I do not know how to get up the courage.

[Justnotme]

I was waiting for a vacation from work to make up my mind and leave this world.
But I realize that I still can't muster up the courage.
I'm afraid. I'm afraid it's going to hurt, that something's going to go wrong.
I have dirty street methadone, which is made of shit, so it can no longer be called methadone.
I have a rope and sodium nitrite.
And fear.
I gave myself 14 days to decide.
And what is the result?
As a result, I will go back to meaningless work and I will return to this cycle again: home-work. Home. Work. Home. Work.
And nothing else.
Because I don't want anything. I don't want to be in this world.
But I'm just going crazy because something might go wrong and I'll suffer during the dying process.
But even now I am suffering a lot mentally!!

I'm so tired...
I just want to cry and talk about my pain.

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

survival instinct is the only reason I'm still here as well. I hope you find your peace, good luck

 

[FuneralCry]

I also just wish to not exist, I certainly understand it's so tiring suffering in this existence. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[memoriesofyesterday]

I was waiting for a vacation from work to make up my mind and leave this world.
But I realize that I still can't muster up the courage.
I'm afraid. I'm afraid it's going to hurt, that something's going to go wrong.
I have dirty street methadone, which is made of shit, so it can no longer be called methadone.
I have a rope and sodium nitrite.
And fear.
I gave myself 14 days to decide.
And what is the result?
As a result, I will go back to meaningless work and I will return to this cycle again: home-work. Home. Work. Home. Work.
And nothing else.
Because I don't want anything. I don't want to be in this world.
But I'm just going crazy because something might go wrong and I'll suffer during the dying process.
But even now I am suffering a lot mentally!!

I'm so tired...
I just want to cry and talk about my pain.

Ironic, huh...people who commit suicide are always labeled as cowards.

But they aren't.

I never realized until I got here...that suicide takes courage.

It's so scary.

Honestly for me, I think it's going be an impulsive decision and say, "fuck it".

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

I think I understand. I've postponed my date several times. All in hope that some "miracle" would happen, that something good or at least half good would happen and give me a reason to stay. All in vain. There's nothing here for me. I should have gone through with it long time ago. There has only been more suffering since.

 

[swankysoup]

I am waiting for my SN to arrive, hopefully there will be no problems. All i can do is visualize the moment and try to prepare myself mentally. Once i get it i will start thinking about setting a date i suppose. I have never set a real date before, well last year i tried but i had no good methods available. I guess you can never know if you are ready or not until the minute you are supposed to get it over with.

I wonder if doing a little workout right before would help, since it lowers the pain threshold and alleviates anxiety. Lifting heavy weights lowers the pain threshold at least.