Is there anyone who is caught between ctb, or just disappearing from everything and everyone?

[Shadows From Hell]

I'm at a crossroad between catching the bus, and just disappearing in the woods or something like that. I'm not afraid to die, I'm just trying to figure out what I want to do.

Death would be the best thing to ever happen to me, but every time I get plans rolling to ctb, something somewhere happens and I have to put it off.

Then I'll sit and think about disappearing somewhere, and when death comes, it comes. But I haven't decided where I want to disappear to... The woods, another city and/or state, or a different country.

Sigh..... Decisions decisions.

 

[Jarring]

Disappearing does sound appealing, even to me, but I also do feel the fact that if anything goes wrong/you are found/ you come back, you will have too many eyes on you/worried about you. Just stressful. The process of disappearing itself is hard if you have anyone remotely interested in looking for you

 

[Shadows From Hell]

Disappearing does sound appealing, even to me, but I also do feel the fact that if anything goes wrong/you are found/ you come back, you will have too many eyes on you/worried about you. Just stressful. The process of disappearing itself is hard if you have anyone remotely interested in looking for you

Yeah, I've considered that possibility of people searching, or something going wrong. Going through heavy depression makes my mind overthink itself.

 

[Redacted24]

For me it's a bit of both. First is to gradually lose ties/ connections with anyone that might care then disappear into the wilderness and arrange for not returning.
People that knew me wouldn't look if I was missing because of time and space... in effect I had already disappeared from their lives and consciousness. They'd just assume I had moved and was living somewhere else.

 

[Shadows From Hell]

For me it's a bit of both. First is to gradually lose ties/ connections with anyone that might care then disappear into the wilderness and arrange for not returning.
People that knew me wouldn't look if I was missing because of time and space... in effect I had already disappeared from their lives and consciousness. They'd just assume I had moved and was living somewhere else.

I've already cut ties with a majority of people. There are very few people left to distance myself from. I think once I do that, it will be so much easier.

 

[fleetingnight]

Yes, you kinda hit the nail on the head. I despise being alive, but I wonder if I could bear it if I could hide away inside and never have to talk to people or worry about relationships with them again. I wonder which one's easier to do. Or if the disappearing would even make me feel a little better after all.

But, oddly, I know I would still be active/social online. Probably even more, if it was my only place to socialize. I guess that says a lot about me, and none of it's good, lol.

 

[Forever Sleep]

A new start might be worth a shot. You wouldn't have to just disappear and scare the shit out of everyone though. You could just tell them that you feel like you need some space- a new beginning some place else. I've started again a few times in life. Not to the extent of cutting people off though. But yeah, sometimes a new environment, new challenges can be motivating. It's just best to try and keep that going though. Use the new environment to work on the stuff that held you back. I simply carried all my problems with me and let them upset me in a new location! Try not to do that!

 

[Higurashi415]

I agree, I'd suggest trying to cut some ties first. I don't know how old you are, but sometimes we get stuck in relationship (not in the romantic sense necessarily) from childhool/younger years in general, and this can end up hurting us.
Like Forever Sleep said, don't do it abruptly, as that hardly ever ends well. People will get worried and guilt could eat you up.