it gets old.

[takuyablackbox]

it's all old now. dreaming of killing of myself, yearning to never wake up. it doesn't invoke any emotion anymore. there's no fight or flight, there's no more comfort in the idea that i might one day be able to step over the edge. there's no joy in thinking about the chance that i could get better. i don't remember what my mind was like before this. i don't remember what my normal thoughts were. and i just don't care anymore. there's no reason to. i used to pray that one day i'd go all in on one of the sides, recovery or death. but i've lingered in and between both of them for so long, and there's nothing new to it anymore, they're both a part of me. they're both what i desperately want internally. and it's all i think about. i fear the rest of my adolescence will be lived within this limbo. and

i just wished there was some ending to give it all meaning

 

[fkyou]

Same it lost its appeal but I still have to go