Is your unhappiness self inflicted, or completely outside of your control?

[TimeToTalk]

Yesterday I wrote my first post here, in the 'suicide' subforum. I was feeling unable to change my behaviours and resultant moods of depression and self loathing. I wrote that we all have hope, but I feel hopeless. I was wallowing in self pity.

I didn't expect to be able to write anything positive so soon. Today I walked into town to pick up a couple of essentials, and I didn't draw any money out, nor did I call any dealers. Instead of using heroin, I took my opiate replacement medication as prescribed.

I will soon be in receipt of a small amount of inheritance - not a great deal, but enough to buy a cheap second hand car and rent a room or a flat in a new town. In reality my life is not hopeless: although I have been financially irresponsible the last year, I have spent most of it clean from drugs, and not thinking of killing myself.

I am determined to make my father proud and use this inheritance wisely. It would fund a drug habit for a couple of months, and I would end up more suicidal than ever. Instead, it will help me start a new chapter.

Recently I've been down in the dumps. I couldn't enjoy watching shows I usually like, I couldn't enjoy food, I couldn't do anything apart from sleep as much as possible. In a way, I am fortunate to be able to say that if I'm completely honest, my terrible mental lows are mostly self inflicted. My unhappiness is largely a result of my addiction and all the things that come with it. When I change my behaviour for the better, and when I give it a chance, hope reveals itself. Though I still battle with my mental health daily, if I focus on the bare essentials of diet, exercise, relationships and a tidy home, things get a lot easier.

So my question to you is this: for me, I have to accept that most but not all of my depression and anxiety is self inflicted. When I do what I know is right, I empower myself for the better. When you consider your own unhappiness, how much of it is self inflicted, and how much is out of your control?

 

[Apathy79]

This is amazing introspection. Really put a smile on my face.

God I hope it works out for you. Stay strong

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Nice that you believe things are turning around.

When you consider your own unhappiness, how much of it is self inflicted, and how much is out of your control?

I always have a tough time going through questions like this since I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer, I came up with a few nonsensical retardisms.

Level 1: I can choose to change my life situation but am not, so it's almost completely self-inflicted. Happiness is closely related to how many needs of mine are met. The past can't be changed, but the future can.

Level 2: I have certain predispositions that steer me toward unhappiness in various ways. This doesn't make it impossible for me to fight back, however. I can make the most out of the cards I was dealt, and I can choose to play them unwisely. It's mostly self-inflicted along with some bad luck in terms of previous experiences and perhaps a cracked strain of DNA or two. The past can't be changed, but the future can.

Level 3: We could replace me with another person who'd live my life in my stead and be completely at peace. It's all about how you think about the external. This is completely in my control to change, so all of my unhappiness is self-inflicted. Certain meditation masters can withstand any amount of pain and still be peaceful/happy due to genuinely not judging/disliking pain. If I'm not striving toward stoic acceptance and non-judgement of what's outside of my control it's on me. The past can't be changed, but the present/future can.

Level 4: "I" don't exist.

Level 5: Hard determinism. The past can't be changed, neither can the future.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'd say it's a mix of both for me, though maybe it's more of a cause and effect thing where outside influences made me the kind of person who continues to inflict unhappiness upon myself. For me it's like myself is sometimes a completely different person living inside me and ruining my life. Sometimes I'm that person ruining my own life because they ruined my life first. I feel like I'm trapped in a constant cycle of revenge where I can't forgive myself and even when things start to go my way my other self gains an uncontrollable urge to sabotage it for me. The cycle can't really be broken because the things we've done to each other are so unforgivable that if we were different people we would definitely both be guilty of horrible abuse towards each other. So yes, I am aware that most of my current unhappiness comes from within, but knowing doesn't get me any closer to solving in this case.

 

[watchingthewheels]

I'd have to tweak the question's premise a bit: I'm unhappy because of things that are external and out of my control. The unhappiness is a value judgement. But it's not as if I'd rather be happy about those things, as I see them as evil or wrong, so it's a just response to injustice.

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

A little bit of both.

 

[DocNo]

to some point we are only a product of our enviroment. so although many things seem to be self inflicted i guess its just a product of how we grew up and also what we got from our parents. it's a complex mix which sometimes feels we screwed up but i think it's not that simple.

this has a good side cause if you realize it then you can see that your for example self destructive behaviour has some roots where it comes from.
seen from a bad side it also can look like we are doomed to do it cause it is so deep in us. but i also think we can learn and develop. and being suicidal seems that we have to go the real hard road to have a chance to learn from it.

 

[aneurysm]

unhappiness cannot be self-inflicted. ever.

 

[Makko]

Neither for me. I keep asking myself: is there any external obstacle that I must overcome to become happier? The answer is always no. I also keep asking myself: can I apply more effort towards myself in any way to become happier? The answer is always no.

I look back to see some external thing or person in my life has damaged my chances to be happy. There's nothing. I also look back to see any choice that I could have made differently to be happier today. There's nothing.

It's a very worthy question to reflect on, and all the more frustrating when the answer puts you in a dead end.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

unhappiness cannot be self-inflicted. ever.

I beg to differ, like how for example I am bringing unhappiness to myself by potentially engaging in conflict through disagreeing...

 

[stygal]

I honestly don't know whether we can inflict unhappiness on ourselves.
Where does the notion to desire something very badly (addiction) or the need to act irrational even come from?
Is it genetic or formed by our close surroundings in our early childhood and adolescence? And do we start acting "badly" because we internalized patterns we have seen before or felt deeply hurt at some point? Or maybe it's really just a simple decision to "screw everything up" right in that moment.

For me - the older I get - the more I understand the way my traumatic experiences of the past have shaped me - resulting in self-sabotage and suffering...even when I thought I was in "full control" I still was subconsciously driven by the need to act accordingly to learned behaviors.

 

[Sherri]

Hope it's gets better for you, I feel like a bite of both, suicidal thoughts are the hardest to deal with, big hugs, beautiful words.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

You sound like a very intelligent and driven person and it looks like you're doing great things to improve your life. I really hope it all works out for you.

As for your question...I wouldn't say that my unhappiness is completely out of my control, but I think for the most part it is. I tried "doing the right things" and "changing my behaviour for the better" and it didn't make me any less unhappy - if anything, it just made me feel more tired.

 

[262653]

So my question to you is this: for me, I have to accept that most but not all of my depression and anxiety is self inflicted. When I do what I know is right, I empower myself for the better. When you consider your own unhappiness, how much of it is self inflicted, and how much is out of your control?

As much as my habits and my self-awareness allow. I feel brainfoggy now. I did strength exercises and showered during the same day. Could be exhausion, or mold spore poisoning from the prolonged stay in the shower room.

I can write down observations and try different things and see how it affects me.

Yesterday I was keeping my raw veggies to processed foods (cooked meat) intake in 1:1 ratio. Didn't feel brainfoggy at all. Could be a coincidence, but I'll keep observing. Sometimes I feel like I can move mountains and right now I feel like I'm on a fast-driving carousel and I can't focus on the environment. Is it in my control? What can I do right now? It's all tricky. I can write down what to do and follow steps, and form habits, but that's all I can think of right now.

 

[Josh007]

Wow, suddenly idk. LoL

 

[raindrops]

i hope you get the car and find a room/flat to rent, glad to hear!
im full of regret, finding it hard to forgive myself for a lot of things
for me it is self inflicted unhappiness, although i am much happier than i thought i could be a year ago.

 

[Antigonish]

Half and half. Mostly it's me. But I cant control I do it to myself.

 

[Callie Arcale]

It is self-inflicted as it is a direct result of years of bad decisions for which I alone am responsible for.

But it is also inflicted upon me by my faulty genetic make-up and my environment which have caused my health issues.

 

[Luchs]

All of it is self-inflicted. I have no excuse to suck so much and be so miserable. I could have anything I want, but instead I wallow in self-pity, while my lack of motivation stops me from doing anything.

 

[Antigonish]

Yesterday I wrote my first post here, in the 'suicide' subforum. I was feeling unable to change my behaviours and resultant moods of depression and self loathing. I wrote that we all have hope, but I feel hopeless. I was wallowing in self pity.

I didn't expect to be able to write anything positive so soon. Today I walked into town to pick up a couple of essentials, and I didn't draw any money out, nor did I call any dealers. Instead of using heroin, I took my opiate replacement medication as prescribed.

I will soon be in receipt of a small amount of inheritance - not a great deal, but enough to buy a cheap second hand car and rent a room or a flat in a new town. In reality my life is not hopeless: although I have been financially irresponsible the last year, I have spent most of it clean from drugs, and not thinking of killing myself.

I am determined to make my father proud and use this inheritance wisely. It would fund a drug habit for a couple of months, and I would end up more suicidal than ever. Instead, it will help me start a new chapter.

Recently I've been down in the dumps. I couldn't enjoy watching shows I usually like, I couldn't enjoy food, I couldn't do anything apart from sleep as much as possible. In a way, I am fortunate to be able to say that if I'm completely honest, my terrible mental lows are mostly self inflicted. My unhappiness is largely a result of my addiction and all the things that come with it. When I change my behaviour for the better, and when I give it a chance, hope reveals itself. Though I still battle with my mental health daily, if I focus on the bare essentials of diet, exercise, relationships and a tidy home, things get a lot easier.

So my question to you is this: for me, I have to accept that most but not all of my depression and anxiety is self inflicted. When I do what I know is right, I empower myself for the better. When you consider your own unhappiness, how much of it is self inflicted, and how much is out of your control?

Hope you're okay. Was wondering how things have been going for you.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

I feel the majority of my unhappiness is due to factors outside of my control, like being broke and mentally ill.

It's easy to blame yourself when the real source of your problems is a situation or state of being. Most of the things that cause unhappiness are so depressing because they tend to be abstract and make us feel helpless. Once I stopped trying to find ways to blame myself for all the ways my life went wrong, I starte to feel like I was progressing more towards recovery. We're all doing the best we can with what we've got.

 

[Sensei]

If I hadn't developed bipolar disorder, I could probably have lived something resembling a normal life. As for now, it's difficult to say, as bipolar traits and personality traits often intertwine.

 

[Mr2005]

It was self inflicted, now it's out of my control