Hello I'm somewhat new to this forum and such but I've always kinda kept this place as a mental note for when I felt like I have legitimately tried everything.
Let me give some context to my life. At the time of writing this I'm 19 years old, a drug addict, and fired from my job with really no hope I see for my future. For a period of time during highschool I worked for the county government as an apprentice, then got hired on full time only to have my addiction struggles come back up (Main Drug of choice is Clonazepam) and then got sent away to behavioral health again to try and fix my addiction/mental health, in total I have been diagnosed with 9 different disorders but I'm sure there is probably more going on up there than most therapists, psychyatrists, or anyone close to me assumes.
The reason I really am telling you guys any of this is because it just feels as though I have fallen so far from grace. I used to run shit in the county, now I'm yet another degenerate junkie who sees no hope for the future.
Recently I thought things were getting better as I was having a good streak of days for a while there but it all just went to shit very quickly, I ended up relapsing with Percoset and now I actually just don't think I'm getting better. Even with all the help and resources I have been given its still only a 3% chance I will stay clean for the rest of my life. I don't want to continue on living like I am, I have tried to get clean so many times and it never works I always end up in the same spot. No one is gonna love me like this, the only thing that has shown me true love is the drugs but I'm so fucking sick of how much it effects me when I do not have anything to abuse.
Let me give some context to my life. At the time of writing this I'm 19 years old, a drug addict, and fired from my job with really no hope I see for my future. For a period of time during highschool I worked for the county government as an apprentice, then got hired on full time only to have my addiction struggles come back up (Main Drug of choice is Clonazepam) and then got sent away to behavioral health again to try and fix my addiction/mental health, in total I have been diagnosed with 9 different disorders but I'm sure there is probably more going on up there than most therapists, psychyatrists, or anyone close to me assumes.
The reason I really am telling you guys any of this is because it just feels as though I have fallen so far from grace. I used to run shit in the county, now I'm yet another degenerate junkie who sees no hope for the future.
Recently I thought things were getting better as I was having a good streak of days for a while there but it all just went to shit very quickly, I ended up relapsing with Percoset and now I actually just don't think I'm getting better. Even with all the help and resources I have been given its still only a 3% chance I will stay clean for the rest of my life. I don't want to continue on living like I am, I have tried to get clean so many times and it never works I always end up in the same spot. No one is gonna love me like this, the only thing that has shown me true love is the drugs but I'm so fucking sick of how much it effects me when I do not have anything to abuse.
