Venting It's hard going outside

[trying ungracefully]

A big part of my recovery is needing to fight the anxiety of leaving the house, I barely went out for a couple years. Not leaving made me so depressed and suicidal because I saw no hope in getting better and it's not fun only living life in the house, car, and maybe going to the forest. Manic/psychosis episodes last year really turned things around for me and I've been trying so hard.

Today I went to a job interview and it went well but all I can think about is the fact that I need to go outside of my house, take a 40 minute bus ride, and work in a social setting and learn new skills if I get the job. Same with the other jobs I am applying to. I don't like being social too much, it drains me so much and I would have to put on a different face for customers too. It all seems overwhelming no matter how important I know it is for me to get a job.

I still don't really leave the house I don't think I went anywhere other than the car and two interviews for a while. I don't know if I will ever get over it and it scares me because I want to go places and have fun and not worry about how I am being perceived or if people are watching me.

I really wish I didn't think about going outside like most people and it was just a normal and regular thing. I cried yesterday because it sucks only going outside for about 1 hour by car. I'm not even the one driving. I am trying to gain independence and freedom so bad by leaving the house again, it is so hard.

 

[alwaysalone]

I'm so sorry. I can only tell you in my experience going out in small doses does help to reacquaint you with social situations. Go to the gas station buy a pack of gum. Or the grocery store and get a loaf if bread. That helped me a lot.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I hate going out too. I was actually perfectly fine with the covid lockdowns. Due to responsibilities and desperation for paying bills, I go to work and just try to not think about how uncomfortable I am. I have groceries, etc, delivered as much as possible and avoid meeting the delivery person. That's pretty impressive that you went out to a job interview.

 

[theboy]

I understand you perfectly

 

[SpinandPainr]

I'm so sorry. I can only tell you in my experience going out in small doses does help to reacquaint you with social situations. Go to the gas station buy a pack of gum. Or the grocery store and get a loaf if bread. That helped me a lot.

I just want to second this. I also practiced small talk whenever there weren't lines. so like at target complimenting eye makeup or something and having a bite sized convo

 

[Doll Steak]

Yeah I relate, for years it was just work and home, nothing more, only recently have I tried getting out more but it feels strange. I was planning to go out today, maybe just a walk in the park but I just ended up spending the entire day inside listening to music, I feel regret, but there's always tomorrow...

 

[trying ungracefully]

Yeah I relate, for years it was just work and home, nothing more, only recently have I tried getting out more but it feels strange. I was planning to go out today, maybe just a walk in the park but I just ended up spending the entire day inside listening to music, I feel regret, but there's always tomorrow...

Yeah there's always regret with not going out. I feel so lazy especially watching my younger brother get a job while I am still trying to apply for my first real job. I just have to take it one step at a time, even sitting in my yard can be a win. It's just sad to me that I have to put in this effort.

 

[kitkat9234]

I hate going outside as well. Mostly because I am so obese and disgusting and socially awkward. Luckily I can work from home part time but it's awful when I have to go into the office. I can't even look myself in the mirror I'm so grotesque let alone talk with people at my job. It's embarrassing how much I let myself go. I wish I could go back to when I was attractive. I fucking hate this and wish I could end it all. Ugh.