doefauna
Member
- Aug 5, 2023
- 5
Often times I feel like despite my sadness, I could possibly find a pathway to enjoying life using money. I'd do a lot of wishful thinking on if I had x amount right now I could make myself happier even if it's just on the surface. I found myself thinking that even with all the money in the world I would still feel this sense of doom, like nothing would get better and that at my core I would still see myself as all the negative things that currently exist. I have frequent thought of dying, thinking it would be better if I did not have life as recovery would be too difficult and ultimately unsuccessful. I wish I was my ideal self, but I don't know how to get there, and so I consider that it may be better to not be myself at all, not exist at all.