I'm sorry you're feeling this way brother and it has led you to considering this.
I'm not sure this is a sensible idea, some of the posts here have indicated that even a small dose of SN can lead to accidental death or some kind of hospitalisation, ironically this may do more harm than good.
Since you work for your poppa have you spoken to him about how you feel, in the way an employee would speak to an employer?
Good luck brother
DBD