Help is voluntary commitment a good idea?

[thisIsNotEnough]

I'm already in therapy and on medication and I have as much of a support system as I can hope for given how my life has been. But even with all that, I still feel suicidal. At this point, the only thing that I haven't tried is going to a psych ward.

I know a lot of people on here are of the opinion that one should exhaust all alternative options before deciding to ctb, and I agree. But I'm hesitant to go to a psych ward as a trans woman and as someone with trauma relating to not having freedom to escape a situation I was being hurt in.

At the same time, though, I think of it like this:
if it helps me overcome my suicidal thoughts, then it's worth going
if it traumatizes me even more, then I'll have an easier time ending my life
it's a win-win, right?

I live in the US btw

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I live in the US btw

Just with that information the answer would be a big fat no if you can help it. You don't need a giant medical bill at the end.

Psychiatric hospitals are not places of healing. They are only for crisis management and stabilization (purportedly anyways). In terms of voluntarily admitting yourself for suicidality, they're only for if you absolutely don't truly wish to die but you don't trust yourself to refrain from acting on those urges. If you want to explore alternative treatment options you can explore those in an outpatient setting. You can do that in the recovery section here.

If you want you can share some more what has you feeling so intractably suicidal.

Traumatizing yourself further in the hopes of making suicide easier is not sound. There is no guarantee that it will be tangibly easier and then you've gone and added some more to your trauma and if you're trans your trauma bucket is probably pretty full already.

You will definitely feel the lack of autonomy and agency. Voluntarily doesn't actually mean you decide when to leave.

Sometimes eliminating suicidal thoughts entirely isn't reasonable for some of us. We have to learn and figure out how to adapt to them and work around them. What is it about death that appeals to you? How can you find that in life?

 

[monetpompo]

Just with that information the answer would be a big fat no if you can help it. You don't need a giant medical bill at the end.

Psychiatric hospitals are not places of healing. They are only for crisis management and stabilization (purportedly anyways). In terms of voluntarily admitting yourself for suicidality, they're only for if you absolutely don't truly wish to die but you don't trust yourself to refrain from acting on those urges. If you want to explore alternative treatment options you can explore those in an outpatient setting. You can do that in the recovery section here.

hard agree. a huuuge medical bill would just make me want to die. i remember feeling guilty every day i was sent there involuntarily even though it was 3 days. i pretty much got plucked out of my house in the middle of the night because i was drowsily trying to convince the cops i wasn't being serious and that my friend was overreacting. i kept my story straight, so they let me go because of my good behavior and lying. no recovery happened after the psych ward. it's a very mentally distressing place to be, especially in the US. i know what it's like to struggle with really strong urges daily but i force myself to not act on them (easier said than done) because i don't want to go to the hospital and then go to the ward, doubling the costs.

hang in there @thisIsNotEnough. a psych ward is effectively a lose-lose situation and i am extremely jealous of europeans who don't have to pay a shit ton. please find comfort in your support system, on sasu, and in your passions.

 

[DeadManLiving]

hard agree. a huuuge medical bill would just make me want to die. i remember feeling guilty every day i was sent there involuntarily even though it was 3 days. i pretty much got plucked out of my house in the middle of the night because i was drowsily trying to convince the cops i wasn't being serious and that my friend was overreacting. i kept my story straight, so they let me go because of my good behavior and lying. no recovery happened after the psych ward. it's a very mentally distressing place to be, especially in the US. i know what it's like to struggle with really strong urges daily but i force myself to not act on them (easier said than done) because i don't want to go to the hospital and then go to the ward, doubling the costs.

hang in there @thisIsNotEnough. a psych ward is effectively a lose-lose situation and i am extremely jealous of europeans who don't have to pay a shit ton. please find comfort in your support system, on sasu, and in your passions.

What State were you committed in if you don't mind sharing?

Were you explicitly offered voluntary care?

 

[Pale_Rider]

I've always been told that a hospital is the absolute last option. It only geta worse after that, but who knows?

 

[LastNite]

Psych wards wont make you kill yourself after youre out...inside youll just feel worse. The whole point of a psych ward is to contain someone who is a risk to others and themselves. Basically prison just for all sorts of issues.

 

[martyrdom]

It can be helpful for some people depending on where you go. What it sounds like you need is a long-term treatment program, so maybe a higher-end, private hospital or an outpatient program instead. If you have a lot of stressors in your life, it may help as an escape from them and from responsibilities in general until you're back on your feet. But I agree with a lot of the posters above in many ways.

 

[monetpompo]

What State were you committed in if you don't mind sharing?

Were you explicitly offered voluntary care?

texas. i've gone to a psych hospital once in high school and another time this year. the first time was voluntary but the experience was the same. i was in the emergency ward of a ER hospital insteas of a real hospital. an actual psychiatric hospital has more things to do while the emergency ward is more like a holding cell while you wait for a bed to open up or for you to be accepted in a hospital somewhere.

The whole point of a psych ward is to contain someone who is a risk to others and themselves. Basically prison just for all sorts of issues.

what i hate the most is being so drugged up immediately after being admitted that i feel sleepy, don't want to eat or move, and have very little i can do with my free time. a 3 day hold is usually the legal minimum for a voluntary and involuntary stay in the hospital. you can also ask to stay longer in the hospital, but it would make your bill significantly more expensive. texas insurance is very bad, so it doesn't cover much. though i think every state in the US has expensive mental hospitals.

the treatment you get in a psych hospital is also a toss up. european hospitals are more respectful, but US hospitals on the lower end can be understaffed and have nurses that see you as a child they need to babysit instead of a real person. i think that anyone is better off being depressed at home than paying to be forefed pills and wear oversized hospital clothes.

 

[LastNite]

what i hate the most is being so drugged up immediately after being admitted that i feel sleepy, don't want to eat or move, and have very little i can do with my free time. a 3 day hold is usually the legal minimum for a voluntary and involuntary stay in the hospital. you can also ask to stay longer in the hospital, but it would make your bill significantly more expensive. texas insurance is very bad, so it doesn't cover much. though i think every state in the US has expensive mental hospitals.

the treatment you get in a psych hospital is also a toss up. european hospitals are more respectful, but US hospitals on the lower end can be understaffed and have nurses that see you as a child they need to babysit instead of a real person. i think that anyone is better off being depressed at home than paying to be forefed pills and wear oversized hospital clothes.

For my time I was in there I was only getting my antidepressant pill and thats it. Some kids around me when I was a minor weren't quiet so they'd always give them shots to stop them from trying to get out. I stayed for 2 weeks wasnt my decision to be put in but NY laws force you so yeh.

And I agree with that part about staff treatment. I noticed that a lot. Nobody is in the mood to care. Psychiatrists also barely give a shit about what you say. To them everyone is crazy.

 

[thisIsNotEnough]

Just with that information the answer would be a big fat no if you can help it. You don't need a giant medical bill at the end.

Psychiatric hospitals are not places of healing. They are only for crisis management and stabilization (purportedly anyways). In terms of voluntarily admitting yourself for suicidality, they're only for if you absolutely don't truly wish to die but you don't trust yourself to refrain from acting on those urges. If you want to explore alternative treatment options you can explore those in an outpatient setting. You can do that in the recovery section here.

If you want you can share some more what has you feeling so intractably suicidal.

Traumatizing yourself further in the hopes of making suicide easier is not sound. There is no guarantee that it will be tangibly easier and then you've gone and added some more to your trauma and if you're trans your trauma bucket is probably pretty full already.

You will definitely feel the lack of autonomy and agency. Voluntarily doesn't actually mean you decide when to leave.

Sometimes eliminating suicidal thoughts entirely isn't reasonable for some of us. We have to learn and figure out how to adapt to them and work around them. What is it about death that appeals to you? How can you find that in life?

Oops, forgot to mention I'm on Medicaid so it wouldn't cost me anything.

As far as what's making me feel suicidal, I made a post with my whole story, but the big thing is that all of my closest family members have rejected me for my identity.

I don't have any way to hurt myself other than a tool to cut with, so I don't feel I'm at risk for impulsively attempting. It's more so that I can't function with my current mental state. All I think about is harming myself and all the trauma I've been through. Maybe I just need a break from my responsibilities to be able to quiet these thoughts and see a path forward, I don't know.

Yeah I know giving myself even more trauma would probably just make things worse. Like you said, I already have way more than my fair share of it.

I'm aware that it's very much a situation that I go in voluntarily, but I don't get out voluntarily. I really don't want to be in a position where I'm stuck there against my will. Then again, I could always lie and say I'm doing better if I really needed to.

The main appeal of death to me is that the things causing me mental and physical suffering aren't things I can do anything about, and I can't bear it. I don't want to hurt any more. I don't think I can find even a lessening of pain sufficient enough to make my life worth living. It's really hard to feel better when you are feeling bad because of your circumstances, y'know?

I really appreciate your thoughtful response <3

 

[DeadManLiving]

texas. i've gone to a psych hospital once in high school and another time this year. the first time was voluntary but the experience was the same. i was in the emergency ward of a ER hospital insteas of a real hospital. an actual psychiatric hospital has more things to do while the emergency ward is more like a holding cell while you wait for a bed to open up or for you to be accepted in a hospital somewhere.


what i hate the most is being so drugged up immediately after being admitted that i feel sleepy, don't want to eat or move, and have very little i can do with my free time. a 3 day hold is usually the legal minimum for a voluntary and involuntary stay in the hospital. you can also ask to stay longer in the hospital, but it would make your bill significantly more expensive. texas insurance is very bad, so it doesn't cover much. though i think every state in the US has expensive mental hospitals.

the treatment you get in a psych hospital is also a toss up. european hospitals are more respectful, but US hospitals on the lower end can be understaffed and have nurses that see you as a child they need to babysit instead of a real person. i think that anyone is better off being depressed at home than paying to be forefed pills and wear oversized hospital clothes.

I see.

Wait ... You received a medical bill for the involuntary portion of the hold at the facility?

You mentioned that you were extracted from your place of residence at midnight contending with the authorities. Did you ever admit to having a plan or method that you would act on in the presence of any officers or mental health screeners at the time?

Were you provided any forms to sign?

It sounds like you may have been wrongfully committed. Depending on the facts you may be entitled to compensation. I'm not a lawyer, but if it was Texas then if the commitment criterion were not strictly followed and it was for the purposes of commercial institutionalization with creative psych Dx upcoding you may have a claim.

 

[monetpompo]

Wait ... You received a medical bill for the involuntary portion of the hold at the facility?

You mentioned that you were extracted from your place of residence at midnight contending with the authorities. Did you ever admit to having a plan or method that you would act on in the presence of any officers or mental health screeners at the time?

my friend called the local cops and told them he was worried i was going to kill myself because i was texting him about doing it tomorrow, but i didn't give him details because i figured that he'd report me. he still reported me anyways. legally, the cops can do that. it's water under the bridge by now since it was months ago. i still haven't paid it, lol. i just pulled up it up on my phone. i kept giving the nurses and the cops the story that i wasn't being serious about talking about suicide so that they'd let me off easier.

i talked to a lawyer on my second day in who was telling me about my situation and how my involuntary stay was being discussed in court. i only cared about how much it would cost and she had no answer for me. the lawyer was free.

Oops, forgot to mention I'm on Medicaid so it wouldn't cost me anything.

for real? that's awesome. it evens things out a little more because hospitals are so expensive in the US. it seems like you understand that a psych ward is involuntary even if you go there voluntarily, which is good. i just don't think it's worth potentially having more trauma. sasu is probably skewed because it's so easy to have a bad experience in the psych ward. but the change of scenery (even if it's just hospital rooms) does feel kind of calming. i hope you find a way to feel calm without needing to go there.

 

[DeadManLiving]

my friend called the local cops and told them he was worried i was going to kill myself because i was texting him about doing it tomorrow, but i didn't give him details because i figured that he'd report me. he still reported me anyways. legally, the cops can do that. it's water under the bridge by now since it was months ago. i still haven't paid it, lol. i just pulled up it up on my phone. i kept giving the nurses and the cops the story that i wasn't being serious about talking about suicide so that they'd let me off easier.

i talked to a lawyer on my second day in who was telling me about my situation and how my involuntary stay was being discussed in court. i only cared about how much it would cost and she had no answer for me. the lawyer was free.


for real? that's awesome. it evens things out a little more because hospitals are so expensive in the US. it seems like you understand that a psych ward is involuntary even if you go there voluntarily, which is good. i just don't think it's worth potentially having more trauma. sasu is probably skewed because it's so easy to have a bad experience in the psych ward. but the change of scenery (even if it's just hospital rooms) does feel kind of calming. i hope you find a way to feel calm without needing to go there.

Did you have an opportunity to review your medical records?

No person shall be incarcerated against their will for making certain statements, so as long as those statements don't involve others. Forget two days, I wouldn't want to spend two seconds locked up in a traumatizing environment by force or coercion without due cause or having provided duly informed consent.

It's like having one's freedom raped ... and then, after rolling over, also having to pay the rapist. Even if it didn't feel like it this time, it sets a very dangerous precedent with complex unforeseeable, unexpected and prohibitive consequences both immediate and in the future that you may have to contend with if you make it out of this. Like a consensual rape in a sense. If you value your freedom.

Not saying it was like this in this particular case, but ... I don't know how much you value your freedom and future autonomy. People tend to substantially undervalue their freedom and liberty. Like they say: you don't know what you have, until it's taken from you.