Discussion Is this way of thinking weak for me?

[PublicDiary0606]

Hey guys,
A quick introduction about myself, I have been battling depression since I was teenager. There are times where its gradual and I am able to stay strong, and times where I'm just miserable and all I could think about is hurting myself or CTB. However, with the support of my family, friends and my girlfriend, I'm able to actually live. Though, I start to believe that I can never be cured because of how long I've been this way, I'd like to think that I would want to continue living so that I could watch the people I love grow and progress. I want to be part of their lives as they grow and try my best to not bother them as much whenever I need support. Anyways, I've been thinking lately, what if they are gone from my life?

Long story short, I'm in a stable and long term relationship right now. Me and my girlfriend both support each other to the best of our abilities. Other than my family members which I hardly open up to, my girlfriend has been a big support system for me. She has been through my worse, and she is really patient. I don't like to think that I could not live alone, but whenever I would imagine a life without her, I would want to CTB. At the same time, Im afraid that I put my weight on her too much since I'll always get depressed again. Im aware that shes human and she has the right to leave me if my burden is too much for her, but without her, I'd say 90% of the support I need is gone. I really love her and I do wish some day we could settle in the future. But I wouldn't want to live if it isn't her. Noone could replace xthe care and patience she had for me.

So, looking at this, I'm just scared that depending on her as "my will to live" is too simp-like or weak… what do you guys think?

 

[whatevs]

You have found a succesful, albeit fragile (but life is always fragile!) way to exist, why frame it as something negative? Surely it's not ideal to depend on someone else for emotional sustenance but it beats having no one. Most people are like this, you're just manifesting this part of the human make up more than others. There's a reason why solitary confinement is an effective and uncomplicated form of torture.

 

[boxtobs]

Honestly, there's nothing wrong with finding support with another person (frankly, the idea of recovery or just stability as an individual without a support system is a rather unrealistic and shitty thing to expect anyone to feasibly achieve), and it's impressive you've found a way to exist and found a want to be a continued part of people's lives.
Though as a quick aside, I would be sure you two have strong & clear boundaries for if things did ever become too much to handle on either end so that you can both safely remain a part of each other's lives of course. Double check there's no chance for toxic codependency down the line, but seriously. Finding a way to exist even if it's in tandem with someone isn't weakness. Neither is putting yourself out there enough to love, especially when you're not doing well or weren't before.
( And frankly if anyone looks down on you for it, says more about their fragility than anything about you. Nothing wrong with trying to be happy, and good for you man)

 

[flesh object]

I understand that you feel miserable at times. I'm sorry that you've been through a lot.

Your support plan is what works for you, it shouldn't be about if its too "simp-like" because it works for you. You having the courage to talk about how you are feeling and your issues shows that you are strong, I truly believe that you are strong.

I have been reliant on other people aswell, The interactions we have with people is what tells us that we are truly alive.

Long story short, I'm in a stable and long term relationship right now. Me and my girlfriend both support each other to the best of our abilities. Other than my family members which I hardly open up to, my girlfriend has been a big support system for me. She has been through my worse, and she is really patient.

You mention that you are in a relationship, and that's good, you both support each other and that means that you too work out and help each other. I relate on a personal level with the whole situation with your family members, I've had a really bad time talking with my family, and even medical professionals agreed that they just don't understand me.

I'm glad you have someone to talk to, and you both are supporting each other.

Your issues and support plan is not a competition, everyone is different
What works for you, works for you, there's nothing bad about it.

 

[ShadoWxShinigamI]

Hey, glad you found something that works! Here's my way of thinking about such a situation,
An ideal relationship is a 2 way street... So there is nothing wrong with being reliant on your partner to fill in the gaps. But my pessimistic mind also always expects the worst (hope for the best, prepare for the worst); make use of the support system to build up to a point where you go from being 90% dependant for emotional support to something more manageable in the long run. But again, every person is unique and they have their own circumstances. I'm just glad you have something that is working for you currently, and wish you the best for the future.