it would be easier if therapist reporting rules were different

[amnotreal]

i keep feeling suicidal and i know i am not in danger of acting on it and i don't even have the means anyway. i know enough about local plants i could probably successfully do it anytime i want but it would hurt and be horrible that way and i am always too afraid to acquire sn so never have it on hand.

i feel so depressed though and i keep wishing the rules where different. that i could feel safe talking to therapists and that talking to them wouldnt just make me feel worse. i wish i could check myself into a hospital and get real help but my experience in a psych ward and then later in an iop/php program have left me more afraid to reach out than ever before.

and my depression is largely being triggered by something wrong with my colon making it just not work well at all and waiting for tests to diagnose it and waiting for a phone call just to schedule the test even. i feel so insecure in this world when doctors rarely listen and rarely help and mental health care can't fix my body and going inpatient just ends up delaying tests.

my house is a horrible mess and i can't clean it. trying causes horrible flashbacks of my mom yelling at me as a child and then my body refuses to work and physical symptoms get worse.

it seems like if suicide was legal and if having a plan and the means and intent and a time didn't mean being locked up for some set length of time. i wish the hospital with the equipment for this test would just call me back already and schedule it.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I think many people have similar feelings. The way it works, it's hard to trust the people who claim to want to help. It's difficult for them also, because they have an official duty of care to safeguard. I've learned not to trust them, which i can't help but feel is unfortunate.

 

[sufferingalways]

Hi what was it specifically in the psych ward etc that made you more afraid? Anything specific you remember putting your guard up? ( Ive had the odd crap head put me down but overall trying again seemed in my genes somehow. )

I think many people have similar feelings. The way it works, it's hard to trust the people who claim to want to help. It's difficult for them also, because they have an official duty of care to safeguard. I've learned not to trust them, which i can't help but feel is unfortunate.

Sorry to hear that. What caused your mistrust?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

It really does suck because you can't be specific about plans with them, my therapist does know I want to CTB and I even told her the date but because it's far enough in the future (about 3+ years) she luckily doesn't feel the need to report it...

 

[sufferingalways]

It really does suck because you can't be specific about plans with them, my therapist does know I want to CTB and I even told her the date but because it's far enough in the future (about 3+ years) she luckily doesn't feel the need to report it...

I hear you, but I was honest with mine (2011..) about the drudgery in life making me feel too overwhelmed to cope. Maybe i got a rare one, and on the Nhs too. But it took me 7 years hunting and being kicked around the system to get support. The previous year i had a lady who, though kind, hardly scratched the surface of what's wrong. Superficial i think you would call the approach. Dr A was fab. Though at times she was a dick and when I felt insulted I told her. I felt she overdid the ("what makes you think that?) line, and said so. Instinct, was one of my answers to that.
They can talk a load of bollocks sometimes which makes the work much harder.

 

[Gentleman]

Try the hotline. I assure you no one will call anyone.

 

[amnotreal]

Hi what was it specifically in the psych ward etc that made you more afraid? Anything specific you remember putting your guard up? ( Ive had the odd crap head put me down but overall trying again seemed in my genes somehow. )

oh they where very skeptical of my therapist and misinterpreted extreme flashbacks as psychosis. they didn't want to believe that I have DID or that the abuse I experienced was real. they also didn't believe me about medical issues which I am still dealing with getting diagnosed and turns out the tests they did never would have found because i need really specific tests to diagnose that are expensive and few places have the equipment for. I am getting the test I need on Tuesday.

 

[noaccount]

Try the hotline. I assure you no one will call anyone.

Please don't tell people that things that have happened to them don't happen

 

[Gentleman]

Please don't tell people that things that have happened to them don't happen

I'm curious now. How did they find you?

 

[goodbyebunny]

It's one of the most ironic truths, that modern medicine and healthcare practices often cause more harm than good. In the face of generations of vulnerable individuals needing help, our system is still under-equipped, under-staffed, and lacking in compassion.

 

[Moonomyth]

I'm curious now. How did they find you?

Usually either by pinging your cellphone or by looking for past addresses and assuming the most recent one is current. Calling the hotline necessitates having an exit plan. If you think they are trying to keep you on the line in order to keep you busy while the police are being called, it is important to hang up, turn off your phone, and immediately leave the area, preferably by mass transit or in a car not directly connected to yours.