It all went wrong

[secret_treefrog]

I just found out that our mortgage company decided that all the documents we sent them in the hopes of doing a temporary forbearance were not considered sufficient. The foreclosure process will now most likely start. I cannot stop shaking. We needed this as my husband has been out out work since Labor Day with long-covid. We do not know when/if he will be able to return to work, or even if he will be able to work again.

I cannot live like this anymore, just waiting for the bottom to drop and everything to be gone. I also know that my husband and son will suffer if I am gone. But right now I am feeling very distraught and selfish and want the immense pain to be gone.

I do not know if I will do this by pills (which honestly probably will not work), or if I will slice my arms/wrists open (which I do not know if I even have the guts to do). It's deeply cold here where I am, I suppose I could also "get lost" in a wooded area and freeze to death as well. I feel so deeply lost and in pain. So many years I have spent in pain and have kept going forward. How much longer can I go on? Should I even go on?

I don't know what this post even is supposed to be about. Part of me wants to be saved, yet a bigger part just wants to go.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Can you not send the mortgage company more information to bolster your case? Is there an appeal process you can go through? Is there a legal aide center (low income) near your area where you can seek help? i would try Googling some keywords like 'How to stop foreclosure" or something like that and see what pops up. Maybe add your location to your search. Can your husband get on disability? What a terrible situation you're in. My heart goes out to you and your family.

All the methods you mention are "hard" methods. Pills very often fail and leave you screwed-up and damaged internally. Slicing wrists or arms is painful and has a low success rate. Hypothermia is a very painful way to die.

 

[secret_treefrog]

Thank you. They had told us before that they had all the documentation that they needed and that it was good enough, so we assumed everything was going to be ok. He just got disability approved, but it's not enough with that small amount and my income to keep our home and everything. My brain says that I can figure it all out, but my heart and soul are so dark right now.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

would hypothermia be a greater chance than SN without any method? there is about 45cm of snow and a storm where i am now. i could easily go lay in a snow drift somewhere outside, be buried.

I don't think anyone can tell you that. Anecdotally, there have been reports here on SS of people being successful with SN and no medicine regime. No one can know for sure, as this site is anonymous. I know frostbite is amongst some of the worst pain imaginable, and it will start with the extremities. Honestly, I wouldn't choose either of those methods. Will CTB make the situation different for your husband and family?

 

[FuneralCry]

Having to endure an existence that is just constant suffering and pain really can be so dreadful and tiring so your wish to leave is understandable. This life does just seem to be made up of endless problems and I do believe that existing does just get worse as time goes on so to me it's not surprising that so many decide to ctb. I personally wouldn't go for the first 2 methods that you mentioned in particular because they are known to be risky but I hope that you find the freedom that you wish for.