Discussion Is it possible to be mentally healthy but also suicidal?

[ForestLove]

I generally don't see a point in it. Naturally people have goals / life plans they want to achieve but I've enjoyed my life up to a point and have always done as I pleased so now I'm content in ending it.

Are you experiencing existential crisis?

 

[Volomori83]

I don't think you can be trully mentally healthy and consider suicide for non-physical reasons. This apathetic state you describe as existing in - it's hardly mentally healthy. Not necessarily by official standards, but definitely by mine. Since you're saying continuation of your life is abhorrent to you, then you basically saying your current life is abhorrent to you. To the point of you wishing to end it. Nothing particullary irrational about it unless you believe by suicide you will end up in a more exciting place. Whether or not you're being selfish is only up to you to decide.

Thanks for your comment. All I would say to you is my life up to this point has not been abhorrent, what I said was the idea of my life continuing was abhorrent. I've almost experienced all I want too in life. I don't believe in an experiential afterlife, so I don't believe I'm going to "a more exciting place". Life is about experiences, death isn't.

 

[JWL]

I don't think it's funny to make jokes about someone's misery. Best of luck to you.

If you don't see the funny side of all of this I wish you the best of luck. Personally seeing the funny side of my issues is what's got me by up to now, but each to their own.

 

[Prénom Surnom]

If you don't see the funny side of all of this I wish you the best of luck. Personally seeing the funny side of my issues is what's got me by up to now, but each to their own.

What is the funny side of ending up in a psychiatric ward because you have no other options?

 

[LivingToLong]

You ask some very profound questions there @Volomori83 and it encourages the kind of conversation I came to this forum for. Like you, I ponder such things. Because, like you, I wonder if I must be ill.

How do we define 'ill'? 'It's similar to asking 'what is normal?' We humans love to (perhaps even need to) stick labels on things. We like to categorise. Clearly there are very clear cut examples of mental illness, illnesses that require medical intervention, but when you move away from those and move towards 'normality', then things aren't so clear. Illness exists on a spectrum, I think that most (if not all) of the things we categorise do. Is (some) illness simply something that is outside what most people think of as normal? With no other rationale than that? I don't know.

FWIW, I don't think I'm ill for having suicidal intentions. But then I would think that wouldn't I - I'm ill! (The paradox, catch 22) In fact, my thoughts feel coldly logical, neither deranged nor delusional. It feels like a well judged decision based on the evidence available to me. I've mentioned this in my other posts but, to be brief, I feel that I've done enough now and there's little left that I feel motivated to do. I feel that I'm simply ticking over, treading water. Yes, I accept that could be depression but, like you, I don't feel it is. Moreover, it's immaterial. The will to do something about it (if it were depression) has gone. Whatever the reason for it, I live with it on a daily basis and I see little reason to continue like this.

Why do people feel this way? Again, I don't know. I could talk about personal fulfilment - we either lack it or, conversely, have reached it. I could talk in terms of society; dehumanising, the treadmill etc. Perhaps modern life isn't good for us? Maybe we are living too long or maybe just living to long - that is, in search of something that will captivate us and give us reason (hence my user name incidentally, a play on words) Maybe we just reach a point where we say 'done now, nothing left' I recall that one of the philosophers (I've read some but by no means many) remarked - and I paraphrase - that suicide was an entirely rational decision; who would, faced by life's absurdity, not want to end it.

If I may sidetrack (not in an attempt to deter you but simply to convey something I found in reading this forum), I too have read the stories here. I have been incredibly moved by many of them. The suffering that people have to endure, both physical and mental, gives me good reason to be understanding of a decision to ctb. I have also read the stories of the attempts; the courage and determination people show is enviable. I have also followed the links to pictures and videos of both successful and unsuccessful attempts, and the latter can be horrifying. In the former, I saw something that went to my soul - I saw life gone. It made me realise what a huge decision it is to ctb. I equally must admit to a sadness; to end your life, the only one that you have, is not something I'd wish on anyone. I saw the end of everything that person ever was - yes, I felt a sadness.

When my younger brother died (naturally, a genetic illness) I viewed his body in the mortuary and I saw a similar thing, but had the opposite reaction - I was almost calmed. That corpse was not him (that is, not my brother as I knew him) My brother had gone and I found peace in that. Not because his suffering was over but because my own fear of him being DEAD was unfounded. I've no idea where my brother was but I felt comfort in feeling that the corpse wasn't him.

I've no idea what to make of those differing reactions but I have, for now, stepped back from the edge. I want to think a little more and be extra sure before I throw my hand in.

 

[JWL]

What is the funny side of ending up in a psychiatric ward because you have no other options?

We have different takes on humour. Good luck to you.

 

[Prénom Surnom]

We have different takes on humour. Good luck to you.

I asked you to explain what you thought was funny about my situation and you obviously can't. Some people don't have the option of "getting by". Mine runs out next month.

 

[Prénom Surnom]

You ask some very profound questions there @Volomori83 and it encourages the kind of conversation I came to this forum for. Like you, I ponder such things. Because, like you, I wonder if I must be ill.

How do we define 'ill'? 'It's similar to asking 'what is normal?' We humans love to (perhaps even need to) stick labels on things. We like to categorise. Clearly there are very clear cut examples of mental illness, illnesses that require medical intervention, but when you move away from those and move towards 'normality', then things aren't so clear. Illness exists on a spectrum, I think that most (if not all) of the things we categorise do. Is (some) illness simply something that is outside what most people think of as normal? With no other rationale than that? I don't know.

FWIW, I don't think I'm ill for having suicidal intentions. But then I would think that wouldn't I - I'm ill! (The paradox, catch 22) In fact, my thoughts feel coldly logical, neither deranged nor delusional. It feels like a well judged decision based on the evidence available to me. I've mentioned this in my other posts but, to be brief, I feel that I've done enough now and there's little left that I feel motivated to do. I feel that I'm simply ticking over, treading water. Yes, I accept that could be depression but, like you, I don't feel it is. Moreover, it's immaterial. The will to do something about it (if it were depression) has gone. Whatever the reason for it, I live with it on a daily basis and I see little reason to continue like this.

Why do people feel this way? Again, I don't know. I could talk about personal fulfilment - we either lack it or, conversely, have reached it. I could talk in terms of society; dehumanising, the treadmill etc. Perhaps modern life isn't good for us? Maybe we are living too long or maybe just living to long - that is, in search of something that will captivate us and give us reason (hence my user name incidentally, a play on words) Maybe we just reach a point where we say 'done now, nothing left' I recall that one of the philosophers (I've read some but by no means many) remarked - and I paraphrase - that suicide was an entirely rational decision; who would, faced by life's absurdity, not want to end it.

If I may sidetrack (not in an attempt to deter you but simply to convey something I found in reading this forum), I too have read the stories here. I have been incredibly moved by many of them. The suffering that people have to endure, both physical and mental, gives me good reason to be understanding of a decision to ctb. I have also read the stories of the attempts; the courage and determination people show is enviable. I have also followed the links to pictures and videos of both successful and unsuccessful attempts, and the latter can be horrifying. In the former, I saw something that went to my soul - I saw life gone. It made me realise what a huge decision it is to ctb. I equally must admit to a sadness; to end your life, the only one that you have, is not something I'd wish on anyone. I saw the end of everything that person ever was - yes, I felt a sadness.

When my younger brother died (naturally, a genetic illness) I viewed his body in the mortuary and I saw a similar thing, but had the opposite reaction - I was almost calmed. That corpse was not him (that is, not my brother as I knew him) My brother had gone and I found peace in that. Not because his suffering was over but because my own fear of him being DEAD was unfounded. I've no idea where my brother was but I felt comfort in feeling that the corpse wasn't him.

I've no idea what to make of those differing reactions but I have, for now, stepped back from the edge. I want to think a little more and be extra sure before I throw my hand in.

This is very profound. You have to be 100% sure or you won't be able to follow through with it.

 

[JWL]

I asked you to explain what you thought was funny about my situation and you obviously can't. Some people don't have the option of "getting by". Mine runs out next month.

Sorry, you can't really explain humour. You get it or you don't. That's sad, but also funny in a Monty Pythonesque way.

'Mine' runs out soon, too, but I prefer to laugh it out, rather than dwell on it in misery and self-pity. We all approach this in our own way. This is my way.

 

[asdasan]

You can be mentally healthy but life fucked you over like me

Amen.

 

[Prénom Surnom]

Sorry, you can't really explain humour. You get it or you don't. That's sad, but also funny in a Monty Pythonesque way.

'Mine' runs out soon, too, but I prefer to laugh it out, rather than dwell on it in misery and self-pity. We all approach this in our own way. This is my way.

I told you I didn't think it was funny, and wished you the best of luck but you just couldn't drop it. Even now, you're still trying to justify it and demeaning me by saying I'm "dwelling". Stop.

 

[JWL]

I told you I didn't think it was funny, and wished you the best of luck but you just couldn't drop it. Even now, your'e still trying to justify it and demeaning me by saying I'm "dwelling". Stop.

I don't have to 'justify' my beliefs to anyone. And having a different take on ctb is not 'demeaning' anyone. We're all in the same precarious boat here. Stop. Or pass, if you prefer.

 

[Rollo]

Thanks for your comment. All I would say to you is my life up to this point has not been abhorrent, what I said was the idea of my life continuing was abhorrent. I've almost experienced all I want too in life. I don't believe in an experiential afterlife, so I don't believe I'm going to "a more exciting place". Life is about experiences, death isn't.

But the "idea of continuation" is still your life, only in future. A repetition. Every day, every second is continuation. So unless your current life is already abhorrent you wouldn't find the idea of continuation of it abhorrent. It's as if you've eaten a bunch of ice-cream, then lost taste for it, yet you're keep being fed the same ice-cream. Which is progressively abhorrent the moment you loose the taste. However unlike loosing taste for ice-cream, I don't believe you can loose taste for life for healthy reasons.

 

[Pointlessabyss]

Are you experiencing existential crisis?

Thank you for the read, will be looking into that in a bit more detail tonight. Although I'm not sure about coming out the side of it.

 

[Prénom Surnom]

This is my last post. I came here because I thought it was a safe place to seriously discuss ctb but obviously it's not. I appreciate the information I was able to get from the site and definitely feel more prepared, so thanks to all for sharing. For those of you who are truly struggling with ctb, I feel for all of you and hope you find the courage to exhaust all of your options before choosing finality. Peace.

 

[JWL]

Well, it's a pity for sure, and this IS a safe place to discuss ctb, but it doesn't give any of us the right to impose our own agendas or emotionally blackmail with guilt trips and drama queen exits members who don't share your views or values.

I and we are entirely in the same position as you, with the clock ticking. Nobody occupies the high ground, and if you/we don't or can't accept what YOU deem 'offensive' views, it's clearly best to move on and/or just ignore, because 'there are more things twixt Heaven and Hell, Horatio, than are dreamt of in our philosophy', or words to that effect.

Don't take strong alternative opinions to heart! Try to see the funny side - there almost always IS one (try Fawlty Towers/Monty Python/Friends). Much peace to you...