Battling depressing, neurological issues, and deep state beatings, it's been slow going preparing everything. I wasn't suicidal before the latest beatings. However, once everything is set to go for CTB, I can get it done.
I think it helps to have a trigger. If you're just having a regular miserable day, it's tough to act. I think if I've got everything set up as far as methods, I'm almost waiting for negative momentum to ride.....something upsetting that will just nudge me over the edge. It's so hard to do it on just a regular bad day.