I've spent the last two holidays (Christmas) holed up in my apartment drinking myself to death. I'm looking forward to not having to deal with the intense loneliness of such a holiday—everyone is happy with their families and so forth.
Online dating is a shit show. I did it on and off for years. And even if you do connect with someone most men seem to just want sex, and women are equally shallow (I've seen profiles where women say "if you drive a Kia don't contact me). I no longer want any part of it.
Inability to connect with other humans is the prima facta reason I want and need to go. Never had a single friend in HS, couldn't relate to their fun and games plus I was a weirdo I guess, and still am at 38.
Life without connection is for me completely meaningless, and I've been lonely too long because of it. Time to get the hell out NOW.
The only connections I care about now are with other suicidal folks and people who understand my decision.