Venting Is My Reason Justified?

[johnwatterson]

I'm a 18yo M and have been having suicidal thoughts since I was around 14yo. However I quite literally have a perfect life by my standards. I'm above average intelligence and have been all my life. I never needed to try in school and had around a 50 percent attendance but still managed to get 6s and 7s in my GCSEs and in college breezed through my computing course with a 30 percent attendance. Not to be egotistical but I feel like I am quite attractive and have a body count of 4 (basically I'm not a lonely degen loser that gets no pussy) I have way more money than someone else who is 18 would have and I bench around 75kg for all that matters. I have a stable and supportive family that loves and cares for me and I live in a nice safe area. My point is I feel like there is no reason to feel the way I do but yet the only thing I want is to CTB. Its all I want as I am incredibly unhappy and find no interest in anything. I've tried everything I can think of. whether it be the gym, work, games, bitches, money, skating, friends or drugs. either way I feel like I have done everything in my power to try and find something that makes me happy but I just cant, the only thing that I like is sleeping as I don't have to be conscious and a I can just be at peace. I don't feel any guilt for what I would be putting my family, loved ones, friends and girlfriend through with my death (i wont be here to see it lmfao) and I find incredible amounts of comfort in the thought of my death and eternal rest. Is this a bad thing or does anyone think otherwise. No one will be able to change my mind as I have thought about it a lot but I am very curious to see the actual opinions of people on here from people that aren't obligated to tell me "no you have so much to live for" or some bullshit like that. either way, any opinions would mean a lot. Thanks.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also find so much comfort in the thought of eternally not existing, I see wishing to cease existing as always being a valid way to feel, in my case I don't understand how anyone could ever wish to delay their inevitable fate in the first place, to me existing is very tiresome and meaningless.

And I also don't get the view that suicide supposedly even needs a reason as it isn't like existence is something that is objectively beneficial and valuable to justify that view, in fact to me it's the exact opposite, I could never see a point to existing.
Death will happen anyway whether there is a reason behind it or not, death is the most normal thing and none of us are obligated to continue existing until we die anyway, it's always up to the individual when to leave, it's not something for other people to decide.

 

[Kasumi]

@lwlaiet8887 sure they might be "your typical "depressed" teenager", but what does it matter whether or not they are?
Many people will experience bad times in their lifetime, and most of them will be able to get through that on their own and forget about it afterwards.
And some wont.

Why wait to offer help until they're doing even worse and lose their support, when you can prevent it from getting that bad in the first place?

 

[lwlaiet8887]

@lwlaiet8887 sure they might be "your typical "depressed" teenager", but what does it matter whether or not they are?
Many people will experience bad times in their lifetime, and most of them will be able to get through that on their own and forget about it afterwards.
And some wont.

Why wait to offer help until they're doing even worse and lose their support, when you can prevent it from getting that bad in the first place?

I did offer support if you actually read my post. I can just tell by the way they post that they're very immature and have a lot to live for, more then likely they're going through a stint of depression that they will eventually overcome. They said they wanted honest opinions which I gave them, see a doctor, get you bloodworks done which is VERY important, do physical exercise, learn to appreciate what you have in life, and don't stupidly romanticize death like the cultists on here do. CBT is not an easy thing to do and it's not peaceful, it's not "sleep" etc, it's nothing. If you're truly suffering and don't see a means to an end then CBT is a very understandable option in my eyes. The fact that OP asked, seems very young and immature mentality, has a lot to live for, seems like he's suffering from depression more than desperation to CBT is why I'm so critical.

 

[Kasumi]

I did offer support if you actually read my post. I can just tell by the way they post that they're very immature and have a lot to live for, more then likely they're going through a stint of depression that they will eventually overcome. They said they wanted honest opinions which I gave them, see a doctor, get you bloodworks done which is VERY important, do physical exercise, learn to appreciate what you have in life, and don't stupidly romanticize death like the cultists on here do. CBT is not an easy thing to do and it's not peaceful, it's not "sleep" etc, it's nothing. If you're truly suffering and don't see a means to an end then CBT is a very understandable option in my eyes. The fact that OP asked, seems very young and immature mentality, has a lot to live for, seems like he's suffering from depression more than desperation to CBT is why I'm so critical.

well yea, there's a lot they can still do, and it doesn't seem like they are "in need" to die (like some people are limited on time that they have left that they can ctb).
and ideally at least one of those things works out for them and they'll find themselves and their meaning in life soon, but they were asking if their wishes to die were valid, and I think they are, regardless if you have had a good life or a bad life (objectively speaking).

Yes, I'd encourage them to try out other ways that they might've not thought of yet, seeing a doctor for starters, as well as re-evaluating their self.
But if after all of that they still just want nothing more than to die, then I don't think they shouldn't be "allowed to" only because of the fact that they've been a little more lucky than other people on here.

 

[lwlaiet8887]

well yea, there's a lot they can still do, and it doesn't seem like they are "in need" to die (like some people are limited on time that they have left that they can ctb).
and ideally at least one of those things works out for them and they'll find themselves and their meaning in life soon, but they were asking if their wishes to die were valid, and I think they are, regardless if you have had a good life or a bad life (objectively speaking).

Yes, I'd encourage them to try out other ways that they might've not thought of yet, seeing a doctor for starters, as well as re-evaluating their self.
But if after all of that they still just want nothing more than to die, then I don't think they shouldn't be "allowed to" only because of the fact that they've been a little more lucky than other people on here.

I don't disagree. I think I can read people pretty well so I have a good gage of OP. I just find it a bit silly when people ask "Is this a valid reason to CTB" and there doesn't seem to be a reason at all infact the opposite. I'm also pro-choice but will never romanticize death because that's just retarded. If someone's going to CBT than they're going to without anyone's advice but in OP's case I think he's very immature, could do with some medical intervention/healthy living and some spirituality in his life. He seems to have some good things in his life so if he can overcome this funk I think he can learn to greatly appreciate them.

 

[Captive_Mind515]

I don't doubt that you're an unhappy person OP.

The highly insulting and derogatory language displayed by you in this thread (along with the crass level of bravado), is usually a very strong indicator that someone has serious issues going on. So I won't be too judgemental of your posts for that reason.

If you feel that bad and have done for many years - even after trying to get help - then yeah I think you're perfectly justified in wanting to ctb. But it's your decision at the end of the day. Personally, I've never considered material things or career achievements etc to necessarily be a good enough reason on their own to keep a person happy and content in this life. I've seen so many examples of people who appear to have an amazing life from the outside, and yet they're unhappy and even highly self destructive in their behaviours... almost like they're trying to destroy everything they've worked hard to achieve. It's far more common than many people realise in this life. So I really don't doubt that you could be very unhappy, even if on paper you've got everything that most people would want...

 

[Aim]

I'm a 18yo M and have been having suicidal thoughts since I was around 14yo. However I quite literally have a perfect life by my standards. I'm above average intelligence and have been all my life. I never needed to try in school and had around a 50 percent attendance but still managed to get 6s and 7s in my GCSEs and in college breezed through my computing course with a 30 percent attendance. Not to be egotistical but I feel like I am quite attractive and have a body count of 4 (basically I'm not a lonely degen loser that gets no pussy) I have way more money than someone else who is 18 would have and I bench around 75kg for all that matters. I have a stable and supportive family that loves and cares for me and I live in a nice safe area. My point is I feel like there is no reason to feel the way I do but yet the only thing I want is to CTB. Its all I want as I am incredibly unhappy and find no interest in anything. I've tried everything I can think of. whether it be the gym, work, games, bitches, money, skating, friends or drugs. either way I feel like I have done everything in my power to try and find something that makes me happy but I just cant, the only thing that I like is sleeping as I don't have to be conscious and a I can just be at peace. I don't feel any guilt for what I would be putting my family, loved ones, friends and girlfriend through with my death (i wont be here to see it lmfao) and I find incredible amounts of comfort in the thought of my death and eternal rest. Is this a bad thing or does anyone think otherwise. No one will be able to change my mind as I have thought about it a lot but I am very curious to see the actual opinions of people on here from people that aren't obligated to tell me "no you have so much to live for" or some bullshit like that. either way, any opinions would mean a lot. Thanks.

First sad that you feel this way! Truly is by reading your post. I think everyone got to do what is best for them! I would always recommend someone to try a litle harder. Digg harder to see if the problem goes a litle deeper. And try to work from there. But in the end if a person wants to ctb. And has the courage to go through with it! Then what can anything or anyone do.

 

[johnwatterson]

I don't disagree. I think I can read people pretty well so I have a good gage of OP. I just find it a bit silly when people ask "Is this a valid reason to CTB" and there doesn't seem to be a reason at all infact the opposite. I'm also pro-choice but will never romanticize death because that's just retarded. If someone's going to CBT than they're going to without anyone's advice but in OP's case I think he's very immature, could do with some medical intervention/healthy living and some spirituality in his life. He seems to have some good things in his life so if he can overcome this funk I think he can learn to greatly appreciate them.

there isn't a physical reason, its more so the fact that I've felt like shit for so long that i cant find the motivation to even try anymore. I'm still giving life a chance for around a year until i decide what I'm going to do (CTB or carry on) its just i wanted to see if anyone had any similar feelings or if anyone had any input to give on my current situation.

 

[MadisonMoon]

there isn't a physical reason, its more so the fact that I've felt like shit for so long that i cant find the motivation to even try anymore. I'm still giving life a chance for around a year until i decide what I'm going to do (CTB or carry on) its just i wanted to see if anyone had any similar feelings or if anyone had any input to give on my current situation.

Not to come across as some "PC principal" but I hope you'll agree that in terms of tone a lot leaves to be desired? Speaking in terms of getting pussy, bitches, how great you are and your life is? It can all be brought in a...let's say...more tactful way.

To me, personally, it sounds like you might be suffering from a chemical inbalance? Also you're still very much in your formative years, you might not have found what brings you fulfillment yet. Maybe get out of your comfort zone? Do various kinds of volunteer work? Pick up an instrument? It sounds like you have the ways and means to explore more...it would be a shame to rob yourself of that, don't you agree?

You ask for people's opinions, it then stands to reason you'll also hear those opinions you might not be hoping to hear. To then attack someone for being disabled, using the lingo that you do...eh...not a good look imho.

I hope you'll give yourself the time to do some honest soul searching, to explore, to find what is truly best for you - regardless of what that answer turns out to be.

 

[lwlaiet8887]

there isn't a physical reason, its more so the fact that I've felt like shit for so long that i cant find the motivation to even try anymore. I'm still giving life a chance for around a year until i decide what I'm going to do (CTB or carry on) its just i wanted to see if anyone had any similar feelings or if anyone had any input to give on my current situation.

Sorry for being insulting I can understand how you feel. I just think you have a lot to live for and I don't see a reason why you should seriously considering CBT before trying other options. Usually if you feel like shit physically for no reason (low mood) it can be for a ton of reasons that's why I mentioned that you should see a doctor. I used to have many deficiencies that greatly impacted my mood but once I managed to treat them my base line was much better. Get your blood work done, make sure your gut health is good and that you're eating well, do physical exercise, see a therapist or consider trying anti-depressants, try spiritual methods i.e psychedelics DMT,LSD, travel. I can understand being depressed yet still having a lot going on for you but do you still enjoy things in life, if so I think you can find a reason to give you purpose. I just don't agree with the romanticization of death at all, it's very hard to CBT and once you're dead there's nothing. It's not restful or peaceful you will experience nothing for entirety. You seem to have the foundations for a good life and I hope that you make the most of it, I wouldn't want to see someone with lots of potential throw their lives away due to what could be momentary hardship.

I wrote this for myself many years ago but this is my short but concise philosophy on life, maybe it can help you in someway https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...s-ago-what-ive-learnt-in-recent-years.133949/

 

[johnwatterson]

Not to come across as some "PC principal" but I hope you'll agree that in terms of tone a lot leaves to be desired? Speaking in terms of getting pussy, bitches, how great you are and your life is? It can all be brought in a...let's say...more tactful way.

To me, personally, it sounds like you might be suffering from a chemical inbalance? Also you're still very much in your formative years, you might not have found what brings you fulfillment yet. Maybe get out of your comfort zone? Do various kinds of volunteer work? Pick up an instrument? It sounds like you have the ways and means to explore more...it would be a shame to rob yourself of that, don't you agree?

You ask for people's opinions, it then stands to reason you'll also hear those opinions you might not be hoping to hear. To then attack someone for being disabled, using the lingo that you do...eh...not a good look imho.

I hope you'll give yourself the time to do some honest soul searching, to explore, to find what is truly best for you - regardless of what that answer turns out to be.

I can play the piano and have made lots of music on SoundCloud (not that any of it is good infact its all ass) I'm actually really invested in music as it is one of my interests. and as for charity work i have done my fair amount, not the most by any means, but I've donated a lot of my own money to cancer research and raised a lot of money for it by doing sponsored marathons i.e. the Tokyo, Boston, London and Berlin marathon. in total around £20,000 has been raised from the several fundraisers I've done. and i also work in food kitchens on Christmas to help homeless and lonely old people have an enjoyable Christmas

Sorry for being insulting I can understand how you feel. I just think you have a lot to live for and I don't see a reason why you should seriously considering CBT before trying other options. Usually if you feel like shit physically for no reason (low mood) it can be for a ton of reasons that's why I mentioned that you should see a doctor. I used to have many deficiencies that greatly impacted my mood but once I managed to treat them my base line was much better. Get your blood work done, make sure your gut health is good and that you're eating well, do physical exercise, see a therapist or consider trying anti-depressants, try spiritual methods i.e psychedelics DMT,LSD, travel. I can understand being depressed yet still having a lot going on for you but do you still enjoy things in life, if so I think you can find a reason to give you purpose. I just don't agree with the romanticization of death at all, it's very hard to CBT and once you're dead there's nothing. It's not restful or peaceful you will experience nothing for entirety. You seem to have the foundations for a good life and I hope that you make the most of it, I wouldn't want to see someone with lots of potential throw their lives away due to what could be momentary hardship.

I wrote this for myself many years ago but this is my short but concise philosophy on life, maybe it can help you in someway https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...s-ago-what-ive-learnt-in-recent-years.133949/

i apologise for being rude too, but have you read the thread at all all of what you listed i have done. I'm incredibly fit i have a really healthy diet i work out 4 days a week making sure i target every muscle group at the gym. I've spoken to my psychologist and been on several different medications I've also tried LSD and shrooms as well as other drugs like weed, coke (not uk coke that shit is ass) MDMA with my ex ive been around the world in hopes to experience other cultures.

 

[lwlaiet8887]

I can play the piano and have made lots of music on SoundCloud (not that any of it is good infact its all ass) I'm actually really invested in music as it is one of my interests. and as for charity work i have done my fair amount, not the most by any means, but I've donated a lot of my own money to cancer research and raised a lot of money for it by doing sponsored marathons i.e. the Tokyo, Boston, London and Berlin marathon. in total around £20,000 has been raised from the several fundraisers I've done. and i also work in food kitchens on Christmas to help homeless and lonely old people have an enjoyable Christmas

i apologise for being rude too, but have you read the thread at all all of what you listed i have done. I'm incredibly fit i have a really healthy diet i work out 4 days a week making sure i target every muscle group at the gym. I've spoken to my psychologist and been on several different medications I've also tried LSD and shrooms as well as other drugs like weed, coke (not uk coke that shit is ass) MDMA with my ex ive been around the world in hopes to experience other cultures.

Seems like you have a lot going on then and have lived a lot. Life can be very monotonous especially for someone who's lived a lot I suppose. I don't have the answers for you and only time will tell, but I believe there's some happiness to be found in simply being content and mastering the monotony of life.

 

[johnwatterson]

Seems like you have a lot going on then and have lived a lot. Life can be very monotonous especially for someone who's lived a lot I suppose. I don't have the answers for you and only time will tell, but I believe there's some happiness to be found in simply being content and mastering the monotony of life.

that was kind of my point. I've done everything i can think of but yet still have an overwhelming urge to CTB the specifics of what I've done in my life didn't really matter and that's why i didn't put everything in the original post, but i still was looking not necessarily for answers but mainly for opinions on what other people would do if in my same situation

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Well th thing is why should i have to take medication daily just to not even be happy, none of them work and realistically the only thing i want from life is for it to end. i get where you are coming from with me not being able to tell what the rest of my life has in store for me but if im being honest i don't really care. the only thing i want is to CTB and i can't see that changing any time soon

Well there's no point taking medication that doesn't work. I'm doubtful too whether medication could really change these feelings; I'm just pointing out that it usually takes people a lot of different ones (if one ever works).

that was kind of my point. I've done everything i can think of but yet still have an overwhelming urge to CTB the specifics of what I've done in my life didn't really matter and that's why i didn't put everything in the original post, but i still was looking not necessarily for answers but mainly for opinions on what other people would do if in my same situation

I would wait until a few more years so you can make more of a truly informed decision.

 

[Aim]

Sounds like a bit of a joke to me. "Hey everybody, my life is so great but I think it'd be cool if I CBT! LMFAO" death isn't a joke you know it's something serious and permanent, not something you do for shits and giggles because you think It'd be cool. Your whole tone is off putting and immature. If you're going to CBT it's not something you ask others whether you're going to do it or not because you're "unsure". Don't stupidly romanticize death as a great thing it's nothing and the act of CBT itself is no easy feat. I'm not remotely pro-life but you don't sound like someone's who desperately looking to CBT just a young adult going through a stint of depression who will eventually get over with it. I have nothing you have in life. I don't have a good family, my body is physically weak/debilitating, never had a girlfriend and will probably never have one unless a girl decides to pity me enough, I have been through hell financially. poor health, my dreams are crushed/unobtainable, yet I'm still here and moderately happy although I have considered seriously CBT and have methods available. Honestly, you're a bit cringe and are a result of this site becoming mainstream and are your typical "depressed" teenager lingo included. "basically I'm not a lonely degen loser that gets no pussy" This is telling enough of your intellect and lack of seriousness. I think you should see a doctor if you haven't already, get your bloodwork done, do physical exercise, and learn to appreciate all of the great things you have in life. At the end of the day it's your decision whether you CBT or not, but I'm not one of those people who's going to lie through their teeth on how I feel about someone's situation.

This is just BS! Everyone on this site should be taken seriously when sharing something this vulnerable. I'm in shock! Shame on you!

 

[lwlaiet8887]

This is just BS! Everyone on this site should be taken seriously when sharing something this vulnerable. I'm in shock! Shame on you!

K.