Venting Is it selfish for me to miss people who took their own life?

[underscore_nine]

hi friends, throughout the last 4 years I've had around 6 people, including my girlfriend kill themself and leave this world. Every day I miss them, I feel like I could have helped them and if I did they would still be here and enjoying their life. I pray for them and know they'll be in a better place but I can't help myself from thinking I could have saved them, at least some. My girlfriend never told me what she was going through, she hid it for months until she left this world. I loved her more than anything and I don't think I will ever forget how I found her. I feel like I shouldn't wish she was still alive as I wasn't making her happy enough to stay but I'd give anything to have one last dinner with her, one last hug.. As for my other 5 friends some of them did it because of finance, which I could have helped them with, some had suffered enough abuse and I couldn't convince them to stay no matter what (my irl friends never told me and just disappeared, my online friends gave me fore warning before dying). I hope that they are all with god, but I wish I could have helped them. I loved them and I hate what losing them has done to me.. Just last night I lost a friend from here, it's not like I didn't know it was coming and i'm glad they're at peace but I miss them regardless.. Is it sinful to miss them and wish you could have just one last interaction with them?

 

[Usako0504]

I don't think it's bad. It means you cared. It means you have a good heart and you loved them.

 

[underscore_nine]

I don't think it's bad. It means you cared. It means you have a good heart and you loved them.

Yet I want my girlfriend back, just for some closure, so I could tell her I loved her, instead of seeing her in a pool of her own blood on the floor..

 

[020x]

You're very strong. And your heart is good and true

Absolutely nothing to feel bad about.

 

[saddestbunny]

absolutely not. your own feelings are your own feelings. just as it's their decision to take their own life, it's also your own feelings of sadness. it is not wrong. you are not at fault for how you feel

 

[HAL 9000]

Sin is a concept I'm no longer concerned with, but I will try to speak to your raw experience as a Human. Missing them despite their suffering is a compulsion; not an act in of itself. It's not as if by merely wishing to spend time with them they are condemned to stay here. You enjoyed their company and wish you could have done more with the time you had together. It doesn't make you sinful or selfish or nothin like that.

 

[Eyler]

hi friends, throughout the last 4 years I've had around 6 people, including my girlfriend kill themself and leave this world. Every day I miss them, I feel like I could have helped them and if I did they would still be here and enjoying their life. I pray for them and know they'll be in a better place but I can't help myself from thinking I could have saved them, at least some. My girlfriend never told me what she was going through, she hid it for months until she left this world. I loved her more than anything and I don't think I will ever forget how I found her. I feel like I shouldn't wish she was still alive as I wasn't making her happy enough to stay but I'd give anything to have one last dinner with her, one last hug.. As for my other 5 friends some of them did it because of finance, which I could have helped them with, some had suffered enough abuse and I couldn't convince them to stay no matter what (my irl friends never told me and just disappeared, my online friends gave me fore warning before dying). I hope that they are all with god, but I wish I could have helped them. I loved them and I hate what losing them has done to me.. Just last night I lost a friend from here, it's not like I didn't know it was coming and i'm glad they're at peace but I miss them regardless.. Is it sinful to miss them and wish you could have just one last interaction with them?

Not at all, it's not selfish at all. It's okay to care, you have every right to do so, it's not "sinful" or "terrible".

It's beautiful, beautiful that people like you care. It's absolutely okay to want one last interaction or for them to be alive, you simply just miss that warm feeling they gave around you. That's what you miss.

All you can either do is move on, but it's hard right? It's "impossible"? Sometimes it can feel like that, but all you can do is grow acceptance, if you were to not let them go at peace you will simply bring yourself to your own downfall.

You can try either making new friends, or take a break for a while from new friendships, to heal enough.

In the end, it's okay to be "selfish" how other may say, or others will tell you, u are. I would choose none, you only miss the gone and that's kindness.

Kindness and proof that YOU loved them.

I would simply say more, but I'm sure you wanted to read something quick, I hope they rest well.

May peace be cleansed.
Please take care!

 

[Forever Sleep]

No- I'd say it was simply human to miss the people we cared about and had connections with when they pass on. If it were a case that you COULD bring them back- knowing that they would likely suffer- and you chose to do it regardless, that might be selfish. But that's academic- we can't. I do understand how you feel but you may not be able to fix their problems in the end if they did come back.

I still miss my Mum like mad. She died when I was 3. My Dad I guess tries to stop me dwelling on it by saying- I couldn't wish her back as she was in the end. She was in so much pain. I sort of get where he's coming from. It must have been a happy release for her in the end. Still- it's not like I'm wishing her back when she was dying from cancer! I just want to experience what it's like to have a Mum. That's natural- surely? Same as it's natural for you to grieve for the people you have lost. I'm so sorry.

 

[underscore_nine]

No- I'd say it was simply human to miss the people we cared about and had connections with when they pass on. If it were a case that you COULD bring them back- knowing that they would likely suffer- and you chose to do it regardless, that might be selfish. But that's academic- we can't. I do understand how you feel but you may not be able to fix their problems in the end if they did come back.

I still miss my Mum like mad. She died when I was 3. My Dad I guess tries to stop me dwelling on it by saying- I couldn't wish her back as she was in the end. She was in so much pain. I sort of get where he's coming from. It must have been a happy release for her in the end. Still- it's not like I'm wishing her back when she was dying from cancer! I just want to experience what it's like to have a Mum. That's natural- surely? Same as it's natural for you to grieve for the people you have lost. I'm so sorry.

My girlfriend was an amazing person, I just feel so terrible,, I think about some of the rather small arguments we had and obsess over whether or not that was what caused it, I couldn't sleep for a week after she died, I would just think about her and what I did to make her do this..

 

[deadhead12!]

can i ask what methods they used?

 

[underscore_nine]

can i ask what methods they used?

she cut herself to death, wrists

 

[FuneralCry]

It's understandable missing people but at least those who are gone cannot suffer anymore, they are at peace, of course I get that loss can be painful but to me it could never be surprising that so many decide to ctb in this world filled with senseless cruelty where there is endless potential to suffer.

And suicide really is difficult after all so I believe that those who managed to succeed despite the fact that it's so hard to leave really wanted to be gone. The cycle of death and loss is a reason as to why I'm against bringing life here in the first place as if no life was forced here then nobody would have to die and suffer loss, as loss is simply inevitable as long as one exists here as we all have to die someday, it's just tragic to me how there's so much unnecessary suffering in existing.
I'm surprised that someone managed to ctb using the cutting wrists method though as it's well known for being very unreliable.

 

[jessisme]

Yes it's selfish but that doesn't make it a bad thing. Being selfish gets a bad rap but in many cases it's an important part of life.

 

[NoHorizon]

I heard a poem at a funeral, where the last line was "miss me, but let me go" and it always stuck with me.

You aren't doing anything wrong by having these feelings - it isn't like you are forcing them back alive by thinking how you'd like to be with them again. You're clearly a very caring person and it must be incredibly hard to have lost so many loved ones to suicide.

 

[mob]

These are normal human feelings. I've lost a dear friend of mine to suicide, so I relate to you. It's been three years and I still miss her and feel sad about it, although I believe that everyone should have the right to decide themselves what they do with their life - it's normal. It's human. And it's not selfish.

 

[Forever Sleep]

My girlfriend was an amazing person, I just feel so terrible,, I think about some of the rather small arguments we had and obsess over whether or not that was what caused it, I couldn't sleep for a week after she died, I would just think about her and what I did to make her do this..

I'm sure it wasn't entirely down to you. You don't sound the sort who would deliberately upset someone. You sound incredibly caring. People argue- it's just a part of living under stress and sometimes lashing out at those closest. Honestly- I think we're all responsible for ourselves. Some people simply won't let others 'save' them. I think I may actually fall into that category. So- there may well have been nothing you could have done to help your girlfriend- or, your other friends- even if you had known. Some people really don't like others fussing over them. She may well not have told you because she knew there was nothing you could do to save her and maybe she didn't want to put you through the pain of trying and failing. That's how I feel about it anyhow. I don't want people to know because it's only me who can save me. I don't want people worrying. I don't want them nagging me either to try this or this- that just annoys me! There could be lots of reasons she didn't tell you but it may be that she was simply in a place that no one could reach her. I'm so sorry though. I can't imagine how awful it must feel.