So I've been missing out on school lately, got a ton of schoolworks that I haven't done since I don't have motivation to study anymore. Exams are near and I kind of need a cover so people don't blame my girl for when I ctb. So I want to make it look like I'm stressed from all the trying to make up for schoolworks + exam for being my reason to ctb other than for people to think I ctb for some other reason and to make my suicide note more believable
I'm sorry your life is so bad you want to CTB. Have you tried getting help for your problems?
being ok is just an individuals opinion only you can decide what you feel is best but always look at all the options. I have set a deadline for the end of June this year.
Here's the thing though, I'm not sure whether I want to do it yet, but I'm already fucking up my academics and relationships with other people. I don't know how I'm going to recover if I decide not to continue, and that's honestly pressuring me to just end it
No, I dont want to be a burden to my family, we're not exactly rich or able to afford therapy and I dont have a job.
Mr2005
Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
- Sep 25, 2018
- 3,622
Lostandfound7
Just waiting....
- Jan 21, 2020
- 995
Hey luv. Don't feel pressured to go thru with ctb cuz u haven't done ur shool work. U can always catch up or just retake the classes...
Anything u wanna talk about? Like the reasons u wanna ctb?
We're here for u..
And to answer ur question, I don't think it's "ok" for someone to give them self a "deadline", per se. Giving yourself a deadline just adds pressure n makes it seem as if u "must" get this done by xyz date n sort of disallows any realization of anything good that may n going on, cuz the focus is only on ctb.
There should always b room made for adjustments, depending on what's going on n ur situation. This is not like simply handing in an assignment or paying a bill. This is final. This is your LIFE..
Anything u wanna talk about? Like the reasons u wanna ctb?
We're here for u..
And to answer ur question, I don't think it's "ok" for someone to give them self a "deadline", per se. Giving yourself a deadline just adds pressure n makes it seem as if u "must" get this done by xyz date n sort of disallows any realization of anything good that may n going on, cuz the focus is only on ctb.
There should always b room made for adjustments, depending on what's going on n ur situation. This is not like simply handing in an assignment or paying a bill. This is final. This is your LIFE..
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Banquo501
Experienced
- Feb 6, 2020
- 259
Sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself at a time in your life where you're not going to cope with it. It's not fair on yourself to put a date on something like this, and rely on it as a get out clause for if you fail your exams or whatnot.
I would recommend talking to someone about how stressed you are regarding your academic situation.
Like others have said worst case scenario is you have to resit. That may sound depressing, but it's better than dying.
I would recommend talking to someone about how stressed you are regarding your academic situation.
Like others have said worst case scenario is you have to resit. That may sound depressing, but it's better than dying.
enjoy
Creature
- Dec 20, 2019
- 337
from what i've seen, a lot of people pick a day to ctb. some people's days have meanings while others don't.
but besides that, ctb over exams isn't worth it. i used to be like that, too. if i were you, i'd get a tutor. they're usually free on college campuses. also, don't put so much pressure on yourself to excel/succeed beyond the norm. study often, take breaks as needed, and reward yourself for your hard work. you'll be okay.
but besides that, ctb over exams isn't worth it. i used to be like that, too. if i were you, i'd get a tutor. they're usually free on college campuses. also, don't put so much pressure on yourself to excel/succeed beyond the norm. study often, take breaks as needed, and reward yourself for your hard work. you'll be okay.
Carina
Angelic
- Dec 22, 2019
- 4,005
Why set a deadline or anything? Look, you can do whatever you want, but with stress itself, sometimes it's better to talk about it to someone. You said exams, most places that have students have counselors, and even things that will allow students to decrease the pressure they're in class wise. If that's your main reason.
Could you possibly just talk to someone there to help out first with classes? All I'm saying is there's potentially a lot that can be done if your tests are your reason. And I mean a LOT. schools don't like failing normally if they can help it, nor do teachers.
Don't get me wrong, you're free to do whatever, and you will do whatever you want. But notes are believable if honest. And people will blame whomever they think is responsible no matter what. You can't entirely control that.
Could you possibly just talk to someone there to help out first with classes? All I'm saying is there's potentially a lot that can be done if your tests are your reason. And I mean a LOT. schools don't like failing normally if they can help it, nor do teachers.
Don't get me wrong, you're free to do whatever, and you will do whatever you want. But notes are believable if honest. And people will blame whomever they think is responsible no matter what. You can't entirely control that.
Lostandfound7
Just waiting....
- Jan 21, 2020
- 995
When ppl can't get the answers that the want, they will often blame others. So even with all that ur planning n purposely failing, they might still blame ur gf for "making" u fail n then ur ctb...
I guess it makes them feel betta...A few yrs ago my 18 yo nephew left his key in the apt n went out. His mom was on vacation n he was locked out. He was desperate to get in n came up with a foolish idea to buy some rope, gloves n climb to the top of his bldg roof- 6 floors, n climb into his 5th story window. He fell to his death..
No matter what we told my sis in law n even NYPD showing her the vid of HIM buying the supplies in the nearby supermkt, she still believes someone tied him up n pushed him..She refused to believe he would do something so desperate n crazy cuz the other scenario makes her feel more comfortable. ..blaming someone else..
If you don't feel ready then give it time. If you want to ctb then I suppose there isn't much to lose waiting a little ? And giving it a try
I've thought about it for some time and I've decided there is no possible way for me to go through this and still live a happy life, no matter what.
Eh, I've set "don't use X or Y date" for a variety of reasons, but the only hard deadline I ever aimed for, I totally ignored:
1) emotionally wasn't rock solid
2) small chores to wrap up so the world transitions me out, as easily as I plan to transition out of here
So, I'm against deadlines.
1) emotionally wasn't rock solid
2) small chores to wrap up so the world transitions me out, as easily as I plan to transition out of here
So, I'm against deadlines.
Your original post conveys that. Maybe put the note out of your mind, don't try to give off vibes of stress to make your story plausible, y'know? Just be you, and maybe your stress will lower naturally, with time, the way stress tends to.
Well, for one, I'm in the one of the most decisive moments of my life, and I'm sure I have no way of fixing my future, even if I do. I'll just spend the rest of my days alone and hurting.
Do you mean a decision more important than death? I'm not sure how to read that post.
No, think of it like, building your own path to your career. Imagine failing that and the shame that everyone puts into you after you do fail.
This hurts to hear because I know how that feels, but also know it's not assured. Do things always get better? No. Can they? Yes. If you have a horrible, incurable physical or mental illness that keeps getting worse, costs you your job, home, family etc...one could be excused for thinking it will not ever get better, because for something that bad to actually change would require help that just really isn't out there. But the sort of things you are talking about, school, depression from figuring out how to adult etc....that stuff TOTALLY changes for most people with time and growth. Ultimately every life is one's own...but there are times it is worth waiting and trying. Act on what HAS happened...not what you worry will happen. Most of the stuff we worry will happen never comes to pass. There is enough real stuff to stress us out. Don't "decide" there is no possible way when you KNOW you cannot know that yet. If the fears come true and you just cannot survive...you've lost nothing by trying. You cannot be late for death and can always opt out "tomorrow"
I did try, but the problem is I CAN'T act on what has happened, I've turned completely useless and I can't stand the pain of just being dead weight to everyone around me.
I'ma keep it real with you, chief.
No one puts shame into anyone else, because people are totally self absorbed.
Go forth, young OP, and don't feel unhappiness at the thoughts of others!
I'll give you that. Your argument, in aggregate, still cries out for closer inspection.
You have an uphill battle to bolster this claim with evidence.
Feeling like a burden is a corner of the Joiner Triangle.
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Very few people have unexplained depression with zero cause. It's mostly, clearly rooted in something. A situation like school stressing you. Bad family life. Grief from a loss. It sounds a lot like the pressure of school and being at that transitional age into adulthood is your cause...maybe I am wrong. I remember that well and how it made things hard for me as well. Along with family stuff. When I got past school...and away from the toxic family...my life totally changed. The depression lifted. I didn't think like I did when I was in the pit of despair. Things I said I could not do were not true. Things I thought about myself were not true. But if I had checked out then I'd have never gotten the chance to learn that. Things happened later in my life to bring me back to that pit, totally unrelated to the former issues so not a given for anyone. You don't have to keep going...or justify why to me...but you do have to justify it to yourself...and its clear you don't want to go. So put one foot in front of the other. Do actionable things like go to professors and ask for help with school and explain its really getting to you. Work out if you are healthy enough. Talk to your girl and be real...don't put on a face. Ask those you trust for help. Try that first...you've nothing to lose. No deadline to exit the world.
I did try and ask for help, I talked to my girl, she tried helping and it got to my parents that I attempted suicide, where they revealed their true colors. They threatened to drug me up and keep me in the house forever with no outside contact to my friends or anyone else. I promised them I'll never attempt again out of fear that my parents were actually monsters. I told my girl about it again, but she ended up telling them again but this time I managed to lie about it and it made them think that it was my girl who was lying and not me, which causes her to blame herself and I can't help it. It feels like the people I trust make me vulnerable to more pain.
OP, like I said, I'ma keep keeping it real with you.
but not right now
Things you're saying merit response, but I'm having pretty significant sleep issues. So, I don't want to misspeak and make shit worse.
For now, please don't do anything irrevocable because I'm betting you're gonna walk away from this 100% AOK.
It's good that you asked for help. It's of dubious merit that your parents learned what's going on.
What do you mean by "drug you up and keep you in the house forever?"
It's too bad that you felt pressured into dishonesty, which is causing so much pain. Making amends about this might be at, or close to, the heart of the matter.
Trust and vulnerability are intrinsically intertwined.
I meant they literally want to keep me captive if I ever attempt suicide again.
AlreadyGone
Taking it day by day
- Jan 11, 2020
- 917
I wouldn't set a deadline because then I would feel "forced" to do it. Without a deadline, I can go when I feel comfortable going through with it.
LMLN
Paragon
- Aug 10, 2019
- 929
Um. OK, well that's fucking weird.
Clearly, your girlfriend isn't the person to discuss this with since she's breached your trust twice. Do you have a therapist?
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