Venting it happened again i feel so sick

[CuteHomunculus]

i had another horrible screaming argument with my dad and i feel like throwing up. im always so scared around my parents, specifically my dad, because the smallest misunderstandings/miscommunications can spiral into terrifying screaming matches. at times it's gotten so bad that ive ran away from home or even fainted from stress. these arguments often occur when im in the car with one of them, which was the case for today. my dad was screaming at me and hit me a few times while i begged for him to leave me alone. he still wouldn't stop one-side arguing and touching me and it caused me to scream at the top of my lungs, hoping that i could get him to actually stop. luckily i made it home and i told my mom everything, she comforted me and yelled at my dad. im happy that she was able to help me and we all were able to sort things out, but i still feel shakened up by everything.

i love my parents, but at times like these they do things that scar me mentally forever, even if it was unintentional. im just so scared that one day there's going to be an argument that results in something irreversible. today i restrained myself so hard from punching my dad's twisted expression off his face. i was angry at the moment but it still scares me that the possibility of me hurting someone could happen. i just dont want to fight like this ever again with my parents. my mom is good at correcting herself, but my dad always falls back onto his previous mistakes. i learned the numerous times i cried for help or balled my eyes out in public, no one is going to help me. it's completely understandable though, it's really uncomfortable to see someone like that. there's just some things in life that you have to deal with on your own.
still, im scared of another fight happening like this. i feel scared of myself and i just want to disappear.