It was my birthday

[silentinbetween]

I haven't posted in a pretty long time, but my birthday is always the worst day of the year for me and I missed the forum.
A lot of things have changed, I went to college and really really tried to find a reason to live. I met someone I really liked and had my heart broken, and the breakup kinda sent me on a downward spiral. More than the breakup itself, I ended up doing a lot of... self destructive shit and had to face the fact that none of the reasons I had wanted to ctb in the first place had been resolved. It's been about a month now, and combined with the usual shitshow that is my birthday I'm pretty hurt.
i have a year left now until I reach the deadline that I've had since I was 15. I'm going to try to stop myself from ctb. I'm gonna try therapy, try again to be happy, but god, I'm tired. Any words of encouragement would really help me... it's hard to try when you're tired and all you want to do is curl up and die.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

Happy Birthday, I hope this year is better for you. Giving therapy a try is a wise decision because of the possibility of it working for you. Who knows how your life may change?

 

[134340]

Happy birthday, I'm sorry that it's such a difficult time for you. Giving therapy a shot is a really brave decision, especially when you just want to stop fighting. I personally swear by therapy, it's all about finding a therapist that you "click" with so don't be afraid to switch if you don't get along with the first one you find. Wishing you all the luck in the world. You deserve a shot at a healthy life, and the fact that you're taking steps towards that is such a big deal. Hugs if you want them

 

[Soul]

I'm sorry you've been struggling so and want to wrap you in warm strong well-wishes. You're brave and wise to carry on even when the road is rocky. It gets smoother. (((Hugs)))

 

[Ferxro]

I'm deeply sorry you've struggled this much <3
I think trying therapy is a great idea and remember if you don't click well with the therapist to advocate for yourself and get someone who works for you in positive ways <3 <3

I've some advice that may not be the best but I'd like to share, a year left doesn't seem like much in the long term it can take a while to make your life better to actually feel positive about it, simply put shits hard and can take years of therapy, I think putting your life on the line with a certain date to get better usually ends up making things worse (or at least in my experience) and I'd advise against it however I understand and am unjudgmental if you decide to make a deadline just be aware of if its effects <3

 

[Deleted member 13227]

I haven't posted in a pretty long time, but my birthday is always the worst day of the year for me and I missed the forum.
A lot of things have changed, I went to college and really really tried to find a reason to live. I met someone I really liked and had my heart broken, and the breakup kinda sent me on a downward spiral. More than the breakup itself, I ended up doing a lot of... self destructive shit and had to face the fact that none of the reasons I had wanted to ctb in the first place had been resolved. It's been about a month now, and combined with the usual shitshow that is my birthday I'm pretty hurt.
i have a year left now until I reach the deadline that I've had since I was 15. I'm going to try to stop myself from ctb. I'm gonna try therapy, try again to be happy, but god, I'm tired. Any words of encouragement would really help me... it's hard to try when you're tired and all you want to do is curl up and die.

Happy birthday brother. I feel your pain and I have thoughts about CBT in the back off my mind, I am also going to try therapy.

 

[Kaczka86]

You already had birthday so...happy new year! It's good to hear you want to change things. No one can really help you, if you don't want to.. You already made first and I think the most important step for better future. Hope for more better days for you!