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Anxieyote
Sobriety over everything else • 30 • Midwest
- Mar 24, 2021
- 442
Every night, I drink heavily and go on forums to do NSFW chats with people. I make sure they aren't minors before I begin, but I do go "fishing" for the people I like. I talk to them exclusively at night when I am inebriated because I find it much easier in my alcohol- induced state.
Several of them have expressed frustration and ghosted me for only being available at night. I never talk to them during the day because my social anxiety gets the best of me.
I fear that I am "using" people. I know NSFW chats are a thing, and lots of people do it, but the people I'm talking to are getting their feelings hurt. I'm really affectionate at night; and at night only. Sometimes when they find out how heavily I drink, I get ghosted. They can tell that I don't remember small details they've shared because my memory is affected by the alcohol.
I don't like to think of myself as a bad person, but is this something a bad person does? I am having trouble evaluating whether or not I am in the wrong. If it is a mutual decision to NSFW chat when I am inebriated, am I doing anything wrong? I do want affection badly, but I am having feelings of shame remembering all the people who have expressed discomfort and confusion at my sporadic contact and drinking issues (some correlate drunk conversations with dishonesty and inauthenticity).
Several of them have expressed frustration and ghosted me for only being available at night. I never talk to them during the day because my social anxiety gets the best of me.
I fear that I am "using" people. I know NSFW chats are a thing, and lots of people do it, but the people I'm talking to are getting their feelings hurt. I'm really affectionate at night; and at night only. Sometimes when they find out how heavily I drink, I get ghosted. They can tell that I don't remember small details they've shared because my memory is affected by the alcohol.
I don't like to think of myself as a bad person, but is this something a bad person does? I am having trouble evaluating whether or not I am in the wrong. If it is a mutual decision to NSFW chat when I am inebriated, am I doing anything wrong? I do want affection badly, but I am having feelings of shame remembering all the people who have expressed discomfort and confusion at my sporadic contact and drinking issues (some correlate drunk conversations with dishonesty and inauthenticity).