Is it better to live miserably in hopes of finding love and friendship or die and feel nothing

[lovelydeath]

Assuming that when you die you feel nothing. Is it better to live miserably and possibly be loved one day though the day may also possibly never come, or die now and feel nothing. Happiness is community for me. Im usually happy when I have that.

 

[leavingsoon99]

Living in hopeless hope is the hallmark of a hellish existence. BUT, to each their own. I'll take the uncertainty of death of the certainty of misery. I hope you find clarity and some kind of peace in your journey, no matter what you choose.

 

[MatthieuFrederickW]

I always told myself as a younger child around 10-12 that if I effed up in life and never found a life partner, good career, or ended up miserable, etc, I'd rather just off myself when he time comes.

 

[lovelydeath]

Living in hopeless hope is the hallmark of a hellish existence. BUT, to each their own. I'll take the uncertainty of death of the certainty of misery. I hope you find clarity and some kind of peace in your journey, no matter what you choose.

Just so I can have some perspective why would you take the uncertainty of death first? and how do i know the misery in life is certain? I experience friendship sometimes, its just very short lived so maybe one day it will last. not sure if ill ever find love though.

I always told myself as a younger child around 10-12 that if I effed up in life and never found a life partner, good career, or ended up miserable, etc, I'd rather just off myself when he time comes.

Did it happen?

 

[Ktk]

Just so I can have some perspective why would you take the uncertainty of death first? and how do i know the misery in life is certain? I experience friendship sometimes, its just very short lived so maybe one day it will last. not sure if ill ever find love though.

Did it happen?

When you were born, you were given a death sentence. - The daily Stoic

Since death is certain for all, you would take it.

As for misery, I would go with the definition of suffering.

You will suffer, there's ups and downs. Both contrast each other.

look at y=sin(x) , y=cos(x). Plot them with desmos, you see they go up and down representing your journey. Why did I use these functions, cuz they appear so often in nature. And we came from nature

This is just my perspective on this

 

[m_account]

If that makes your life worth living, then it is certainly worth it. Death can wait.
For me personally, I would just off myself because I prefer complete nothingness over life.

 

[lovelydeath]

When you were born, you were given a death sentence. - The daily Stoic

Since death is certain for all, you would take it.

As for misery, I would go with the definition of suffering.

You will suffer, there's ups and downs. Both contrast each other.

look at y=sin(x) , y=cos(x). Plot them with desmos, you see they go up and down representing your journey. Why did I use these functions, cuz they appear so often in nature. And we came from nature

This is just my perspective on this

I mean its like… too short lived. it would be nice if i could have a year friendship anniversary. Or even 6 months. Most of the time im alone.

 

[staplestable]

if you truly hope for love/friendship then living is better. I think that is enough to wait just a little more before dying

 

[leavingsoon99]

Just so I can have some perspective why would you take the uncertainty of death first? and how do i know the misery in life is certain? I experience friendship sometimes, its just very short lived so maybe one day it will last. not sure if ill ever find love though.

You make my point in your response. Firstly, death is uncertain. The human mind has been conditioned to synonymize uncertain with "bad." Its why you see posts on here posing questions like, "Well, what if its WORSE!?" Implying that there's some human-concocted penalty for ctb. And not that I encourage suicide (I don't for anyone but myself), but the act is a taboo in this culture. That wasn't always so in other cultures. So, implying or questioning that things may be worse after doing it is a bit misguided to me. Because that question is being developed within a fearful and negative context. I mean, the people who jumped from the ships filled with captured Africans headed for the Americas committed suicide. Are they in hell for doing so? It is WORSE for them? The natives who jumped off the side of cliffs to escape the Spaniards and other exploiters... are they in hell because they didn't die the "right" way? And even if it IS worse, then that's inevitable. We're all going to die. So, that worse is coming whether you cease this part of the suffering or not. I already know what's here. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing (hoping, in this case...) and expecting different results.

I've experienced brief friendships. I've experience romantic connections. Yet, none of them developed into long lasting relationships that are worth holding onto. I guess that would be okay if I ultimately found long lasting relationships (however few they may have been). To me, it's just not worth being in a situation where I plodge along in life to suffer for most of it (without any explanation nor reason) only to bask in few and limited joys. As if a pointless life can impose default suffering on me for no reason other than "it's life."

Just my perspective, but that's a bit disordered.

 

[casual_existence]

I think that when one is committed to death one has to accept as a premise that NOTHING is worth living for. If there's even a smidge of hope then you are going to experience doubt no matter what. Though accepting that might actually make life easier to live since you aren't attached to anything at that point and can just live. That might be the final hurdle.

 

[Rust20]

I'd rather find an absolute meaning for my life, which until now found nothing but evil. The certainty of my imminent death is calming, but I cannot live with the turmoil of not knowing the "what could have been and should have been". So I prefer misery.

 

[lovelydeath]

I think that when one is committed to death one has to accept as a premise that NOTHING is worth living for. If there's even a smidge of hope then you are going to experience doubt no matter what. Though accepting that might actually make life easier to live since you aren't attached to anything at that point and can just live. That might be the final hurdle.

Interesting. Hate that. So thats why I wasnt able to kill myself yet god damn it.

I think that when one is committed to death one has to accept as a premise that NOTHING is worth living for. If there's even a smidge of hope then you are going to experience doubt no matter what. Though accepting that might actually make life easier to live since you aren't attached to anything at that point and can just live. That might be the final hurdle.

wait follow up question. why wouldnt i be attached to anything if i accepted that?

 

[flower_g1rl]

i live miserably without hope, so i guess there is a third option

 

[discusswithme]

Assuming that when you die you feel nothing. Is it better to live miserably and possibly be loved one day though the day may also possibly never come, or die now and feel nothing. Happiness is community for me. Im usually happy when I have that.

Death is inevitable, but love is a blessing that not all get the pleasure to experience. However, you seem like quite the lovely person, I'm sure you could find love and community. I'd say give it time and way your options, and if you need someone I'll be here to listen.

 

[NocturnILL]

Living hopelessly is sufferance in its own. I'd never tell someone who has a chance to give up but I understand feeling. For myself, I'd be lying if I said I don't have love in my life. I do have family members that love me. I have family that depend on me. Id like to think the friends that say they love and care about me do. Problem is I feel like actual waste because it doesn't feel like it's enough, if that makes sense. I don't take any of it for granted but the feeling of suffering in my own existence doesn't cease. So I don't even feel I deserve it and all would be better off.

If you still feel satisfied and happiness especially when surrounded love and friends, hold onto that! Try not to give up on the idea that it won't come back. Happiness is temporary. You may not be able to be happy 24/7 but if you can be fulfilled in a way maybe think if that's enough. If you can't always have a community around you but you find a community that fulfills you, that could be worth it too. You seem like a really kind spirit that's still open…maybe give it some more time you could be surprised out the outcome. You definitely have a community here with some really kind people that understand .

 

[casual_existence]

Reply to lovelydeath.

Well the way I see it and that might have some connection to Buddhism is that ultimately wanting death is the same as any other desire which can make things harder on ourselves. It can be difficult to do things when we want to do something and we're attached in some way to an opposing value (life-death). Once you remove yourself from this struggle it is easier to be. At that point you can do just about anything including living but also dying. This is hard to do for the vast majority of people which is why suicide is accompanied by impulsivity.

 

[TiredTurtle]

At the end of the day life is just a gamble, you could live the rest of your life and never find love and friendship or ctb the day before it was supposed to happen.

It's up to us all to weigh the risk vs reward between living another day in the hopes we can be saved, and saying enough is enough I'm gonna ctb.

 

[Manfrotto99]

Depends where you are in life and what you have going for you that may increase your chances of finding love. I had friends who were single and suicidal when I was younger. They found love and had a happy ever after life, others found love a bit later in life. For me it never happened, I just got used and hurt over and over again. I would of been better off ending things when I was younger and saving myself a lifetimes of heartache and misery. My friends where all fair, blonde and attractive and had plenty of options, I was dark, least attractive and my options were very limited.

 

[Manfrotto99]

Depends where you are in life and what you have going for you that may increase your chances of finding love. I had friends who were single and suicidal when I was younger. They found love and had a happy ever after life, others found love a bit later in life. For me it never happened, I just got used and hurt over and over again. I would of been better off ending things when I was younger and saving myself a lifetimes of heartache and misery. My friends where all fair, blonde and attractive and had plenty of options, I was dark, least attractive and my options were very limited.

At least in the end I can say to myself that I tried and gave it my best shot.