Discussion Do you have any friends? And if so, are you open with them about your problems?

[Leonard_Bangley39]

It feels like i cant have friends. I've never had real friends before growing up. The closest I've had to real friends are the friends i met online. They were the only people i openly told about my suicidal feelings. But i treated them like shit and kept lashing out, and now they're gone. I miss them a lot. I miss having people to just talk to about anything, not necessarily about my problems. I wish i could just wipe my memory completely, over and over i cant stop thinking about what he said before he left me. About how i treated them. I just want to stop thinking about it. I would've rather stayed alone forever than this.

 

[Afterglow]

If you count online friends, then yes. Quite a few. In real life, none.

The only people I'm fully open with are the ones I met here. They're similar to me. They don't try to fix me or question every decision I make. I can say what I'm actually feeling without it turning into a lecture from them.

My other friends, the stable ones, I keep that part of myself separate. I don't think they'd understand it, and I don't want to be more of a burden on them.

And if I'm honest, I don't want them to see how deep the cracks run.

 

[thelostautistic]

I have a few friends. But I don't share how much I'm struggling with them. I don't see the point in talking about how I feel to people in real life because nobody truly understands me and I don't want to bring anyone down. I also have a lot of trust issues. I'd rather talk about how I feel on the forum because suicide discussion isn't a taboo here.

 

[EternallyCold]

I'm sorry to hear to hear about that. It sounds like you're going through a really tough time right now and feeling lots of pain and regret for what you did and it's normal to reflect on your past and your mistakes and everything and what you could've done differently but you need to learn to forgive yourself. I have a friend group but I don't talk to them much or hang out with them much but I do have a really close friend in there that I've basically shared everything to. I feel so bad that they have to deal with my bullshit and that I've dumped all this them. If it helps you can talk to me, just know that I'm always here for you

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

I'm sorry to hear to hear about that. It sounds like you're going through a really tough time right now and feeling lots of pain and regret for what you did and it's normal to reflect on your past and your mistakes and everything and what you could've done differently but you need to learn to forgive yourself. I have a friend group but I don't talk to them much or hang out with them much but I do have a really close friend in there that I've basically shared everything to. I feel so bad that they have to deal with my bullshit and that I've dumped all this them. If it helps you can talk to me, just know that I'm always here for you

thank you, it really means a lot

 

[comeoutandhauntme]

i have some of the best irl friends in the world and i love them so dearly. but nobody knows how badly i am doing or even that i'm struggling at all. i do very good at faking it, and also just see no point in talking to them abt my problems. none of my issues are anything that they can fix, telling them would only burden them and raise concern for me that would make it harder for me to ctb

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

ive got a couple friends. im not super open with them but its gotten impossible to hide how bad im doing so they do know i am struggling and that i am depressed. ive told a few of them a teeny bit. my room mate knows that i feel extremely lonely. my best friend knows i have anxiety around death although i didn't go into detail about how my worry is more around wanting to die but worrying what could go wrong with it. i have got one other friend who i think kinda knows that i am suicidal. he is too and i have wondered if i could be more open with him but i dont know.

 

[LonelyPrince]

It feels like i cant have friends. I've never had real friends before growing up. The closest I've had to real friends are the friends i met online. They were the only people i openly told about my suicidal feelings. But i treated them like shit and kept lashing out, and now they're gone. I miss them a lot. I miss having people to just talk to about anything, not necessarily about my problems. I wish i could just wipe my memory completely, over and over i cant stop thinking about what he said before he left me. About how i treated them. I just want to stop thinking about it. I would've rather stayed alone forever than this.

I sorta relate to your situation.
I treated some people like shit too and either they left of I abandoned them myself.
I think that when you are severely depressed it's unfortunately common to lash out at the ones closest to you...either that or bottle up everything until you explode.

Ruminating on the past won't change it, you can only look forward. I know it's not that simple because I too have many regrets.

You can have friends, you deserve some just like anybody else. We all make mistakes, doesn't mean you are doomed to repeat them.

 

[kk13]

i have a few at college but none of them know im suicidal. they probably know im depressed evevn though i havent told them. its quite obvious. everyine can sort of tell and it makes me sad because thats not who ia m. and once people start treating me that way i push them away. i even had a best friend of several years but i pushed her away and ghosted her in november. she still tries to text and call me. i still follow her instagram and every month she posts a photodump and im always in it. i feel bad but im gonna die anyway.
i had an online friend too, i had told him i was gonna die before my first attempt. i didnt tell him i survived and i dont think i should.

 

[kuroshimi]

Until I got to the university I didn't have any friends in real life and I mostly communicate on the internet. The people that I've met on the internet were literally my salvation. Probably I would be more lonely without them.
Hereafter, nothing has changed, but at university I met a lot of wonderful people with whom I can share interests.

Still, I openly talk about my suicidal feelings with a couple of internet friends and they are very supportive and somewhat struggling themselves. The rest remain in dark.

 

[outerspaceangel999]

I've never had as many friends as I do now honestly. For a long time I was really alone, I still struggle to make deep connections but there are a few people I can call my friends and I'm really grateful for that. It took a while but sometimes I really feel like I finally found my people, yk?

There are some stuff I talk to them about, but it's always from the past. I rarely, if ever, bring up the things I'm dealing with now. I really want to sometimes, and I do feel like I can trust them and that they'd wanna help but I'm scared to put too much weight on their shoulders, or to end up pushing them away. As awful as it is to be left because of mental health issues, I still couldn't blame them because you really do have to put yourself first sometimes, and I also know a lot of my friends are struggling with various stuff too.

With some of them there is an understanding that we are struggling but that there's hope it'll get better, but it's very rarely voiced out loud. It has been once, with the person who used to be my best friend. It's a weird kind of bond sometimes and I'm never sure if I really miss it or not.

Sorry for the long rant. I hope it answered the question =)

 

[Kitty_Can't_2026]

i have some of the best irl friends in the world and i love them so dearly. but nobody knows how badly i am doing or even that i'm struggling at all. i do very good at faking it, and also just see no point in talking to them abt my problems. none of my issues are anything that they can fix, telling them would only burden them and raise concern for me that would make it harder for me to ctb

Wow. You put it all out there so perfectly. I journaled today trying to say the same thing....

I'm withdrawn from all my friends because they could never understand where I'm at right now. Never get how I'm feeling - what I'm planning.

 

[Sphinxi]

I have two friends irl. Both know I use sasu, and struggle with suicidal thoughts as well as a family history of suicide. One, whom I am intimate with, I overburden with my suicidal ideation. I hate myself for impacting him, and ruining something beautiful (his innocence and distance from such negativity). I plan on distancing myself from this partner, and my friend in preparation for my suicide. I never should have gotten close.

 

[Kitty_Can't_2026]

Hi.. too new to know what sasu is...
But I fully understand not wanting to burden people close to us with our feelings and need ro leave...
No one understands, right?
I hear you. It's brutal and so hard to feel...
Hard to feel by yourself and impossible to explain to anyone!
This level of loneliness is too much.
I'm relieved to have stumbled across SS to share all this with folks that are in the same place.
Thank you for "listening".

 

[Spite]

Nope, I have no IRL friends. But for my Internet friends, I am open to most of them about my problems.

 

[Kitty_Can't_2026]

Nope, I have no IRL friends. But for my Internet friends, I am open to most of them about my problems.

At this point IRL and Internet friends, they're the same. Right? People we connect with.
I'm talking to y'all RN... And I'm sharing with you things that none of my IRL friends will ever know.

 

[Pluto]

 

[TheCavernousDeep.]

There's no point for me. They can't help so why bring it up?

 

[wasphyso]

yea but it's not like they can help so why worry them

 

[meddle]

i had my best friend. i could tell her anything about everything and she would understand. and i would do the same for her. she also promiced to tell me if something was wrong in our relationships and she didnt tell when it was. now i dont have my best friend anymore

 

[angelita]

Telling friends does more harm than good, most of the time people get weirded out by stuff like this and don't ask follow up questions anyway

 

[aesthetic]

i don't have any friends to talk to.

 

[cluefixphantom]

I never really had friends either. The people I met always found something to criticize about me. It was often about how I look–that I'm ugly, hermaphrodit. I'm also poor. To those people, I was always just the dumb, slow, ugly something. Years later, the same people demonized me as mentally ill and r'tard or even parasite, because I need government aid (taxes) to survive lol (and many of them are wage slaves and need to pay their taxes). I don't get a normal job because nobody wants me there so I stay in poverty. I never had real health care because the doctors discriminate me too.

Thanks to my drug addicted cr'ppled parents I've been carrying physiological disabilities (not mental, psychology is a scam) for years now, but unfortunately, I haven't been able to get them properly diagnosed. I am seen as mentally ill, by these normal people who hate me for my face and poverty, while I suffer from physiological damages. My body has smelled like urine for years now, and I've been bullied because of it.

But I don't get any help. No care assistance, even though I really need someone. And I'm not stuck in some typical developing country–I'm in Germany but if you're poor here, the government won't give you any human rights.

 

[Lasuba]

A while back, when I had just discovered this forum and was just an immature kid, I used to openly talk about my problems, but people simply saw me as a sick person, and they obviously couldn't do anything about it.
Nowadays, I think the closest thing to a friend I have is just one person, and I don't talk about my problems with her because she can't do anything about it either.
In the end, you realize it's just you against the world, and that's it.

 

[walliwalli]

i only really have one close IRL friend. i haven't told her anything. she does not know i struggle with mental health issues. now that i think about it, none of my IRLs (family and friends) do. maybe, like, my high school english teacher that once graded a pretty depressing essay i wrote.

my online friends know. we vent to each other regularly. but since becoming actively suicidal, i haven't been talking much with them about my issues. it feels like i would cross the line between "just venting" and seriously concerning matters, and i'm not really in the mood to hear friends beg me not to kill myself. plus, some of them have my IRL info, so i can't risk them calling the cops on me. it's sad that i can't be honest with them anymore, but thankfully SS has been an alternative outlet.

 

[SOL3HIRO]

No irl friends other than my partner but I do have online friends. My online friends do know that I struggle because I make comments and what not but my partner knows everything. He's my best friend and knows that it is a likely possibility that I will pass by my own hands eventually.

 

[the_calynite]

Nah, No point in worrying anyone. They like me, I like them, I don't want to pretend a deeper level of connection. the benefit of the internet is I can say whatever I want with little consequence.

 

[DungEater]

Cops called on me when i was younger, since then it's usually guilt trips when brought up, sometimes it helps to vent a little but i just end up feeling like a shitty friend

 

[Dissenturion]

It feels like i cant have friends. I've never had real friends before growing up. The closest I've had to real friends are the friends i met online. They were the only people i openly told about my suicidal feelings. But i treated them like shit and kept lashing out, and now they're gone. I miss them a lot. I miss having people to just talk to about anything, not necessarily about my problems. I wish i could just wipe my memory completely, over and over i cant stop thinking about what he said before he left me. About how i treated them. I just want to stop thinking about it. I would've rather stayed alone

Friends can be complicated or simple, depending. I have friends but I don't talk to them as often. Previously, I used to talk to them every single day and then as my mental deteriorated, it became exhausting to have a conversation. At most I have 2 or 3 friends. All of them knows I've had suicidal ideation but they are never aware "in the moment" when it happens. It's always after the fact when I'm more mentally okay and let them know I wasn't around because I wanted to die. So, I would say my friends only knew a shallow part of it. They have never been with me in the very middle of my darkest points because I choose not to bring them in.

It's easier that way. I know I'll just rip them apart or drag them down into the darkest parts of it with me. I learned after traumatizing someone in the past with my dark thoughts and way of thinking. If they don't experience it themselves, they won't understand it. It'll just warp them and damage them. Friendships don't survive it, in my opinion. So when I am feeling up, I go to my friends then. And hide the worst of it from them. That's my way of being their friend. Protecting them from this.

They may say they want to be there for you in the worst of times but that doesn't mean they can handle it. They're only human. If you hurt them, the human thing is to try to protect themselves from being hurt again. It's SI.

 

[Lost Impact]

I become background noise to everyone around me. I've only ever been good enough as a back-up friend. The thing you talk to when your actual and better friends aren't around. Everyone that's had a "deeper" connection with me eventually realise the black pit I am and leave. I've also pushed away and lashed out at the only ones that genuinely seemed to care. They've all known my struggles because they all struggled too. I think I'm not meant for human communication. I've always hated surface-level friendships but maybe that's really all I can afford anymore.