I do not know the answer, as we cannot know what went through the mind of those that are gone before they ctb. I think I would be calm about the process of ctb if I had a peaceful and reliable way to exit, I would just be glad that the suffering is coming to an end, but of course even know we want to die, all humans are programmed to survive. Ctb can be very difficult because of the survival instinct and I believe that often people must be desperate to be able to ctb by methods like jumping or hanging.