Venting it really sucks to have depression and also an eating disorder

[aeri]

I always feel like im wasting food and money by eating, since I'd like to ctb soon I shouldn't be wasting all this

Moreover I can see I actually don't deserve food, im so fat lol

but yeah, it really really sucks to have an eating disorder (OSFED in my case) and also depression, I've been dealing with both since I was like 11 but this last year my eating disorder really got... overwhelming

and when i plan suicide dates but actually don't attempt (most of the time because the bitch is scared, yes me im the bitch), I end up comfort eating and then i regret because I'm already fat so I shouldn't eat so then I feel even more suicidal

smh it's fucked up and honestly annoying

 

[WornOutLife]

I can totally relate.
To make matters worse, I also drink alcohol! (although just once or twice a week. I used to do it everyday!! Terrible)

Anyway, hope we can get the hell out of the depression zone and eat properly once and for all.

 

[BandAddict]

They seem to feed into one another sometimes (pun not intended).

Last year my ED got out of hand as well, but somehow I wasn't actively suicidal then, I just figured I'd die or live the rest of my life to please my ED. I thought about food too much to think about how miserable I was.

Started all-in recovery early December, gave it a good go until a couple weeks ago, but I've become so fucking depressed that I can't pull myself out of it. So here's where I'm at now: My ED makes me more depressed, but I'm too depressed to try and turn things around now. If I want to maybe lessen the load that restriction has put on me, then I'd have to eat, but then I'd have a hell of a time coping if I did—I don't have the energy. I also have a date set to CTB soon, so I feel like there's no point, as recovery is a long-term investment? I know that's irrational, because why would I make myself suffer even more before CTB? It's all so stupid, I can't believe I'm letting this happen again...

In short, I feel you, I hope things get better for you somehow. I reccomend checking out Tabitha Farrar on YouTube or reading her blog. I wouldn't have started recovery in the first place without her.

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

I feel you.

My ED is more like anorexia, so when I feel bad or something happens I don't eat. Normally I eat as little as possible... It makes me feel better, although I know it really doesn't because my body is not feeling well. And those things makes me feel worse and feeds my ED thoughts. 99% my day is thinking how I'm not allowed to eat and suicide. This is never ending hell. I hope we all can feel better someday.

 

[Dead girl walking]

I always feel like im wasting food and money by eating, since I'd like to ctb soon I shouldn't be wasting all this

Moreover I can see I actually don't deserve food, im so fat lol

but yeah, it really really sucks to have an eating disorder (OSFED in my case) and also depression, I've been dealing with both since I was like 11 but this last year my eating disorder really got... overwhelming

and when i plan suicide dates but actually don't attempt (most of the time because the bitch is scared, yes me im the bitch), I end up comfort eating and then i regret because I'm already fat so I shouldn't eat so then I feel even more suicidal

smh it's fucked up and honestly annoying

Plz don't annoy yourself for comforting your body or showing it love the only way you know how to. I'm battling controlled anorexia and. I know it's stupid but I'm jealous of people who can eat. My body won't let me. I'm hungry but my brain tells me I'm weak when I think of eating something. I wonder sometimes should I just starve myself to death. I'm sure you have thought it woul be easier dying with the issues associated with overeating. But really, it's a disease in our brains. I'm not dissing your right to a choice, but I used to work with eating disorders ,(really complicated eh Altho I can't work at the minute. I'm too weak. You can transform your life if you get the right help to understand why you seek love from food. You can understand why you are like this. Our conditions are treatable...if you don't try you will never know how different your life could have been x

 

[lofticries]

As terrible as this sounds I don't quite want to part with my eating disorder like I want to part with my depression. Maybe because its the only thing I have some control over. Also body weight is very easy to manipulate and see results. Unlike other things in life which aren't always certain no matter the effort.

 

[Dear Agony]

I deal with an eating disorder and depression too, and it's the worst combo. I don't want to die fat, but at the same time I know I'll always see myself that way. There's no amount of weight I could lose that would make me less afraid to commit suicide. I don't want to die, but at the same time I can't keep living like this.