ember_
New Member
- Jan 16, 2026
- 4
is there any coming back from this? im genuienly just a pest and a burden...
ive been on every antidepressant/antipsychotic/ available in my region
fluoxetine, sertraline, paroxetine, duloxetine, quetiapine, risperidone, clozapine, diazepam, lorazepam, alprazolam
since i was roughly 6 years old, these are the ones that i remember, i was raised in romania but moved to belgium and now to poland and i just know that most were illegally prescribed since i couldnt find a chuld psychiatrist in rural romania.
had 12+ CTB attempts in childhood and teenage years but had no clue in how to do it (lots of pill ODs, cutting, hanging) was institutionalized countless times and my life is all a blur just remembering cruel bullying from peers and insane abuse from parents, broken bones, bruising, blood everywhere. i was in therapy for years but it didnt work, was forced on TMS and electric shocks but no results either...
last ctb attempt left me severely disabled (seizures, tics, brain damage, TBI)
i genuienly just want to rest.
i thought it would get better, found a partner, finally transitioning after having to repress until 18, moving out from my abusive parents...
but im back in my depressive pit and i think only ctb will save me, i cant see a future for myself, i kerp reaching for a glimmer of hope but im always struck down by a seizure, being bed bound due to POTS, joint pain. i cant land a job of even finish my high school, i dropped out because i was too depressed and thinking i will ctb anyways...
it's so schizo that i try to stay positive after all of this but i dont want to leave my girlfriend behind i think she will kill herself too if she finds me... i just want a break from all of this forever.
ive been on every antidepressant/antipsychotic/ available in my region
fluoxetine, sertraline, paroxetine, duloxetine, quetiapine, risperidone, clozapine, diazepam, lorazepam, alprazolam
since i was roughly 6 years old, these are the ones that i remember, i was raised in romania but moved to belgium and now to poland and i just know that most were illegally prescribed since i couldnt find a chuld psychiatrist in rural romania.
had 12+ CTB attempts in childhood and teenage years but had no clue in how to do it (lots of pill ODs, cutting, hanging) was institutionalized countless times and my life is all a blur just remembering cruel bullying from peers and insane abuse from parents, broken bones, bruising, blood everywhere. i was in therapy for years but it didnt work, was forced on TMS and electric shocks but no results either...
last ctb attempt left me severely disabled (seizures, tics, brain damage, TBI)
i genuienly just want to rest.
i thought it would get better, found a partner, finally transitioning after having to repress until 18, moving out from my abusive parents...
but im back in my depressive pit and i think only ctb will save me, i cant see a future for myself, i kerp reaching for a glimmer of hope but im always struck down by a seizure, being bed bound due to POTS, joint pain. i cant land a job of even finish my high school, i dropped out because i was too depressed and thinking i will ctb anyways...
it's so schizo that i try to stay positive after all of this but i dont want to leave my girlfriend behind i think she will kill herself too if she finds me... i just want a break from all of this forever.
