Venting It doesn't get better

[mofumofu]

you often see people discouraging suicidal people from acting on it because of their own personal experiences, you hear about how they were in a very dark place but they stuck through the pain and hardship and it turned around for the better and now they are very fulfilled and happy.
It's very sensational, everyone loves to hear about, everyone hopes their life will get better too if they just stick to it. But what you don't hear about, is that for many people.. it doesn't ever get better, and often it just gets worse, they keep struggling through it thick and thin, wishing for salvation, but it never comes, their entire fucking life was a pain with no salvation, they die completely alone and in pain. The best they can actually expect is for it not getting significantly worse after developing some mental toughness, and their only solace is that, well atleast they tried, no point giving up after trying as long as they did right.

I always cope by thinking that I'm special, that my life is definitely going to get better, but then I read about some 60 year old minimum wage grocery worker dying, they have no friends and no family to claim them, their dreams never came to fruition, all they get is one pity article in the paper on a slow news day with some platitudes from their acquaintances that barely cared for them. or I see some 20 year old Russian or Ukrainian lying dead and mangled on the ground, someone who was probably just as hopeful as I was for life, someone with the same dreams I had, someone who thought they were special and were destined for good things.

 

[Suicideorgy]

I know how you feel. I am 32. I have been depressed and suicidal since I was 10. What have I got to show for those years? Nothing, absolutely nothing. I hear people get better from depression, maybe I just have some shit persistent form of it but I have never gotten better. The depression has lessened some but its always in a dark corner of my mind waiting to take over, waiting for me to fall back in the pits of despair. I will never be free of it. I cant stand when people say ignorant shit like "oh yeah I was depressed for like a month". Bitch, that wasnt depression, you were just sad.

 

[Anxieyote]

Sensational is the right word. Everyone wants to believe in the redemption storyline because it makes them feel better about their own lives if they are ever in a bad spot. But it very much is like applying the principles of a Hollywood movie to an actual human life. The hero goes through an episode of darkness, but eventually triumphs against all odds.

But the truth is that some people's lives aren't going to matter as much as others, and that "redemption arc" isn't something that manifests organically. Nobody wants to acknowledge that it will never come, because then they have to ask uncomfortable questions like if there are "pointless" lives, or lives that are low enough in quality that death would be preferable to living it.

 

[niki wonoto]

I love this post, and I totally agree.

It's sad how some people (or perhaps even a LOT of people) got ignored. It's like their existence don't even matter, or as if they don't exist. Instead what we often see is just what the media (or social-media) just publicly shown, which are also often sensational stories, just like the OP mentioned above. But people often ignore the 'dark side' of reality, eg: those 'darker', & often ignored life's stories of other people. For example, how many of us here are also struggling silently, without anyone even notice/know?

 

[Ligottian]

Some people think they're going to age like wine. If you mean it turns to vinegar, you're right. If you mean it gets better with age, it don't.
-Slightly paraphrased. Marcellus Wallace, Pulp Fiction.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that if someone thinks that things will always get better, then they must be delusional. We live in such a cruel and unfair world with no limit as to how bad things can get. It's simply not realistic that in a life like this to think that things will always improve. It doesn't reflect the reality. Telling that someone that things 'will get better' might give them false hope which will just cause them more pain.

Maybe many people deny how hopeless someone's situation is as they don't want to accept the fact that things could get that bad for themselves. Life is unpredictable and uncertain after all. I wish that we lived in a world where people accepted the harsh reality of existence and saw life for what it is, and then maybe our right to die would be respected and we could all exit peacefully. Wanting suicide can be perfectly rational in a world like this, as it is a fact that things will not always get better.

 

[barelys4ne]

I worked at a groccery store for a few weeks and had met a custodian that worked at the same location for 20+ years. They were extremely polite but one glance of their soulless eyes really woke me up during a depression episode, I felt as if I saw my future through the reflection of their eyes.


For most people it will not get better if not worse. I'm happy to have experienced some fulfillment deciding not to ctb earlier but ultimately I don't think the present and future mental turmoil is worth anymore. It also kills me inside I will never get to go through my potential or dreams, makes me somewhat anxious to ctb.

 

[Ash’Girl]

The most validating thing I ever heard from a counsellor when I was in deep crisis decades ago was "I hope you get better, but I'm not going to tell you that you will, because I don't know".

They're not supposed to say things like that but he was a rather unorthodox guy. He never bullshit me. He helped me more than any others combined. At that point he probably saved my life with his brutal honesty. Ironically. At least he saw and acknowledged the truth.

Truth is, there have been moments… even months, maybe max a year once, where it did get better. But inevitably it all would end up even worse than before. And then I ask myself, were those brief respites worth it?

One I would not trade for anything. I actually ended up blissfully happy in a way I never thought possible for me and I fell into the magical Hollywood thinking - yea, this is what all the struggle was for, I finally found my happy place.

That happy place happened to be a person who for some reason loved and adored me even knowing my darkest thoughts and feelings. The feeling was mutual.

He died. The universe or life or god or fate or circumstance or whatever one believes in just doesn't deal some of us anything but shit. It taunts with hints of "better" just to snatch them away leaving us even more fucked than we were before.

I'm glad I had my moment in the sun, I suppose, even though it took several decades of shit to find it. Some people never do, so I'm grateful I did. But I've had it now so I'm not holding out for another. Not even fatalistically, just by law of averages and my experience of life to date. I'm done.

 

[Achlys]

When I had more hope several years ago, I would deliberately delude myself into believing that things would get better just so that I could continue to struggle. I see nothing wrong if someone wants to utilize such thinking as a personal coping method (like I did). However, presuming to know for certain that someone's future will improve is much too cruel, especially when such a future may very well fail to arise.

 

[Sadboyspecimen]

It really doesn't get better. I have been sickly embarrassed of my body since I was a kid. I have always had a high metabolism and I'm as skinny as a rail. Also I have a very young and innocent looking face. Well, now I'm 24 and I'm still skinny as a rail and I look like I'm 12. And people treat me like I'm 12 too. Nobody wants to be involved with me. Not romantically, not for friendship. I'm so lonely. The only way I leave the house is if I convince myself that maybe something great will happen and I'll run into those cool people who don't see me as a little kid... Today I went for a walk and got hassled by some kids that looked like they were probably in the 9th grade.... But why should I expect any different. Trust me. I have been waiting for it to "get better" for so long. So so long. When someone tells you it gets better, that's pretty much just a polite way of them saying they don't want to hear anything more about your shit life.