Venting Is it wrong for me wanting to ctb if a family member gets an incurable illness?

[Circles]

Am I wrong for wanting to leave so I don't have to deal with it? My mother for example has a family history of Alzheimer's. Her mother and grandmother both had it and lately as my mother ages I'm beginning to worry that she might get it too. Last night she forgot that she put something in the oven and I woke up hearing screaming, smoke enveloping my room. Went down stairs took care of that but afterwards I was pissed thinking that this is the beginning of the disease. I mean I understand she took care of me for most of my life and yes she was and still is a wonderful mother but I never feel like I 'owe' her if she ever began to crumble mentally and physically. Now I feel like an asshole. What a predicament, I feel trapped. I don't want to go through that, hell I even have tried to talk about assisted suicide with her if it ever came to it and she somewhat understands but I doubt she'd consider it until it's too late.

I can't even take care of myself, I didn't ask for any of this to happen, I didn't ask to be born, I didn't make the rules where suffering like this shit happens on a daily occurrence, I don't want any of this responsibility. The older I get the more I feel trapped by all these arbitrary expectations. All I am trying to do is making it one day at a time and shit like this makes me dread every moment time passes closer to my breaking point.

 

[Xerxes]

Isn't suicide also like an incurable illness? So is depression.

 

[Circles]

Isn't suicide also like an incurable illness? So is depression.

Yes well lifers have a different opinion on that.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Life is horrific. I wouldn't judge you based on any reason you had for wanting to leave it, but that's just me. It's one big Jenga tower, one wrong move and the whole thing comes crashing down around you.

I mean, perhaps basing your decision solely on a disease that may never happen to your mother is a little much even for me, but I am guessing that's far from the only reason you have for wanting to exit. If it's just one more thing to add to the shitpile then it's understandable, in my view. It's whatever you personally feel is the straw that breaks the camel's back.

 

[Circles]

Life is horrific. I wouldn't judge you based on any reason you had for wanting to leave it, but that's just me. It's one big Jenga tower, one wrong move and the whole thing comes crashing down around you.

I mean, perhaps basing your decision solely on a disease that may never happen to your mother is a little much even for me, but I am guessing that's far from the only reason you have for wanting to exit. If it's just one more thing to add to the shitpile then it's understandable, in my view. It's whatever you personally feel is the straw that breaks the camel's back.

It's one of many reasons my friend. On the other hand it's just the cherry on top of shit I'm dreading while getting older.

 

[NemoZeno]

I will certainly annoy/anger some by playing devil's advocate and saying this so here it goes.
I deviate a bit and sound like I'm on a soapbox but I think I bring it back as a whole. No tl;dr ATM.

Short of places like r/CMV, debate.org, and other similar places, most forums on the internet are practically echo chambers (notice I said 'practically' and not absolutely/100% all the time). Pro/anti gun, abortion, prostitution legalization, suicide, etc whatever: what's in the box? Mostly reinforcement of the same principles.


So....are you wrong? "Yes" according to most of the world.
Knee-jerk reactions on all parties aside, why?

Well, if you subscribe to the belief that in this reality, there are objective truths...then the why isn't terribly hard to come by after considerable contemplation.
We are meaning-centric beings: whatever we do "must have" a purpose/be meaningful in order to do. Regardless if it's objective or not.
Animals/all other species on this planet "obey" the instinct to eat, sleep, survive, keep doing aforementioned until they can bump uglies with their opposite to pass on genes.
Until we regress back to the late Stone Ages (give or take), we do that in a more superfluous way thanks to consciousness and language. Due to those, we make the mostly conscious decision to "choose" living on (wheres animals, AFAIK, aren't aware).
The "choice" to live on has purpose/is meaningful because it is the fulfillment of what we call love which is what our species collectively has chosen as the absolute ideal above all else/all things.
Whether love is the universe/god(s), living on is as sensible as breathing. Therefore all "trickles down" from there. Ethics/morals, duty/responsibility, culture, etc derive itself with love in mind.
Everything anyone does now is in some way tied to love:

• You eat so you don't starve so you don't die so you can continue existing so that you can give love.
• You work so that you can eat so that above happens.
• You find hobbies/people to call friends to keep you sane so that you can work so that above happens.

What my bizarre wall of text was trying to get at is that you average person will virtually always think you are wrong because you are not keeping your end "of the deal" to love (not taking care of your mother; not continuing to live to pay taxes to fund wars I mean social services) regardless of any circumstance.

Well then...where that leaves you/how you should feel about CTB despite a family being incurably ill is your decision. May I kindly suggest an attitude of "fuck off" whenever someone comes on their high horse about why you shouldn't CTB and/or the conditioned thoughts of guilt?

Sorry, my craziness

ends now


Fuck what I say but


edit Jesus Joseph and Mary...that was off the rails. I'm always surprised by my coffee fueled BS.

 

[Schopenhauer]

Since I think that the decision to ctb is entirely personal, only the individual sentient being can decide whether it's right or wrong. I wouldn't stay longer in this world because of anyone else...