Venting is there really no way to go?

[ariadna]

I'm new here. I was looking for answers all night, but it seems like we're all in the same boat in struggling with methods. I guess all I can do at this point is vent.

I'm a college dropout somehow working as an English teacher. My country has such a bad shortage that a private school had to take a chance and hire me. I love working for the kids, but I've now confirmed that my country is set up in such a way that I can never live on my own unless I marry a man, and I'm a queer woman. I can only hope to have the bare minimum and hop from one exploitative job to the next.

I've had three episodes of cannabis induced psychosis, I suffer from severe limerence (obsessive infatuation) for an older woman I met years ago, and my bipolar disorder has affected my studies/work to a point where I can't even fathom trying to complete anything again. I've wanted out for years. I just can't find any decent way to do it, plus it scares me to know that I'd be leaving my little sister (10) with that trauma for life.

I had a delusion once that I had "broken the simulation" by my indecision alone and cornered myself. Really, something had kept me from starting my car while I was in psychosis, but the idea has been creeping back that I really am stuck and not even a real person. This can't be real. No sane higher power would create such horrible lives for us and then offer no painless way out.

Open to suggestions if anyone has decided on the actual "best" method out there, if that's allowed. Thank you for reading.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

Best method is N based on all evidence available to me in particular that I've read

Seems SN is effective but may not play well with someone that has GI issues

 

[mandyjohnuk]

One sure way is to lock yourself in an airtight container. Expel the air the best you can. Obtain 2 cylinders of Nitrogen together with appropriate regulators and open the valves. You'll be gone in no time.

 

[FuneralCry]

This life really is so horrible and I know that it can be unbearable when you are suffering so much. It sounds so awful what you are going through, I'm sorry that you are in this situation. Suicide really is so difficult after all, as we live in a world where our right to die is not respected. I think that if it was easier to leave I would already be gone. We all deserve the option of a peaceful exit at a time of our own choosing. I wish you the best in whatever happens.