is it possible to pack away suicidal thought?

[heartinparadise]

I think of ctb obsessively and constantly. Both in the mind and with a physically aching sensation in my chest. It's hunger but instead of hunger it's the hope of dying.

That's fine usually, but it becomes an issue when I do other tasks.
in calculus class?
When am I to die?
Doing physics review?
The bus doesn't catch itself, darn, need to keep planning
Writing labs?
CTB CTB

I am unable to put my wishes aside and get some stuff done.
Like a tired horse rider with a wildly galloping horse, I like my enthusiasm towards achieving a goal, but I get tired of thinking of the same thing all day long.

just a few hours of no thoughts, just maths, and then back to normal
thinking of ctb without collecting new data feels like checking the fridge, finding nothing new, then checking it twice more, gets old sometimes

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Is there a trigger? Why do you wanna die? What caused the suicidal ideation? Ever got a diagnosis? Have you consulted a psychiatrist?

 

[heartinparadise]

Is there a trigger? Why do you wanna die? What caused the suicidal ideation? Ever got a diagnosis? Have you consulted a psychiatrist?

No trigger and it's there when I wake up. I've no idea why it's there either, with no diagnosis, and I haven't spoke in depth about it with a psychiatrist. I think I should, they're more knowledgeable than me after all, then from there begins the delicate game of don't run my mouth beyond what's needed. You asked some good questions, thanks

 

[danny10]

I am sorry you have to go through this. Believe me, you're not alone. I myself can only think about suicide these days. I really cannot escape these thoughts no matter what I do. I'm on 4 medications and none of those help. I guess the only way out is for me to CTB. Again, I'm very sorry for you OP!

 

[MercenariesofMidgar]

It's impossible for me. I've written some of my suicide notes in class!