TheDevilsAngel
LetMeFree
- Apr 22, 2019
- 768
Does anyone else here feel they cant leave their home? For fear of been hurt and humiliated or too scared to go outside....any comments will help
You seem brave...i can relate one day it good the other the looks i try to hide my feelings and do it well from first glance you wud prob think she fine but if u look closely u can see maybe im wrong maybe i look fucked alone amd afraid and thats y people stare i duno wat up with them and how are they always so happy...i have a boyfriend and kids it makes it more hard sometimes i go out food shopping with him and i feel like everyone stares i can almost hear there thoughtsI've had on and off agoraphobia for most my life so I know what it's like. A lot of the time I have no real reason to go out anyway but it really messes with your mind being constantly indoors. I've had a lot of humiliation from strangers of all ages, probably just because my demeanor looks awkward because of the isolation and depression showing. I've had days where everyone is smiling at me acting nice with me too so it just leaves me confused since I done nothing different on those days. People can be ignorant assholes so I've got a bit better at putting up with it, just going out anyway alone as always and facing whatever I face.
Does anyone else here feel they cant leave their home? For fear of been hurt and humiliated or too scared to go outside....any comments will help
Does anyone else here feel they cant leave their home? For fear of been hurt and humiliated or too scared to go outside....any comments will help
i wish i enjoyed games enough to play 14 hours a day, cant even play 5 minutes so boring now... jealous... how old are you btw?I almost never leave home. Not going anywhere, i'am NEET. In 2018, I left the house 3 times a year. I have a very strong sociophobia. I just play video games for 13-15 hours a day, eat 1-2 times and sleep. It seems that I have a very strong dependence on video games and a computers, like on heavy drugs. I would never go out of home with pleasure all my life if it was possible. Loneliness gives me pleasure and I don't understand why someone suffers from it. But I have no money at all, I can't do anything and can't work anywhere. Sometimes I had to starve, I consider it as an option for CTB.
how old are you btw?
30.
I can't enjoy video games or anything else, I don't feel anything but they act like a drugs, as antidepressants on me, they just help to distract. I don't play for fun and pleasure - they help not to fall into the trap of painful thoughts that I can not get rid of. As a child I didn't have a computer and I didn't take any medications either, and I felt as if burning from the inside, depression, anxiety and repeated thoughts tormented me continuously, I couldn't find a place for myself. I didn't know how to contact people, didn't understand how human relationships were arranged, didn't feel empathy, was untidy and in dirty clothes, it seems like I looked like an drug addict to other people. But I also could not die and felt trapped - I was broken, as if my personality had died, I understood that I needed to be distracted from reality and my thoughts and for that I began to use video games.
This is the biggest fear of any social gathering, "hows your love life", "how are your grades?", "Are you still a horrendous failure as you were all your life or have you actually grown a spine?" They enjoy rubbing it in, even if I had the power/wealth I would never try and humiliate others less then me. But us humans are quite hypocritical sometimes so who knows?While I didn't feel anything about (literally) leaving home aka "going outside" in general, I despise any kind of social gathering especially if it came from family member. I always try my best to avoid/minimize contact with any of them.
The reason, as you mentioned, is humiliation. They have no hesitation whatsoever to criticize/insult my unfortunate circumstances regardless of how I felt about that. Egotistical? You bet. Some human beings can be pretty heartless if they possess wealth and power.
I supposed if the table were flipped, I would behave in the same egotistical way I guess. Stomping on other people for their less fortunate circumstances.