is it ok to ctb without allowing loved ones to know why?

[oneofmany1000]

i have plans to ctb soon, i have failed too many times in the past because people saw the signs. i am almost half a century old now and have learned well how to "correctly answer" professional counselors and doctors and even close friends or family so they don't suspect anything. i am going as far as planning fun events and ordering stuff online to throw off any wolves in white coats who may be paying too close attention. my only worry now is, when it is finally time for me to successfully ctb that the people i care most about will try to blame themselves, when the only one to blame is me and my inner demons. is there a way other than a note to reassure them after the event that this was my desire and i freely chose to ctb? most would think i am selfish, but my reasons for ctb are mainly because i know the lives of those around me would be much better. thanks.

 

[Al Cappella]

Yes. No one is owed an explanation. Might it be nice? Sure. But probably pointless. People already inclined to blame themselves most likely will, regardless of what's written in a note. There is one thing, though. Your reasons to cbt are yours, and you have every right to them—but don't decide for someone else if their life would be better. At least not without inviting input.

 

[Rob1984]

There are no rules to this. Do what you believe is the right thing to do. The person above me doesn't think you "owe" an explanation. And I agree, you don't "owe" anybody an explanation. BUT... I believe it's the most you can offer in a really tragic situation. The reason you are making this decision is a result of suffering. If a note prevents other people from suffering the way you are, wouldn't you want that? I sure would. But this is all just my opinion, so take it with a grain of salt :)

 

[treetop.grazer]

Personally I'm trying my best to make it an accidental ctb, purely so my family would receive a payout from my life insurance, so I have no option of a note as much as I'd like to. I have left some videos and labeled them "if covid gets me" so I get to say goodbye in one form.

 

[forgetme]

I personally think it would be cruel not to leave something behind especially if you've tried and failed.

 

[FuneralCry]

Of course you have the right to exit at a time of your own choosing and you do not need to justify your reasons for leaving, it is your life and your decision. I would personally write a note though, to give those behind an explanation and to give them some closure and will mean they are not left with unanswered questions. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[gottago222]

its ultimately your decision. i am leaving a note to let my fam and best friends kno its none of their faults and they did their best to support me

 

[Brokensaddle]

This is tough one because I don't have any family in real life and fairly small amount of friends. I plan on leaving notes to individual people, explaining what led me to take my own life and how I'm in so much pain. I guess the best you can do is break it down gently and kindly to them from the heart in your own words that's it not their fault. I had acquaintances I met at outreach charity tell me that she would quit her job if I ctb. Stuff like that hurts, mostly because it more emotional blackmail because I hardly know this person and I hated the fact they were planing on using my death as excuse for their behaviour but I feel you can't predict how someone will behave afterwards

 

[elfin]

personally i plan to explain why in my note because i know how shit i would feel if i didn't get an explanation from my loved ones if they chose to ctb, but you don't owe it to anyone.

 

[medicinenightmares]

You say that your main reason for wanting to ctb is that you think the lives of those around you would be much better. How do you know that for sure? Have you been explicitly told that? Or has your mental illness collapsed your perception so much that you believe they would be better off, sort of as a way too comfort yourself? I don't think it's up to you to say whether people would be better off or not, you can't predict how they would feel. I'm sorry if this seems harsh.

I think your loved ones deserve a note of some sort, maybe not necessarily a reason why (unless you want), but some words of comfort or reassurance. This could also give you a bit more peace of mind knowing that you've said what you've had to say.

 

[hatedanddestroyed]

No rules to ctb. In my opinion, loved ones should receive some form of communication.
I've plead, argued, and tried with my wife that left me. If she doesn't get it then that's on her.
I will be writing notes for the kids (I can't even see them due to mother's rights) and a letter to my parents for instructions.

 

[CrossroadsCurious]

No, you don't have to write a note or explain anything. You don't owe anyone anything! Just do you!

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

You have the right to do it in whatever way you see fit. Personally, I think messages are important, but that's me and my personality and my relationships. You can make your own decisions.

I think what's ultimately important is that you feel at peace when you leave. If writing a note for your loved ones helps you to feel at peace, then you should. If it brings you to a state of anxiety or anger or fear, then maybe not.