It's going to be this weekend

[BipolarGuy]

It's definitely going to be this weekend coming. I've decided.

I'm at the end, guys. I have a few days left. I'm done.

I'm sad, frustrated and bitter that things have come to this and I'm anxious about what I'll feel and how it will play out.
But I'm also relieved. God this is finally going to be over and I'll have peace.

I'm sat here with tears in my eyes.

I know this seems like nothing more than words on a page, and after you've seen this sort of thing a few times perhaps you get used to it.
But my universe is coming to an end this weekend.

I cannot afford to pay for a funeral, so no need to do that.
The only thing I need a will for is to state formally that IF I do end up having some kind of funeral or burial service that I don't want my family there. My will was delivered today and I'll write it up tomorrow.
Tomorrow I'll also start to clean my place up.
I'll then have a day or two before the weekend arrives.

Weird to think that this time next week I'll no longer be here.


I will upload a goodbye thread when it comes, but I'm just tagging a few people that might be interested to know about this, as frankly I don't have the energy to send out individual PM's:

@TheQ22
@BitterlyAlive
@checkouttime
@Chupacabra 44
@Deafsn0w
@Drowning fish
@GoneGoneGone
@mahakali88
@Maxtothemax
@Mm80
@Passerby
@Raven Moon
@RoseyBird
@Underscore
@User Does Not Exist
@_Minsk
@Sinkinshyp

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

Great, then we will probably be able to continue discussing on the bus. Mine is leaving on Sunday evening.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

I'm here for you if you need me. Just message me, I know you said you don't have the energy to send individual pm's but the offer is there. I hope you will find the love and peace on the other side that this life failed to give you. I hope it is fast and painless for you.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

It's definitely more than just words on a page and I won't ever get used to someone leaving. I don't like the idea of you leaving because it makes me sad but I want you to find the peace you're looking for.

 

[checkouttime]

I don't think you can ever get used to it! the way i'm feeling i might not be far behind you! i respect your decision,it was nice to talk to you and i wish you peace.

 

[BipolarGuy]

I'm here for you if you need me. Just message me, I know you said you don't have the energy to send individual pm's but the offer is there. I hope you will find the love and peace on the other side that this life failed to give you. I hope it is fast and painless for you.

God I appreciate it. I'm glad we're in PM contact right now!

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

i know its your time, but don't hesitate to reconsider. i know how it is. my time is near as well

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I'll be thinking of you and wish you peace. In case I'm not online I wanted to go ahead and say I'll miss you here and I greatly appreciate your great posts, insight, and kind input on this forum.

 

[BipolarGuy]

i know its your time, but don't hesitate to reconsider. i know how it is. my time is near as well

Oh be careful. Making me aware that I have the option to reconsider, you might have the pro-death squad that lurks on this website on your tail saying "you shouldn't be saying that"!

Thank you though :)

I'll be thinking of you and wish you peace. In case I'm not online I wanted to go ahead and say I'll miss you here and I greatly appreciate your great posts, insight, and kind input on this forum.

That's very kind of you, thank you.
If you're not online, you'll get to see the goodbye thread after the event.

Take care of yourself, and perhaps I'll see you around beforehand and maybe on the day.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

Oh be careful. Making me aware that I have the option to reconsider, you might have the pro-death squad that lurks on this website on your tail saying "you shouldn't be saying that"!

Thank you though :)

I wasn't sure what to say as this will be the first time I am here when a friend does CTB. I want to tell you I add to the voices of the rest- you will be missed. Your threads and kind insight. Yes, you can reconsider and put it off if you aren't fully ready. Yes I was afraid I would be told I'm guilting you or people telling me this wasn't a thread to post you can reconsider. I'm trying to be support for you my friend. In whatever way you need me to be. I'm just sending you huge hugs, lots of love and a pm box to talk to me about anything...

 

[Ghost2211]

It's for sure not just words on a page. You're awesome and cared about. I'm not too surprised you're going a bit early. It's hard waiting for two weeks for no major reason. You'll be missEd, and I'll remember you for the good times.

 

[_Minsk]

God this is finally going to be over and I'll have peace.

i felt this.
i am sorry that life brought you to this and that you have to experience this all. i wish i could write more and help you to feel more comfortable. it makes me sad that so many good and friendly people have gone or are about to leave this all. i hope your decision gives you some relief. i enjoyed your posts and what you brought into this place, you are a very special person and you will be missed here. whatever you decide, we will be here for you and support you. sending *hugs*

 

[BipolarGuy]

I wasn't sure what to say as this will be the first time I am here when a friend does CTB. I want to tell you I add to the voices of the rest- you will be missed. Your threads and kind insight. Yes, you can reconsider and put it off if you aren't fully ready. Yes I was afraid I would be told I'm guilting you or people telling me this wasn't a thread to post you can reconsider. I'm trying to be support for you my friend. In whatever way you need me to be. I'm just sending you huge hugs, lots of love and a pm box to talk to me about anything...

Oh, don't every allow the pro-death fanatic minority on this website prevent you from offering empathetic support to other members.
You've no need to be 'afraid' of them.

I think I'm going to get more massages before the weekend.

It's surreal being around people in real life anyway, knowing that this is coming. I bet it's going to be weirder now that it's coming this weekend.

Great, then we will probably be able to continue discussing on the bus. Mine is leaving on Sunday evening.

Hey, are you using SN too?

i felt this.
i am sorry that life brought you to this and that you have to experience this all. i wish i could write more and help you to feel more comfortable. it makes me sad that so many good and friendly people have gone or are about to leave this all. i hope your decision gives you some relief. i enjoyed your posts and what you brought into this place, you are a very special person and you will be missed here. whatever you decide, we will be here for you and support you. sending *hugs*

Thank you.
I take comfort in the fact that no matter how good or bad each of our lives are, we all get the same ultimate peace in the end.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I'm sorry your life is so bad. I wish you peace.

 

[SNOB]

we havent talked personally but i seen your cheese post and it made me LOL

its always nice to see another UK cheese lover, wish u the best, drop me a line if u feel bro ((((:

 

[rt1989526]

You will be missed. Wishing you peace.

 

[AlreadyGone]

I hope you find peace

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I know this seems like nothing more than words on a page

No, this is so much more than simply "words on a page". I'm so sorry that you're in such immense pain. I can relate to your relief though, and everything just feeling surreal now that you've decided. That's exactly how I felt when I was intending to go through with my suicide back in July. Thank you for this post, and it's 100% okay that you did this instead of messaging us - that would be exhausting.

I work all day every weekend, but I'll try my best to be here for you when you pass.

 

[checkouttime]

I think I'm going to get more massages before the weekend.

treat yourself.... to a happy ending aswell!!

 

[BipolarGuy]

No, this is so much more than simply "words on a page". I'm so sorry that you're in such immense pain. I can relate to your relief though, and everything just feeling surreal now that you've decided. That's exactly how I felt when I was intending to go through with my suicide back in July. Thank you for this post, and it's 100% okay that you did this instead of messaging us - that would be exhausting.

I work all day every weekend, but I'll try my best to be here for you when you pass.

Thank you. It will likely be in the evening as I'll be in a hotel.

 

[OnlyTheWind]

I'm sorry that you've been brought to this point. It is my wish for you that your exit will bring you all the peace and joy that life in this Hell was not able to.

 

[BipolarGuy]

Thank you.

I have nobody that I can speak to openly about this in real life.

I phoned the Samaritans yesterday. What a waste of an hour that was.
To be fair I have had one guy pick up the phone that actually had a two way conversation with me and that was actually VERY helpful.
But most of them are so wrapped up in the idea that "we don't give advice" that they're not even willing to have a two way conversation.
All she said was the occasional "I understand".
So after talking for about an hour with occasional pauses, expecting her to speak, I got to the end of the call and was told "I do hope you phone back if you feel like it, take care now, bye".

 

[Ghost2211]

Thank you.

I have nobody that I can speak to openly about this in real life.

I phoned the Samaritans yesterday. What a waste of an hour that was.
To be fair I have had one guy pick up the phone that actually had a two way conversation with me and that was actually VERY helpful.
But most of them are so wrapped up in the idea that "we don't give advice" that they're not even willing to have a two way conversation.
All she said was the occasional "I understand".
So after talking for about an hour with occasional pauses, expecting her to speak, I got to the end of the call and was told "I do hope you phone back if you feel like it, take care now, bye".

I understand... oh shit wait.

No but seriously they're not that great. I'm sure they have good intentions, but most of them have never been suicidal themselves, so they can't truly understand even if they want to. Wont they at least not call the police on you? The suicide line here will sick the dogs on you if you're too close to the edge.

 

[BipolarGuy]

I understand... oh shit wait.

No but seriously they're not that great. I'm sure they have good intentions, but most of them have never been suicidal themselves, so they can't truly understand even if they want to. Wont they at least not call the police on you? The suicide line here will sick the dogs on you if you're too close to the edge.

The guy that was helpful said he had been in my place before, so that probably explains why he was so good. And he was very good, in all fairness.

No, I don't think they call the police on you.

 

[checkouttime]

Thank you.

I have nobody that I can speak to openly about this in real life.

I phoned the Samaritans yesterday. What a waste of an hour that was.
To be fair I have had one guy pick up the phone that actually had a two way conversation with me and that was actually VERY helpful.
But most of them are so wrapped up in the idea that "we don't give advice" that they're not even willing to have a two way conversation.
All she said was the occasional "I understand".
So after talking for about an hour with occasional pauses, expecting her to speak, I got to the end of the call and was told "I do hope you phone back if you feel like it, take care now, bye".

I don't have experience withtthe samaritans thing, i wouldn't listen anyway!!!

are they not there to just listen?? i imagine they may be scared of what they say in case they get the wrong reaction. i imagine they are 'learened' to deal with things a certain way, i have a feeling its to just listen. I'm not sticking up for them by the way i don't kno whow they are meant to do there job. i know you were wanting more though, i guess thats why its better to talk on here than to them, as youcan actually get some sort of interaction.

 

[Racon]

@RoseyBird @checkouttime
I don't get why people here hate so much on Samaritans. They aren't the usual Facebook virtue signallers. They are volunteering a ton of their time in the hope to help talk people through hard times.

 

[checkouttime]

@BipolarGuy
You'll report me? Oh I'll report you Mr F word

I don't think their is a rule against being vain, just like their clearly isn't a rule on being an A hole.

 

[Ghost2211]

Well there is no way not to put it rudely, but the thread is rather vain.

People often say when they plan on leaving in the near future. It helps them process and gives their friends a chance to talk to them about it. Nobody is forcing you to read it if you don't like it, but it seems needlessly rude to derail it to make it a fight about you.

 

[BipolarGuy]

I'll let @sanctionedsuicide deal with the troll (who has been reported), because I don't want my thread being ruined by one of the pro-death cult members on this forum.

 

[Ghost2211]

@RoseyBird @checkouttime
I don't get why people here hate so much on Samaritans. They aren't the usual Facebook virtue signallers. They are volunteering a ton of their time in the hope to help talk people through hard times.

I don't hate them. I just feel like they're reading a script, and can't really do much to help.