Venting It was almost a good day.

[WaitingPatiently]

I woke up feeling great.

Went through the morning routine and got outside for the day.

I don't know what did it, but something switched halfway through the day. I knew it wouldn't last long, and I spiraled into thinking of how good times would never last long anyways.

It would almost be better if I was miserable all the time, instead of tainting any good time with the looming knowledge that I'm going to find a way to be depressive.

I don't know whats wrong with me, or how I manage to ruin perfectly good things. But I'm here. For now.

 

[iloverachel]

Yeah I can relate
On the times or days i feel a bit better, i know its a matter of time before i feel like shit again. Tiny glimpses of hope only to be disappointed

 

[etherealgoddess]

I woke up feeling great.

Went through the morning routine and got outside for the day.

I don't know what did it, but something switched halfway through the day. I knew it wouldn't last long, and I spiraled into thinking of how good times would never last long anyways.

It would almost be better if I was miserable all the time, instead of tainting any good time with the looming knowledge that I'm going to find a way to be depressive.

I don't know whats wrong with me, or how I manage to ruin perfectly good things. But I'm here. For now.

This is something I was pondering about as I've been depressed: getting sick of the highs and lows of life.

But let me ask you this: is it depressing because of what it is or is it because you aren't actually present at the moment? Maybe it is thinking about life instead of living life that makes you feel depressed. Instead of thinking about the patterns of highs and lows you have had and the patterns of highs and lows you will inevitably engage in, maybe you should just embrace whatever high or low it is in the moment. I've noticed this helps a lot for me.

 

[WaitingPatiently]

maybe you should just embrace whatever high or low it is in the moment. I've noticed this helps a lot for me.

I appreciate the response, and that's sound advice.

But I'm not sure I would be able to just stop thinking like that. I can so easily get caught on any tiny thing, and it's all downhill from there.

You're right, in that when I don't overthink anything (or "forget" to) I tend to feel a lot better. But it's avoiding the top of the spiral thats the hard part for me.

 

[etherealgoddess]

I appreciate the response, and that's sound advice.

But I'm not sure I would be able to just stop thinking like that. I can so easily get caught on any tiny thing, and it's all downhill from there.

You're right, in that when I don't overthink anything (or "forget" to) I tend to feel a lot better. But it's avoiding the top of the spiral thats the hard part for me.

I think it's about having awareness of thoughts versus controlling them. Thoughts are like a suggestion section on Youtube, almost like an ad, that pops up randomly as you play a game. It's more about having awareness that you are having the thought. It's like having a distance from the thought.

An analogy I can say is to think about chess pieces on a chess board. A chess piece is a thought. Instead of BEING the thought, or BEING the chess piece, you want to be watching the entire chess board with all the pieces. You are observing the thoughts you are having.

In terms of the validity of your thoughts, thoughts are quite literally an echo chamber of everything you have ever heard in your entire life. If you, for example, hear something related to, maybe, Donald Trump, you're more likely to maybe have some random thoughts about him randomly later in the day. Thoughts aren't necessarily real. You should search up thought mistakes on Google to better understand what thoughts are "fake news." By the way, it's not a "mistake" to have thought mistakes. It's rather just more like a bug in the system. Your job isn't to have less buggy thoughts. Your job is to just be aware of those thoughts and that they're buggy. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

[Ash]

Another analogy that's used a lot is standing on a river bank watching leaves and sticks (your thoughts) drift past. You acknowledge them and consider them if you want, but you don't jump in and follow them downstream and end up caught in rapids or plunging down a waterfall.

It takes a lot of practice and there's no such thing as doing it perfectly, but it's meant to be the balance between accepting you have these thoughts and feelings but not being dominated by them.