dayhell
Member
- Jul 6, 2025
- 25
We were only together for a short time but that was the happiest I've ever been in my entire miserable life. The love I felt for her was something magical and when she broke up with me because she simply fell out of love, it broke me. We parted ways peacefully and I never blamed her, but it really messed me up. I was already horribly depressed and in therapy, then this happened and I started having anger issues and homicidal ideation that tormented me for many years. I couldn't stop fantasizing about hurting her and killing her while I had to quietly sit next to her in the classroom and try not to lose my mind until we graduated. And then I never saw her again.
After a long time I did forget about her and fell in love again and again but it never worked out. No one else could make me as happy as she did and I'd do anything to feel that way again with someone. I'm in a long distance relationship with a girl right now and I do love her, but my feelings aren't nearly as intense and the contrast is killing me. A few days ago some things came together that reminded me of her again and I'm back to my broken, pitiful, angry self. I'm crying all the time, I miss her so much and I don't know how to handle this is a way that is fair to my current girlfriend.
I found my ex's old tumblr account, she still uses it, and saw that she's happy with someone else and it hurts although that was obviously expected. I created a new, nameless account and sent her a kind message wishing her a good day but it's been many hours and she hasn't responded yet and I know that it would be best to deactivate it right now instead of begging her for that 10 seconds of attention it takes to answer a random ask she might just ignore anyway. I'm so pathetic and unfair to my girlfriend who actually loves me and gives me her time and attention. I wish I could love her more intensely and cherish her more and be a good partner instead of the piece of shit I'm being right now behind her back.
I just want it to stop hurting, I want my dreams about her to stop for good, I want to be free of these chains. It feels like as if I ate a perfect cake one time and then everything else tastes like cardboard in comparison forever. I hate my life and I wish I was dead more than anything. I loathe this painful existence I'm being forced through and I want to finally end it all for good.
After a long time I did forget about her and fell in love again and again but it never worked out. No one else could make me as happy as she did and I'd do anything to feel that way again with someone. I'm in a long distance relationship with a girl right now and I do love her, but my feelings aren't nearly as intense and the contrast is killing me. A few days ago some things came together that reminded me of her again and I'm back to my broken, pitiful, angry self. I'm crying all the time, I miss her so much and I don't know how to handle this is a way that is fair to my current girlfriend.
I found my ex's old tumblr account, she still uses it, and saw that she's happy with someone else and it hurts although that was obviously expected. I created a new, nameless account and sent her a kind message wishing her a good day but it's been many hours and she hasn't responded yet and I know that it would be best to deactivate it right now instead of begging her for that 10 seconds of attention it takes to answer a random ask she might just ignore anyway. I'm so pathetic and unfair to my girlfriend who actually loves me and gives me her time and attention. I wish I could love her more intensely and cherish her more and be a good partner instead of the piece of shit I'm being right now behind her back.
I just want it to stop hurting, I want my dreams about her to stop for good, I want to be free of these chains. It feels like as if I ate a perfect cake one time and then everything else tastes like cardboard in comparison forever. I hate my life and I wish I was dead more than anything. I loathe this painful existence I'm being forced through and I want to finally end it all for good.
