Discussion It has to happen tonight [goodbye]

[itsbigbraintime]

I wasn't aware there's a time limit on editing posts. So I'll keep updated if anything happens here, I suppose.
Edit 9:30PM: We're two and a half hours out. I'm just sitting, listening to music, contemplating.

 

[EdgarVanGogh]

I feel exactly the same way you do. I'm 22 and I feel like such a failure. I have no ambition, will, hobby's, or interest in anything. My main life goal the past few years has been to escape my head. I feel my mental deteriorating and feel my time on earth is expiring quickly. Whether you do or do not do it, I hope you find your peace.

 

[AlreadyGone]

Good luck. Regardless of the decision you make, I hope it works out for you.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

Just wanted to add my well wishes and restate what so many have said: if you're having doubts of any kind, you can always delay. The option to ctb will always be there, waiting for the day that you're absolutely sure.

Since you're fairly new here, I think it's important to let you know that lots of folks here take more than one try. There are plenty of good-bye threads that turn out to be a change of heart - or even a rescue - later.

Either way, there is plenty of love and light from all of us to lift you on your way. Whatever direction you choose, I hope you find peace.

 

[Deleted member 14177]

Wishing you so much peace.

 

[itsbigbraintime]

Thank you all for your support. I'm starting to work up some anxiety again since the time is approaching. I've taken my painkillers, and will soon take the antacid as well. We will see how it goes, I suppose.

Update 11:30PM: Took five antacid tablets, I figure that should work. I'm not gonna lie. That's scary, the only other thing lying in front of me is the SN.

 

[Iloveyouall]

How are you feeling ?

 

[itsbigbraintime]

How are you feeling ?

Well, SN is now in water form, so there's that. Aside from that.....anxious.

 

[Iloveyouall]

There is no shame in postponing. Your choice my friend.

 

[itsbigbraintime]

I tasted it. Seems perfectly fine, I like salty things so this is my kinda way out. Only problem is I cannot bring myself to drink it. It's very easy physically, just some simple steps. Open cap on bottle, lift bottle, drink. It's amazing how hard something so simple can be. And infuriating. I know I'm going to do this at some point anyway, it should be easy to do.

 

[Iloveyouall]

Maybe it's just not your time.

 

[elacnt]

You know and I told you, it's ok to postpone. You know I understand you well and from where it comes this anxiety about doing it. I know it's not about fearing dying or not being sure of wanting it.
But It's your choice and whatever you decide we're here to support you and there's no shame on either way you choose to go

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I just posted the following quote on another thread. Perhaps you need more time to reflect, and tonight is not the time to drink it.

We need to be warned and strengthened in both directions – not to love or to hate life overmuch. Even when reason advises us to make an end of it, the impulse is not to be adopted without reflection or at headlong speed. The brave and wise man should not flee from life but withdraw from it.

- Seneca

 

[itsbigbraintime]

I think you guys are right. While I was angry with myself for not being able to drink the SN, I guess I should take this as a sign that it isn't quite time. I know where to find it if ever it comes to be the proper time. I think tomorrow I'm going to call out of work, and reflect on everything. I love you guys, and this community so much. Thank you. It's time for me to sleep

 

[Deleted member 14177]

I'm so glad you're still here. Sending you warm hugs today.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

Congratulations on making a decision that you "live with!"

Kidding, of course.

In all honesty, I'm glad you're still here. Like I posted above, it often takes more than one try, and that's okay. We're still here for you and no one will judge you.

You've just been through something extremely stressful and difficult. Be gentle with yourself. Try to just put one foot in front of the other for a while.

 

[issyishere]

hey man just checked in to see how you're doing. Selfishly glad you're still with us. Treat yourself today for us please. Sending love and positivity

 

[colcol]

i dont personaly know you but i totaly understand and may or may not see you on the other side soon .
good luck however things turn out .
col

 

[Deathbydemo]

Just know that we are all here for you. Whatever you decide to choose, we will still be here. Everyone deserves the right to either a peaceful life or a peaceful ending and I hope that, either way, that's what you get. I find this place so uplifting even though I'm struggling so much, some of the people here are the purest, kindest souls I know. Good luck to you whatever you choose.