haragirigirl
Apathetic wanderer
- May 25, 2023
- 6
Idk how to start this, it's my first post and I'm probably just gonna ramble (sorry in advance). So essentially I'm fucking over everything. Like as far back as I can remember my life has been bleak and miserable. Like from having an abusive mother to a father you need to take care of that punishes you for providing that care. Abusive friends teacher etc; the whole nine. And then I started doing drugs thinking I'd eventually die from it like I was doing reckless shit and just never ended up getting even close to dying. Now I'm at a point where I've cut most of the people I know out of my life (cuz they're fucking toxic as fuck) and I'm about to be homeless and even when I try to get help all of there so called professionals are either judgey, don't give a shit, or just refuse to help. Then I feel like a loser cuz I'm still living with my mom (or my dad I go back and forth cuz I can only put up with each for so long) but like every time I get a job it's incredibly toxic, like working for less than minimum wage, getting fired for medical issues with a doctors note, getting sexually harassed, etc. and I can barely get out of bed or function as a human without at least my anxiety meds but no even though I've been prescribed them for years I'm just drug seeking even though they'll give them to people I know who eat and sell them all within a week. The only thing I care about is my cat who recently got hurt and I've been taking care of, but everyday is just meaningless and I'm over it. Idk if I wanna die per say anymore like I do and I don't I just don't wanna be here nothing makes sense to me. I don't think people should have to work their whole lives for basic necessities just to be miserable and in pain and maybe get a few years off when ur too old and weak to do anything you're passionate about. Like I'm over it fr I don't see a way to be happy here. I can't talk to people I don't want to because everything is this bullshit facade I'm tired of participating in. I don't see a way of anything changing I've tried healing I've tried reaching out for help I've tried putting myself in horrendous situations where I should die and nothing works
