Venting It almost went wrong

[Aglossa]

Last night I went to visit my dear grandmother. I had not slept for around 36 hours and had just drunk two beers on an empty stomach so I was slightly fried. Anyway, she could tell I was off and kept asking me to tell her what was wrong. You are just going to get hurt, it is not a good idea, I am just tired, I said. But she insisted. I am not sure why, I think I was just a little out of my head but I told her exactly how I felt. Well it was definitely NOT A GOOD IDEA. She freaked out and blocked the door and would not let me out, calling my dad on the phone and yelling at me. I was panicking and yelling too because I could not control my emotions after she said some things that really hit me where it hurts the most, could not get out and was freaking out. Anyway, I finally managed to escape and wow I just wanted to die right there so bad. But I was too afraid to go back to my place because my parents would just find me there. So I ran away to my uni and found a bathroom stall where I cried it out and self harmed until I finally calmed down. I wanted to kill myself so much I was almost tempted at trying to cut my artery lol but I know that is one of the WORST methods ever. And I have the things I need at home for a proper CTB. If I had gone home though I would probably had used it on impulse in that moment.

Anyway, lesson learned: I should NOT tell people I hate life and just want to die, they WILL HATE ME and FREAK OUT. They are also going to hate me for killing myself but I do not care, I will be dead at that point anyway.

 

[maniac116]

It sounds to me like you are loved very much & in her own way was trying to help or intervene. Maybe she was frightened by what you said.
I'm not trying to tell you how to feel, but she is probably trying to "save you from yourself" & maybe overstepped boundaries a bit.

 

[cotton]

What did your grandma do in the end? Did you see her again?

 

[SVEN]

I'm sorry for your experience. It really does underline what a valuable safe place this resource of SS provides for venting. I hope things settle down for you with the family.

 

[Aglossa]

It sounds to me like you are loved very much & in her own way was trying to help or intervene. Maybe she was frightened by what you said.
I'm not trying to tell you how to feel, but she is probably trying to "save you from yourself" & maybe overstepped boundaries a bit.

Yes that is what it is, my grandmother is a good person and I love her very much I think she just cannot understand or comprehend and the truth hurts her too way too much... I feel so bad about telling her, it was the wrong choice.

What did your grandma do in the end? Did you see her again?

My dad came and helped her calm down, I have not seen her yet no

I'm sorry for your experience. It really does underline what a valuable safe place this resource of SS provides for venting. I hope things settle down for you with the family.

Yes thank you, I feel like I can talk about most of my feelings here and people will not judge or be angry