, who are still willing to live.
Just saying, incase u never gave this thought.

I too have thought of killing myself for things someone else might call minor, but only you know how much pain you are in.

I'm a 32 year old male and was also 18 years old in 2004 :(

 

[Sun Stealer]

I never had it because I never put in the necessary effort to get it and that's the point. I thought it would be easy, parents will sort it out, celebrities get surgery all the time etc etc. How naive. The worst thing is I still don't know for sure if there's anyone that would do it now. It doesn't really matter anymore other than to know what would have happened. I really want to find out just to prove to myself I'm not that useless but if the answer is yes I'd have to kill myself because there's no way I could carry on knowing it could have been done all along had I just tried. One day to save fourteen years. I don't think many people could live with that. It might sound like I'm making excuses all over again but given what I 've said I think you'll understand why I need a gun beside me. I don't want to be pushed to doing something more unpleasant that's less reliable. Just when I think life couldn't get any worse it would. It's a unique problem for sure and not one most people will relate to and that's because most people wouldn't be stupid enough to do it

Yes sounds so hard to live with that.

 

[Mr2004]

Ok, I don't know anything about you, but it sounds to me that the plastic surgery is not something you need rather something you want.

Maybe if you really needed it you would had done more to get it.

And what if you would of gotten it and hated it and wanted to kill yourself because you regret getting it.
Sorry if I sound indifferent about it, but if the plastic surgery was just to "look better"
And you want to kill yourself, I would imagine that is not too much of a reason you should kill yourself over.


I'm not saying your pain isn't real, but I would think if this is leading you to be suicidal, I'm thinking almost anything will.

There are people who are homeless, lost loved ones, and have incurable diseases, all at once, who are still willing to live.
Just saying, incase u never gave this thought.

I too have thought of killing myself for things someone else might call minor, but only you know how much pain you are in.

I'm a 32 year old male and was also 18 years old in 2004 :(

Then you should be able to grasp the weight of it. My life isn't as bad as those examples you've given but what I 've done is far worse. It wasn't a mistake, it was suicide. With the people in those unfortunate circumstances it isn't their fault

 

[Mr2004]

Yes sounds so hard to live with that.

It is

 

[Definitelyworried]

Then you should be able to grasp the weight of it. My life isn't as bad as those examples you've given but what I 've done is far worse. It wasn't a mistake, it was suicide. With the people in those unfortunate circumstances it isn't their fault

I feel like you are saying "I could have gotten a great prize for free, but because I didn't show up on time, I missed out, now I should kill myself".
I'm sorry, I been lurking this site for longer than I was ever planning to, and this is the first time I came across a thread like thid.
I really think you are being too hard on yourself.
But like I said only you know how much pain this is causing you.

 

[Mr2004]

It's not that I disagree with what you're saying just that it only makes me feel more stupid. I know my problems were pitiful and I was playing the victim. How I feel about that now is entirely justified.

 

[Definitelyworried]

It's not that I disagree with what you're saying just that it only makes me feel more stupid. I know my problems were pitiful and I was playing the victim. How I feel about that now is entirely justified.

Everyone makes stupid mistakes. Yours was not even bad.
U are going to want to make more people want to kill themselves if they compare reasons to suicide.
I'm not trying to be a jerk, you are being too hard on yourself.
I don't think you should be feeling so bad about what you have described.
I don't think I would.
I hope you feel better what ever you decide to do. Sincerley.

 

[Sun Stealer]

It's not that I disagree with what you're saying just that it only makes me feel more stupid. I know my problems were pitiful and I was playing the victim. How I feel about that now is entirely justified.

I hope you can find a way not to blame yourself. And your problems are not pitiful

 

[Mr2004]

Everyone makes stupid mistakes. Yours was not even bad.
U are going to want to make more people want to kill themselves if they compare reasons to suicide.
I'm not trying to be a jerk, you are being too hard on yourself.
I don't think you should be feeling so bad about what you have described.
I don't think I would.
I hope you feel better what ever you decide to do. Sincerley.

That's always a risk. That one persons problems make someone else feel worse about theirs. It's what I experience a lot myself. I've tried talking sense into 17 year olds when I can tell they're just feeling sorry for themselves and don't know what real problems are. They will by the year 2030 if they don't get their shit together. Sometimes I get annoyed with them because it's like I'm talking to myself but I 'm saying it in their best interest. I'm also jealous because I 'd give anything to be that age again and then on top of that they're online chatting which is what I didn't do. Triggers everywhere but it's not their problem it's mine. This might not be the in the traditional vein of suicidal motives but it is bad trust me and even harder when not everyone understands and my ability to express myself isn't what it used to be

 

[Mr2004]

I hope you can find a way not to blame yourself. And your problems are not pitiful

They were, they're not now

 

[Definitelyworried]

That's always a risk. That one persons problems make someone else feel worse about theirs. It's what I experience a lot myself. I've tried talking sense into 17 year olds when I can tell they're just feeling sorry for themselves and don't know what real problems are. They will by the year 2030 if they don't get their shit together. Sometimes I get annoyed with them because it's like I'm talking to myself but I 'm saying it in their best interest. I'm also jealous because I 'd give anything to be that age again and then on top of that they're online chatting which is what I didn't do. Triggers everywhere but it's not their problem it's mine. This might not be the in the traditional vein of suicidal motives but it is bad trust me and even harder when not everyone understands and my ability to express myself isn't what it used to be

I hope you feel better soon. I have a feeling u can and most likely will, u will see.

 

[Mr2004]

I hope you feel better soon. I have a feeling u can and most likely will, u will see.

I appreciate the good intentions

 

[Sun Stealer]

I appreciate the good intentions

Always people on here for you friend